FanPost

Why Viking Fans Should go to This Years Superbowl (things to do in the john)


Kind of a boring Saturday. I just barely give a crap about football at this time, but I hope the Pack gets beat by the Beer's, since I rather like beer. Then I hope the the AFC team wins, because, as I've written before,  I have several Bear fan friends, and they STILL will not shut up about 1985.    I can't tell you who originally wrote these bathroom stall ideas as they are on many websites, but thought they were rather funny, and if you haven't seen them, well here you are...   ( By the way - I'm going to root for the Steeler's in tribute to Mike the Inbred who trolled us for a while) -  Things to do While in the Superbowl John -

 

  1. Stick your open palm under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"
  2. Say, "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't have put my lips on that."
  3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.
  4. Say, "Damn, this water's cold."
  5. Drop a marble and say, "Oh shit! My glass eye!"
  6. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."
  7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a height of 6 feet. Sigh relaxingly.
  8. Say, "Now how did that get there?"
  9. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."
  10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!"
  11. Say, "Interesting... more floaters than sinkers."
  12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop the wad under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here please?"
  13. Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me."
  14. Fill a balloon with creamed corn. Rush into the stall with your hand over your mouth and let out a lengthy vomit impression while you squeeze the balloon and splatter cream corn all about. Apologize profusely and blame it on the restaurant's coffee you had for breakfast.
  15. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot."
  16. Say, "Damn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"
  17. Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.
  18. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your "Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.
  19. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall, adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"
  20. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free".
  21. Come out of the stall with wet hands.
  22. Pour water in a constant stream on the floor and say, 'Darn, I almost made it!'
  23. Wash you hair and dry it in the hand dryer.
  24. Wear paper towels wrapped around your head and pretend you're Erykah Badu.
  25. Write on the wall of a women's bathroom 'Tom was here.' 'In the men's bathroom write 'Michael Jackson was here.'
  26. Ask a person in the stall next to you for a tampon.
  27. Roll a roll of toilet paper all the way down the row of stalls.
  28. For a woman, stand in front of the toilet. For men, sit down in the stall and pee.
  29. Scream 'Ohh it burns!' as you use the bathroom.
  30. Lock the door from the inside, sound frustrated that you can't get out, then crawl under the door, getting as dirty as possible and complain to the manager that the door is faulty. 
  31. Introduce yourself to the guy at the next urinal. 
  32. Turn the light off while stalls are occupied. 
  33. Stick your head over an occupied stall and ask for the time. 
  34. Tell people that they're on TV. Point to some random spot on the far wall and ask them to "smile for the camera". 
  35. Lie down across all the sinks and pretend to be passed out. 
  36. Use a stopwatch to time people going to the bathroom. Cheer them on to encourage good performance. 
  37. Hold your hand in front of a hand dryer while someone's using it. 
  38. Pour a bucket of water over an occupied stall. 
  39. Grab someone's ass really hard while they're using a urinal, and see how far you can get before they catch you. 
  40. Guard the paper towel dispenser in the name of the Earth Liberation Front. 
  41. Say to the guy at the next urinal: "This is the best part about being gay." 
  42. Say, "Huh, that's funny. I don't remember eating asparagus." 
  43. Turn off the faucet while someone's washing their hands. Repeat. 
  44. Pee on someone's leg and tell them it's raining. 
  45. Offer to blow-dry other people's hands with your mouth to save energy. 
  46. Point at someone's crotch while they're using a urinal and yell, "Ha ha, your fly is down!" 
  47. Put on a hand puppet show underneath the stall next to you. 
  48. Complain about the size of your penis. 
  49. While inside the bathroom, ask where the nearest bathroom is. After you've received a puzzled look or response, reply, "I'm not looking for a toilet, you moron, I'm looking for a bathroom. Haven't you ever taken a bath? Apparently not. No wonder it smells like shit in here." 
  50. Demand to know where the glory holes are. 
  51. Walk up behind someone who's using a urinal and wrap his head in toilet paper. 
  52. Ask a friend to help you stage a live audio performance of a violent mugging for your unwitting audience inside the stalls. Make sure the final line of dialogue is, "You come out of there and I'll blow your fucking head off." 
  53. Inside a stall, pretend to be talking to a young child, "That's right Johnny, remember what I told you about unzipping your fly? Oh, now look what you did!" Then slap your hands twice and make crying noises. 
  54. Hang a realistic dummy from a noose inside one of the stalls as a wacky surprise for the next visitor. 
  55. Knock on the stall next to you and say, "Do you have enough toilet paper in there? I got plenty if you need some." 
  56. Put up a sign above the sink that says "Did you remember to wipe?" 
  57. In a restaurant, put up a sign that says, "This is the legally required 'Employees must wash hands' sign which we disregard on a daily basis." 
  58. Put up a sign that says "Caution: please do not use toilets." 
  59. Fill the liquid soap containers with motor oil. 
  60. Have (mobile) phone sex while standing at a urinal. 
  61. Flash people standing just outside the bathroom door. Tell them that you've finally "found the loophole". 
  62. Pump soap for people, give out paper towels, and demand tips. 
  63. Wear a camera around your neck and offer to take people's photos for money. 
  64. When the bathroom is empty, get down on your hands and knees and hold your face over one of the urinals. Wait in that position until someone enters the bathroom. Act as if you're embarrassed to be caught. 
  65. Whisper, "Now spread your legs, honey. Oh yeah, that's it." 
  66. Drop a small, unclothed, plastic baby doll in a toilet, along with an ample supply of red food coloring. 
  67. Identify people who have not washed their hands. Follow them out of the bathroom and publicly announce this fact. 
  68. Congratulate yourself aloud on a job well done. 
  69. Put Vaseline on the toilet seats
  70. Provide 'strenuous' sound-effects. 
  71. Ask the person in the next stall if there's anything swimming in THEIR bowl..... 
  72. Scream " Oh my GOD! What the hell is THAT?" 
  73. Pretend to fall in, complete with sound effects.
  74. Knock on the doors of occupied stalls and ask if there is anyone in there. If so, ask if they are busy.... 
  75. Kick in stall doors, camera in hand. 
  76. Fake an orgasm. 
  77. Collect a door charge. 
  78. Put cling-film (Glad Wrap) over the toilet bowl. 
  79. Replace rolls of toilet paper with rolls of sand paper. 
  80. Remove stall doors. 
  81. Place signs warning of 24 hour video surveillance. 
  82. Make stall doors lockable only from the OUTSIDE. 
  83. Put itching powder on the toilet seats. 
  84. Leave a fried egg floating in the bowl. 
  85. Replace soap in dispenser with custard. 
  86. Replace condoms in vending machine with tampons (or vice versa). 
  87. When you're in a bathroom stall take a Snickers candy bar with you and when someone is next to you, squish it in your hand and reach under the stall wall and say "You got any more toilet paper over there, This side's completely out."
  88. Roll Easter Eggs under the doors. 
  89. Start a sing-a-long. 
  90. Act schizophrenically. 
  91. Masquerade as a door-to-door salesman. 
  92. Ask loudly "When does the movie start?" 
  93. Run around naked yelling "Where's the fish?" 
  94. Ask whether anyone can see your pet sewer rat/river python
  95. Offer refreshments. 
  96. Run in, yelling "Free Willy!" 
  97. Bring a bottle of fake blood or ketchup with you, and while in the stall, in a loud, demonical voice, exclaim "Satan demands a sacrifice... A SACRIFICE!"  Start making groaning sounds and let loose a blood curling scream.  Then let the blood/ketchup flow on the floor for everyone to see.
  98. Look over the edge to the person at the urinal next to you, giggle, and then return to your side, whistling the tune "It's a Small World After All."
  99. Have a seizure. Bang against the walls of the stall really hard. Try to knock them down. If anyone later asks if you are okay, just say that you had some Mexican Jumping Fava Beans and they were reacting negatively with your stomach.
  100. Walk in a man. Come out a woman. Complain that there are men in the bathroom.
  101. Wet your head, and then sneak into a toilet stall. Flush the bowl and wait a minute. Walk out of the stall lurching, complaining about how dizzy you are.

 

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