They say every blessing is a curse, and vice versa. The problem with having a great NFL roster is that before the season even starts, some people with enough talent to play in the NFL will be put on the waiver wire by the head coach after they hear those dreaded words; "The Coach wants to see you in his office. Bring your playbook." It's no great fun to be on either end of the ensuing conversation, but it is commonly presumed to be more fun to be the one who leaves the Thunderdome still drawing a nice paycheck, at least for now. That would be the coach.
Pretend you have a great football mind and are empowered by Zygmunt Wilf to use it. To see what this might be like in 2010, read on.
"No hell below us; above us only sky." - Imagine, John Lennon
Sure, you may well wonder aloud, just like Rodney King, why we all can't just get along?, but in the real world there are lists and limits. NFL documentation specifies you can only keep 53 active players. (Remember, even the Holy Bible says not even Jesus could get a room at the Motel 6 in Nazareth.) So, as head coach, they aren't just paying you all those big bucks with no strings attached. Besides having to get only 11 men on the field for every play and answering questions in front of cameras from Judd and his many pals, there are other coaching challenges, like making the final call on final roster cuts.
Therefore, here's the deal. You get to play Chilly-for-a-Day. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to terminate all but one of these well-qualified talents. Who will be spared by you?
You sit at your desk at Winter Park, and it's come to this. Fantasy Head Coaching: You must retain only one of the following players, listed below.
Good luck, and may the Gjallerhorn be with you.
Presenting the rogues' gallery (In the real world, it may not come down to these people; it may be even harder):
Rhys Lloyd, Kicker, University of Minnesota, 5-11, 231, Birthplace: Dover, England
Pros: Rhys can consistently put the kickoffs well into the end zone, eliminating chances for a number of opposing kickoff returns. He can also stand in for Chris Kluwe or Ryan Longwell should either of them be injured (and we all know at least one Viking opponent in 2010 thinks that injuring your opponents is a good way to win football games).
Eric Frampton, Safety, Washington State, 5-11. 205, Birthplace: San Jose, CA
Pros: Heavy hitter with 4.5 speed. Excels on special teams. Three years experience with the Viking defense. Keeping another DB could help at one of the weaker positions on the team.
Ryan Moats, Running Back, Lousiana Tech, 5-8. 210, Birthplace: Dallas, TX
Garrett Mills, Tight End, Tulsa, 6-1, 235, Birthplace: Tulsa, OK
Pros: Drafted in the 3rd round by the Patriots in 2006 and stolen by the Vikings in 2007 off waivers despite phone threats from a certain head coach with a drawer full of Super Bowl rings. Good hands. Back-up long-snapper.
Kenny Onatolu, Linebacker, Nebraska-Omaha, 6-1, 225. Birthplace: Chicago, IL
Pros: One-time CFL special teams ace for the Edmonton Eskimos, has spent two seasons with the Vikings, and is a potential third-stringer behind Chad Greenway.
As for the cons, well I'm sure if you don't like any of these guys, you already know why.
(Yes, as a head coach, you have to compare apples and oranges, bananas and plums, and maybe even a pineapple for good measure. The rest of whom you are keeping this year is entirely up to you.)