Who will Win Purple Bowl IV?
Mmm...purple.
In what's sure to make Paul Lukas of ESPN Page 2 and Uni Watch fame start dry heaving, the two purplest teams in the NFL will do battle on Sunday at the PurpleDome Metrodome. Wait, sorry, I better be official here--The Mall Of America Field at The Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome. (Ugh.)
Yes, there will be enough of The Color Purple on the field to keep Oprah, Prince, and even Grimace satisfied as the Ravens and Vikings meet for the fourth time ever and the first time in Minnesota. But which shade of purple will shine brighter on Sunday?
It doesn't take much analysis to see that these two teams share a lot more than jersey colors. Both teams have run-first offenses that have just started to enjoy the luxury of an effective passing game this year. Brett Favre and the Vikings receivers are finally the compliment that we've been looking for to The Best Player in the NFL Period. On the other side, Joe Flacco has made a meteoric leap in his sophomore season to compliment the three-headed Ravens RB monster of Ray Rice, Willis McGahee, and LeRon McClain.
And of course, both teams have perennially excellent defenses that give offensive coordinators nightmares.
Wait a second...are we sure about that? Or are the Minnesota and Baltimore defenses getting by more on reputation than results?
It seems blasphemous to even mention, but maybe the defenses of the Vikings and Ravens aren't exactly carrying their teams these days. As far as yardage goes, the Ravens are 10th and the Vikes are 14th in the league so far. Both are still top 10 against the rush, but not in the top 3 like they have each been the past three seasons. The Vikings are 18th against the pass, which isn't too surprising since we're usually in the bottom half there. But the Ravens are currently 26th against the pass in 2009. That's one spot behind the Rams! I don't put too much emphasis on yardage numbers in the NFL, but any time you're behind the Rams in anything, it ain't good.
For the Vikings, it isn't all about the yardage. I know the Ravens have a lot of people that can hurt you, but I'm most afraid of Todd Heap this week. Why? Because the Vikings have made every tight end they've faced so far look like 1996 Shannon Sharpe. There have been times this season where the Vikes D has left the opposing tight end with so much space that it looks like he just he just cleared the room with a fart. They also just gave up 27 first downs and 400 yards to the Rams. Any time you allow the Rams to do that, it ain't good.
Baltimore's once-indestructible defense has been just pretty good in 2009. Their cornerbacks have looked more like turnstiles on some plays, and their lack of pressure is allowing opposing teams to move down the field. Maybe they're still getting used to Greg Mattison's new defense compared to Rex Ryan's former blitz-wacky scheme; maybe they're just a year older and a touch slower.
As for God's Linebacker Ray Lewis: I believe he is without a doubt the best defensive leader in the NFL today, but he's nowhere near an elite player any more. Ray-Ray makes everyone around him better; it shows when he's the last one in on a gang tackle and celebrates like he made the play all by himself. If it wasn't for his leadership, all his teammates wouldn't have been in the right place to make the tackle a full three seconds before he got there!
(Ray, if by some off chance you're reading this, I'm just kidding around. No need to "obstruct any justice" on me OK?)
That said, the Vikes are still 5-0 and the Ravens are still a respectable 3-2 (and could be 5-0 with a little help from those stinkin' refs, or a little more discipline on defense, depending on who you ask). Both teams are elbow deep in the playoff hunt. Heck, before the season, Ravens-Vikes was my Super Bowl matchup. (Now? Gun to my head, I'd have to choose The Manning Bowl. But there's still plenty of season to be played. Oh God, did I just say "gun to my head" a paragraph after making fun of Ray Lewis?! Let's move on, quickly!)
(More analysis and my Week 6 picks after the jump)
In the end, I see these teams pretty darn even both chromatically and personnel-wise. I think this game comes down to one of my favorite time-honored football cliches: whoever makes the fewest mistakes wins. It's no coincidence that the Vikings are undefeated and happen to lead the NFL in turnover margin. Contrast that with the silly mistakes and late meltdowns that the Ravens have endured the past two weeks, and I like MY purple team to win on Sunday. Unless of course Matt Birk memorized the entire Vikings playbook and recites it perfectly to the Ravens coaching staff. Which is entirely possible, because Matt Birk went to Harvard. (Welcome back Matt!)
Finally, I'd be remiss if I didn't keep with my weekly theme of posting barely-football-related gratuitous pictures of women in my article. After all, the Vikings are undefeated when I do so, and I'd hate for us to lose just because I didn't do my part!
As most of you know, when the original Nordic Vikings would conquer a foe, they would routinely burn their land and steal their women.

After our modern-day Vikings conquer Baltimore on Sunday, and after viewing this picture of the Ravens cheerleaders, Baltimore can just keep their land as far as I'm concerned. (Besides, I watched "The Wire". That city scares the living bejeezus out of me.)
Prediction: VIkings 27, Ravens 23
As for the rest of my Week 6 NFL picks, hitting at 40 games over .500 in 2009 (home team in CAPS):
Texans over BENGALS: Boom! Upset alert right out of the gate! This has Letdown Game written all over it for Cincy. And if any franchise knows how to do letdown the right way, it's the Cincinnati Bengals.
PACKERS over Lions: Of all the atrocious teams in the NFL this year, at least Jim Schwartz has the Lions giving a shit. And if I happen to get this pick wrong, I wouldn't give a shit. Actually, I'd be thrilled.
JAGUARS over Rams: I'd rather stand nude in the Sahara Desert for three weeks straight with no suntan lotion and then put on clothes made entirely of burlap than watch this game.
Giants over SAINTS: Game of the Year so far. Basically the Anti-Jags/Rams game. I'm picking the G-Men here because I like their defense more than the Flying Sharpers.
STEELERS over Browns: My Eliminator pick of the week, which shouldn't come as much of a surprise. Even though the Browns are flying high from their thrilling 6-3 shootout over the Bills last week with Derek Anderson setting single-game passing records (the bad kind), they're still Cleveland.
Panthers over BUCCANEERS: Hey, someone has to win. Although both teams will try very hard not to.
REDSKINS over Chiefs: Yes, the Skins are playing their sixth consecutive winless team. And I thought the Vikes had an easy schedule so far! Too many people picking the Chiefs to upset here, so I'll stick to the more offensive Native American stereotype.
Eagles over RAIDERS: The Raiders have become officially too easy to make fun of. If Al Davis was still alive, he would never let this happen.
SEAHAWKS over Cardinals: After the 49ers crapped the bed last week, the NFC West is officially back up for grabs! This is kind of like saying that Tori Spelling is back on the market. Sure, I guess it counts for something, but I wouldn't really get excited about it.
PATRIOTS over Titans: I have an exclusive transcript of the Titans Radio broadcast...from the FUTURE! Here's a sample of Sunday's broadcast:
"Vince Young now under center, Titans down 28-10, early 4th quarter...Young drops back...scanning the field...throws it up for grabs...PICKED OFF!"
JETS over Bills: At this rate, Buffalo residents will help pack the trucks for the Bills' inevitable move to Toronto.
FALCONS over Bears: The Falcons looked waaaay too good last week for me to pick against them this week. Plus I hate the Bears, so it makes my decision even easier.
CHARGERS over Broncos: This is mostly because I'm pretty sick of the Josh McDaniels 2009 Media Fellatio Tour already. I really hope San Diego can knock him down a peg or two.
Last week: 11-3
Season so far: 58-18
1 recs |
42 comments
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Comments
*phew*!!
I was a little disappointed with the Grimace pic… so thank you for remaining true with the gratuitous, yet fitting, image of gorgeous babes!
I BELIEVE...
by ArizonaVikingsFan on Oct 16, 2009 3:16 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
On the contrary...
I really liked the pic. Thanks for the air-time Eric!!
I bleed PURPLE!... no, seriously, my blood doesn't react properly with oxygen which causes a purple hue
by Grimmace on Oct 16, 2009 4:47 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Grimmace vs. drunk Barney, who wins?
Barney has to be drunk to fight otherwise he will just sings songs and get one-puch KO’d by Grimmace
Bernard, Percy and AP oh my!
by VikesPma on Oct 17, 2009 3:53 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Grimace may be an asshat...
But would you mind explaining what a “Jepp” is?
Southerner #1: “Did ya finish off all the dang whiskey?!”
Southerner #2: “Jepp”…
I bleed PURPLE!... no, seriously, my blood doesn't react properly with oxygen which causes a purple hue
by Grimmace on Oct 16, 2009 4:49 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Jesus Christ
A ‘’Jepp" would be the first 4 letters of my last name. Nope, not ’’movin’ on up". F U Grimace. :)
by Jepp The Viking on Oct 16, 2009 11:28 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Does Baltimore have man cheerleaders?
"American made, White Trash raised, and Bad Ass engraved"
by Viking Frog on Oct 16, 2009 4:15 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Yes, yes they do.
I cropped them out as much as I could.
by ericj69 on Oct 16, 2009 4:17 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
I love how you refer to them as...
Man cheerleaders. I chuckled to myself.
Visit:
http://www.vikingvigil.com
Skol Vikings!
Woot Woot!
by Manimal on Oct 16, 2009 4:38 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
We even have our own man cheerleaders, but they just sit there until we score. Then they run around with flags.
I would pay to have that job.
by Bjorno on Oct 16, 2009 6:14 PM CDT via mobile up reply actions 0 recs
I think the lower row of cheerleaders should have been shown.
Those cheerleaders there showing, well I don’t want to be cruel but they are old and…
Bernard, Percy and AP oh my!
by VikesPma on Oct 17, 2009 3:56 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
I call dibs on the asian brunette center-right.
We are the vikings.......resistance is futile.
by Hoss-Drone on Oct 16, 2009 4:25 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Don't know for sure,
But the lady in your profile picture might not agree with that!
(All I’m saying is she may not be into Asians… maybe she prefers blonds, or hispanics, or something else I haven’t even heard about yet)
I bleed PURPLE!... no, seriously, my blood doesn't react properly with oxygen which causes a purple hue
by Grimmace on Oct 16, 2009 5:14 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Bronco Fan here
But also a Viking fan (born in Willmar). Well written, Eric. And I agree that the Vikes will beat the Ravens, but it might be close. 58-18 is very good, but you’ll miss one by taking the Chargers.
IT is, and it's impossible for IT not to be.
Parmenides (5th Century B. C. Greek)
by bradley on Oct 16, 2009 4:38 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Hey!
I live near Willmar!
Awesome!
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get. ~Homer Simpson
by thewild_viking_twins on Oct 16, 2009 9:23 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Hey Bronco Fan
Great start ,I think you guys will win your division. Playing great defense will always keep you in the hunt. I must admit you have played tougher competion than the Vikes have so far this year. It will even out by seasons end. Big one Monday night should be fun. I gotta go with the Chargers in this one. They are at home and it really is a must win for them if they want a shot at winning the division. Jay Cutler who? The Orton guy is from here in Iowa where I live so he should be pretty well grounded. There are a few around here that fell off the tractor when they were young but he’s not one of them. Good luck against the Chargers. Sorry we don’t get to play you guys this year could have been a good one. Then again Miami in February ?
by iowaron on Oct 17, 2009 9:32 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Scared me for a second.
Thought you broke tradition after two whole weeks. Or is it three? Whatever it is, I’m glad the streak is alive.
Visit:
http://www.vikingvigil.com
Skol Vikings!
Woot Woot!
by Manimal on Oct 16, 2009 4:39 PM CDT reply actions 1 recs
Vegas Uniformly Says Vikes By 3
The O/U at 44.5 seems a little low, though, doesn’t it?
None
by BothTeamsOnSameSidelineOldSchoolVikesFan on Oct 16, 2009 4:40 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
For NFL O/U you’ll generally see it anywhere from 37/38 to 48/49. I would say that’s slightly above average scoring, but not by much.
by dsludo on Oct 16, 2009 8:53 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
seems about right to me.
http://twinkietalk.com
http://thecollegehockeyblog.com
by fetch9 on Oct 16, 2009 9:34 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Good pictures with the link thanks.
Bernard, Percy and AP oh my!
by VikesPma on Oct 17, 2009 5:10 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
I can't decide which comment was better ...
The “If Al Davis was still alive, he’d never let this happen” comment made me laugh so hard I almost dropped my beer, but the “Josh McDaniels 2009 Media Fellatio Tour” comment literally made me shat myself!
Good stuff as always!
I bleed PURPLE!... no, seriously, my blood doesn't react properly with oxygen which causes a purple hue
by Grimmace on Oct 16, 2009 5:14 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
That old retired vampire Al Davis...
“still alive” was absolutly hilarious. +10
Bernard, Percy and AP oh my!
by VikesPma on Oct 17, 2009 4:00 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Ravens Are Better
but Vikings fans, I’ll admit that while I hate Brett Favre, he does look good (for now). Of course, the proof in the pudding will emerge in November. If Favre no longer looks spry, don’t say I didn’t warn you. Thankfully, Tarvaris Jackson can be a good quarterback. Don’t give up on him yet. As for me, GO BRONCOS, but I am watching your game against Baltimore as it will be airing in Utah. It should be a great game. That Harvin kid is awesome. Still, Flacco will be the best quarterback on the field at the Metrodome, bank on it.
Brad James
by the Bradfather on Oct 16, 2009 5:23 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Vikes have the better QB
No offense to Flacco, but let’s be real here. The kid is solid but what has he really proven. Baltimore wouldn’t be 3-2 if they were better than the Vikings.
With that said they certainly have a chance. Vikings are only favored by 3 points after all.
by Sand0 on Oct 16, 2009 7:27 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
That last Statement was a little assumptive.
Flacco is only in his second year, there is no doubt he is talented, but experience is more valuabe than raw talent in a game such as this.
That is not a knock on Flacco, I like the guy. But these two defenses are nothing to scoff at, and to think that Flacco is better than Favre is pushing it.
Flacco has 16 years of football ahead of him, that is about the only thing he has over favre is his youth. His arm may be stronger, but again that is only because of his youth.
by Bjorno on Oct 16, 2009 8:08 PM CDT via mobile up reply actions 0 recs
Tarvaris ..... good quarterback???
Im sorry, but last year i dreaded every time he threw it. I don’t believe he was a good qb, maybe slightly below average, but not good in my eyes.
by the-reaper on Oct 16, 2009 10:38 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
There is a guy in the hater fanpost who had him taking the team to the NFC championship game. The 5-0 start is evidence of a mistaken path. After having a guy say over and over that after cutting off half a sentence it is still proof of something I didn’t want to touch that one.
by Salty on Oct 16, 2009 11:10 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
It's like Bill Simmons' picks article,
except less censoring, less pop culture references, and more Saharan-nude-standing. I approve. You’re getting pretty good at this.
"Brandon Jennings needs a nickname before he gives himself one. Oh wait, Young Money, he already did."
by Mitchell_M on Oct 16, 2009 8:06 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Everyone take cover, the Bronco fans have invaded!
by dsludo on Oct 16, 2009 8:58 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Could be worse
this site could fill up with Bears fans
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get. ~Homer Simpson
by thewild_viking_twins on Oct 16, 2009 9:25 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Love the picks
and the pics. Keep up the great work. I will say this, that was probably the funniest thing ive read online in a long time. I have a bet going with a co-worker, I bet the vikings would have a better record then the broncos at the end of the season. I thought id win for sure… but now im getting a little worried. Broncos are doing way to good. Hope your pick is right and the chargers win.
by the-reaper on Oct 16, 2009 10:35 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Mall of America
Thanks for giving them their recognition. If they see an increase in sales, maybe they will kick in a couple hundred million for naming rights for the stadium on Favre Ave.
by BigSkyViking on Oct 16, 2009 11:19 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Josh McDaniels fellatio tour?
The most vilified coach ever in an off season is now considered a media darling? You’ve got to get out more. The Broncos are the lowest rated unbeaten team in the NFL and aren’t even favored against a really inferior team overhyped by the media as the only choice to win the division. You are as clueless as the tools you’re reading in the MSM.
Imagination is more important than knowledge. A. Einstein
by Ponderosa on Oct 16, 2009 11:56 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Fellatio tour
I’m sure the Bengals took it hard after week one.
by iowaron on Oct 17, 2009 9:38 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
what seperates the ravens from the vikings
is that we use black and you guys use yellow..just providing a helping hand
Ray Rice is so agile. He's a whole new breed for agile you need a new word to describe his agility... UBER-AGILITY!
by BaltimoreSportsFan on Oct 17, 2009 10:06 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Sould be a good game
Unless one team makes a huge mistake early. I also don’t think if the Vikes will fair too well if they give up a play like they did against the 49ers(end of 1st half, blocked fg return). With an even turnover ratio the Vikes can handle the Ravens.
Bernard, Percy and AP oh my!
by VikesPma on Oct 17, 2009 4:06 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Should dammit!
Bernard, Percy and AP oh my!
by VikesPma on Oct 17, 2009 5:12 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Sorry for the carnival thought.
Bernard, Percy and AP oh my!
by VikesPma on Oct 17, 2009 8:00 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

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