Yes, this is actually rather relevant to the future of NFL professional football in Minnesota, but then I digress.
"America asks that you take immediate heed of what we say on this leaflet.
We are in possession of the most destructive explosive ever devised by man. A single one of our newly-developed atomic bombs is actually the equivalent in explosive power to what 2000 of our giant B-29's can carry on a single mission. This awful fact is one for you to ponder and we solemnly assure you that it is grimly accurate.
We have just begun to use this weapon against your homeland. If you still have any doubt, make inquiry as to what happened to Hiroshima when just one atomic bomb fell on that city."
Yes, these words were literally falling from the skies and hitting people on the heads in Japan near the end of World War Two. The bomb that had leveled Hiroshima was not just part of some propaganda minister's imagination.
But if you were watching CNN today, you possibly heard the legend repeated on television that the NFL uses Los Angeles as a boogie man to scare little towns into building big stadiums.
That should not comfort you one iota. Ed Roski is a real guy with a lot of real money. He was not invented by Roger Goodell. His idea about building a stadium and stealing two NFL franchises from unsuspecting cities is his own, not some radio script that Goodell had sent to him via Pony Express, even if other people out west here are trying to steal the bacon from him and do the deed themselves. Ed will pull the trigger. All he has to do is corner Zygi Wilf, and the good folks who claim to be working for you in St. Paul are doing more than doing his bidding. He doesn't even have to pay them to do it for him. You're handling that aspect of the project. Don't expect a thank you card.
The atomic bomb is not a cartoon, It is not science fiction. Neither is this Mr. Ed.
Why am I telling you this?
Because hidden away in a secret location, I have a one-of-a-kind, hand-autographed NFL game ball, signed by Sam Rutigliano, Brian Sipe, Ozzie Newsome, and the Cardiac Kids, the 1982 Cleveland Browns, and I know full well where the Wizard of Oz works these days, Baltimore, Maryland. He's the GM of the Ravens.
I'm telling you this now in bold letters, because after 2011, it will be too late.
Those Japanese citizens being pelted with leaflets were told by their neighbors that it was just American propaganda. The bomb is not real, or the Americans do not have another bomb, or just stand up and die for your emperor. Well, the truth be told, the emperor's new clothes are more than a tad threadbare these days.
So you like living in beautiful downtown Nagasaki, eh? Well, there are things happening in the capital of the prefecture that you have a stake in. There is a real Boxcar with your name on it.
Once the oil gets out of the well, nobody is going to put it back in there. Baltimore has a Lombardi, not Cleveland.
Roger Goodell did not create Los Angeles at Dreamworks Animation. He doesn't pay Ed Roski to go get building permits or environmental exemptions from the Guvernator as a stunt for Minnesota legislators to grin over. Sure, Roger may be threatening to you, but he's after the money, not you. A fool and his football team are soon parted.
Maybe it has to end this way. Maybe Minnesota really can't afford anything but arena football.
But don't buy the argument that the NFL is just bluffing, or that they won't really use Los Angeles, because then they'll have no bombs left. I heard all the same crap in Cleveland that I'm hearing from Minnesota now, and thought you ought to know that. While I was in Minnesota, I tried to convince people the threat was real. All I got was a so what? We don't give in to threats.
Well, a word to the wise is sufficient. Folks in Nagasaki thought those were just foreign lies too. Look, there's only one plane coming. They're just trying to scare us.
Famous last words.
If you have any doubt, just inquire as to what happened in Cleveland. My hunch is the bomb that hits you is bigger, and Roger Goodell won't be sending in any people to help rebuild Minnesota. Zyg will go back to New Jersey and count his money from Ed, pay his pals, and then go build a giant mall somewhere. (Probably not in Minnesota, where they think MOA is the cat's pajamas.)
My hunch is the bomb that hits you will be bigger than the one that leveled Cleveland. After all, it is now the twenty-first century.