But, in this case, I'm not talking about Stephen King. Oh, no. . .that would be too obvious and too easy.
No, in this case, I'm talking about Sports Illustrated football writer Peter King. "How so," you might ask? Because of this tale of woe that was written in the New York Post on Monday.
Appearing on ESPN's "Pardon the Interruption" this afternoon, King said of Favre, "I think he's had enough (of playing)."
But King added that he had "a gut feeling" Favre would seriously consider a return if he could somehow play for the Minnesota Vikings.
"If he's not going to be able to play where he really wants to play, I think he's not going to play," the Favre mouthpiece told "PTI."
Well, then. . .let's head this off right now. Hopefully, this will be the one time this off-season that this story. . .or, more accurately, non-story. . .will need to be addressed.
They say that sacred cows make the best hamburger. Ladies and gentlemen, get your grills fired up.
I don't want Brett Favre anywhere near this football team. Quite frankly, after his play over the last five weeks of 2008. . .where his team was a boneheaded Dick Jauron play call away from finishing the year on a five-game losing streak. . .no self-respecting Vikings fan should want the guy anywhere near this football team. Over those last five weeks of the season, he didn't post a quarterback rating of higher than 61.4. He also managed to lead the NFL in interceptions. . .again. . .with 22. He also threw 22 TD passes, although six of those came in one game (which was, obviously, an abberration) against the Arizona Cardinals.
In comparison, Gus Frerotte and Tarvaris Jackson combined for 21 TD passes and 17 INTs in 2008.
The Vikings are going into this off-season looking to upgrade at the quarterback position. . .not to stay at status quo, and certainly not to go backwards at the position. By bringing Captain Overrated into the fold, the Vikings would pretty much be slamming the proverbial car into reverse right in the middle of the interstate. Favre wouldn't be an upgrade over Tarvaris Jackson at quarterback. Hell, he might not be an upgrade over Janet Jackson if she was calling signals for the Vikings right now.
And, as surprisingly as this might sound after what I've just said, his on-field performance might be the least of the concerns if he was brought to Minnesota.
For, you see, the rest of the world is finally starting to catch on to something that we here in Minnesota have known for a very long time. . .that Brett Favre is an arrogant, self-centered, self-absorbed, pompous ass. He was that way when he (self-admittedly) drank his way out of Atlanta, he was that way the entire time he was in Green Bay, and if the words of his teammates are any indicator, he was that way this past season in New York as well.
"If he's dedicated and he wants to come back and do this, and do it the right way ... and be here when we're here in training camp and the minicamps and working out with us ... then I'm fine with it," Rhodes said. "But don't come back if it's going to be half-hearted or he doesn't want to put the time in with us."
A veteran Jets player, quoted anonymously by Newsday, described Favre as a "distant" teammate who, when at the Jets' practice facility, spent his downtime away from teammates in an office specially designated for him.
"There was a lot of resentment in the room about him. He never socialized with us, never went to dinner with anyone," the player told Newsday.
Gee, Favre acting like he's better than everybody else? Color me shocked. Or not, since this comes as no surprise to anyone that's paid attention for the last 17 or 18 years.
See, Favre has so many people snowed under with this impression he gives that he's just a good ol' boy, never meanin' no harm. After all. . .he's a gunslinger! He loves the game! He's having so much fun out there! Excuse me while I vomit.
To channel Frank Caliendo channeling John Madden, Brett Favre is all about the Brett Favre, and Brett Favre doesn't do anything that's not in Brett Favre's best interests, because if Brett Favre isn't looking out for Brett Favre, he's not being the best Brett Favre that Brett Favre can be. Brett Favre. Also, Brett Favre.
Honestly, do we want a guy here that requires his own office? Hell, I bet Adrian Peterson doesn't have his own office, and as of right now, he's about ten times the football player that Favre is. Do we want a guy here who, quite proudly, proclaims that he's never gone through an off-season program or a mini-camp? Especially when you figure that the guy should probably start doing so, considering how badly he sucked during the latter part of 2008.
If the only way the NFL will see Brett Favre in 2009 is if he's in a Vikings uniform, then allow me to say au revoir, Captain Overrated. Stay the hell away from my football team.