Heard Any Good (Vikings) Jokes Lately?
by Eric J. Thompson on Oct 5, 2011 11:53 PM CDT
in Minnesota Vikings 2011 Season
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Daily Norseman readers, I need your help.
I'm slated to write my Week 5 preview on Friday, but it's tough to find an entertaining theme when your team is going nowhere at 0-4. Every time I thought I had a decent angle I just ended up making a stupid joke to myself about it. For instance, I wanted to go in depth on ways the Vikings could improve their passing attack. But before I even finished the thought I was already mumbling to myself about how "attack" is way too strong of a word for whatever we've done so far. Then I thought I could search for some positive statistics that might indicate a turnaround on the horizon for Minnesota; my next thought was how I'd probably have a better chance at finding Bigfoot. So I decided that rather than fight the urge of making fun of my favorite team's horrendous start, I should embrace it.
This is where you guys come in.
In the comments section below, leave any and all jokes about the Vikings you can think of. I'll include the best of them in my preview article on Friday. The more relevant to this season's woes, the better chance you'll have of making the cut. The old go-to jokes like "When I die, I want the Vikings to be my pall bearers so they can let me down one last time" will be appreciated, but probably avoided. Be original. Be ruthless. But most importantly, be funny.
I'd also like you guys to give us the best Viking nicknames you can think of, like Donovan McNightmare or Donovan McNeverShouldSeeTheFieldAgain or Donovan McNailedTheTurfWithAnotherPass. Got an idea of what Bernard Berrian's initials should really stand for, like "Bawling Bobbler"? Let us know. Do you think Phil Loadholt's last name comes from the Latin phrase meaning "to illegally hold"? Drop us a line. Heard a particularly good zinger from a Packer fan you know (that unlike most Green Bay fans, can actually form a full sentence)? Tell us the story here.
Is this an incredibly lazy way to write an article? You bet your ass it is. Will this be a fun temporary distraction from wallowing in our own misery about a horribly disappointing first quarter of the season? Let's hope so!
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I was going to ask Bernard Berrian some good jokes
But he dropped my call.
by Arif Hasan on Oct 5, 2011 11:57 PM CDT reply actions 1 recs
Theres Hope
Football isn’t over. The Minnesota Valkeryie of the lingerie league are undefeated. Face it, they’re hot and could probably beat the Vikings
The 2011 Minnesota Vikings
…more purple then there ever should be.
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man." - Mark Twain
SKOL VIKINGS!
Let's remember the good times...
"I have come to believe that a great teacher is a great artist
and that there are as few as there are any other great artists.
Teaching might even be the greatest of the arts
since the medium is the human mind and spirit."
by Edgecrusher71 on Oct 6, 2011 10:36 PM CDT up reply actions
Probably old, but it was the first time I heard it.
Why do the Vikings wear purple?
Why wouldn’t they? What color are you when you choke?
I'm still a Minnesotan at heart...
by urluckyday on Oct 5, 2011 11:59 PM CDT reply actions 1 recs
He lost the directions to my house
at First and 10. And then 2nd and 10. And then 3rd and 10. And then 4th and 10. And then we lost the Chiefs game :(
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man." - Mark Twain
SKOL VIKINGS!
I want McNabb to white his name out
Respectfully raping people with my words, since 1993.
by marsexxxy23 on Oct 6, 2011 12:02 AM CDT via mobile reply actions
(what the heck my phone glitched & posted)
Anyway. I want McNaab to white his name out on the contract
And have Favre sign his name instead
But the ink would probably be intercepted off the paper.
Not relevant to this year I suppose but oh well. It made me laugh.
Respectfully raping people with my words, since 1993.
by marsexxxy23 on Oct 6, 2011 12:05 AM CDT via mobile up reply actions
I needed change for a dollar
But Frazier only gave me 2 quarters.
by Arif Hasan on Oct 6, 2011 12:02 AM CDT reply actions 5 recs
Sadly, it works even better here
At least LeBron had 75 cents.
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by Eric J. Thompson on Oct 6, 2011 12:05 AM CDT up reply actions
It's one of those situations where you think you've thought of aomething original
And you don’t realize you’ve heard it before – in this case quite a few times. My bad.
How about: I paid full price for my season tickets but still got half off… ?
Police report:
POLICE REPORT:
Leslie Frazier’s House was Egged
Minneapolis police reported that some individual attempted to “egg”
Leslie Frazier’s house last night.
An empty egg carton was recovered at the scene. Two eggs hit Mr.
Tice’s house, 3 eggs went over his house and hit his neighbor’s back
door,
1 egg hit the houses of each of his next door neighbors, and the remaining 5 eggs were found broken on the ground near the carton from where the
individual threw them.
Looking at what was hit, police officials say they are considering
Donovan McNabb as the primary suspect.
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man." - Mark Twain
SKOL VIKINGS!
by Landonio on Oct 6, 2011 12:09 AM CDT reply actions 1 recs
Supposed to be Mr. Frazier, not Mr. Tice in that second part...
typo!
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man." - Mark Twain
SKOL VIKINGS!
You misspelled 'Jamarcus Russell' in your caption
:P
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man." - Mark Twain
SKOL VIKINGS!
by Landonio on Oct 6, 2011 12:12 AM CDT up reply actions 2 recs
I thought that was particularly good one Arif.
Timely and such.
"Show me a hero, and I will write you a tragedy." - F. Scott Fitzgerald
Loadholt challenged me to a race
It was pretty unfair, because I didn’t know he got a head start.
by Arif Hasan on Oct 6, 2011 12:10 AM CDT reply actions 2 recs
Musgrave had to sell his dvd-vhs-mp3 all entertainment center
Because he could never seem to hit the right “play”
I think McNabb gets lost on the way to the bathroom
Because he can’t seem to find a way to come back.
Purple Peepee Eaters
FTW
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man." - Mark Twain
SKOL VIKINGS!
I didn't know the Vikings thought it was important to celebrate Spain
But I kept seeing yellow flags.
Sour Patch KIds (factory defect edition)
First they’re sweet, then they’re sour…
"Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger men. Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers. Pray for powers equal to your tasks. Then the doing of your work shall be no miracle, but you shall be the miracle."
by Winchestertonfieldville on Oct 6, 2011 12:53 AM CDT reply actions 1 recs
I thought McNabb switched from selling soup to hair restoration
but then I realized that NO GAIN was the play result
…
and with that, I go to bed.
I parked my car in a downtown Minneapolis lot.
Somebody broke in and left me 4 Vikings tickets on the dash.
(this is a blatant rip off of an old Twins joke from the early 80’s.)
Your fantasy football expert since Jerry Rice's rookie year.
Yo Mr. Thompson! Can you put this pic instead?
"Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger men. Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers. Pray for powers equal to your tasks. Then the doing of your work shall be no miracle, but you shall be the miracle."
by Winchestertonfieldville on Oct 6, 2011 1:02 AM CDT reply actions
^He had an incredible game with those shoes.
I'm still a Minnesotan at heart...
by urluckyday on Oct 6, 2011 10:47 AM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
"incredible game"...lolol Rec!
"Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger men. Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers. Pray for powers equal to your tasks. Then the doing of your work shall be no miracle, but you shall be the miracle."
by Winchestertonfieldville on Oct 6, 2011 3:23 PM CDT up reply actions
He had some key catches during that game to give us 1 of our 6 wins last season.
I stand by my statement, and I will always think that Berrian gets a bad rap because people can’t deal with the fact that there are other problems on this team.
I'm still a Minnesotan at heart...
Is that against the packers?
At the top of my head, he had 2 games that stood out. the 99 yards TD and the pump fake from Favre against Green Bay.
But in the spirit of this thread, I am making fun of him. There’s a proper time and place for that discussion.
"Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger men. Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers. Pray for powers equal to your tasks. Then the doing of your work shall be no miracle, but you shall be the miracle."
by Winchestertonfieldville on Oct 6, 2011 8:16 PM CDT up reply actions
No, it was last year's game against the Cardinals
Where he wore the ridiculous (ly awesome) yellow shoes and had 9 catches for 89 yards.
And he still hasn’t found the end zone since Week 11 of the 2009 season.
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by Christopher Gates on Oct 6, 2011 8:25 PM CDT up reply actions
He should be the Brian Cardinal/Mark Madsen of the team..
But the “douchy” tweets doesn’t help his case though.
"Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger men. Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers. Pray for powers equal to your tasks. Then the doing of your work shall be no miracle, but you shall be the miracle."
by Winchestertonfieldville on Oct 6, 2011 8:36 PM CDT up reply actions
An old one: What do Vikings and Raccoons have in common?
Both play dead at home and get killed on the road.
If I meant possum, I would have said possum.
When you re-hash a joke, give something new to it.
Pl don’t make me cite Racoons playing dead at home.
Vikings win the Super Bowl!
13.
Grossman: Sup, you insulin needing bitch! The sex cannon has arrived! Now get the hell out of my locker room, you chinless mother fucker!
by Wiedmann on Oct 6, 2011 1:42 AM CDT reply actions 3 recs
Out of pity the power rankings where in reverse order this week
so we’re number 1!
by Fredrick Thunborg on Oct 6, 2011 2:39 AM CDT reply actions
I saw someones really funny
comment on Sunday’s game thread. It was something along the lines of.
“My gosh, I get more excitement out of watching a monkey poo fight at the zoo”
and someone replied:
“Yeah, with more completed passes”
Had me laughing for the rest of the day whenever I thought about it.
by PurpleEaters on Oct 6, 2011 3:50 AM CDT reply actions 3 recs
McNumb’s out this week with “Turf Throw” , this injury is a lot worse than it sounds.
by Bobcat m on Oct 6, 2011 5:14 AM CDT reply actions 1 recs
Know why Donovan McNabb doesn't have any kids?
he keeps aiming for her feet.
by Chris3 on Oct 6, 2011 7:21 AM CDT reply actions 1 recs
Haha gooood one
☠★☪Creator of http://skolnation.co.cc and dedicated DN reader.
by UnBannedVikingholic on Oct 6, 2011 8:24 AM CDT up reply actions
Do you know why North Dakota doesn't have a football team?
Because then Minnesota would want one.
by B Rad on Oct 6, 2011 7:38 AM CDT reply actions 2 recs
Welcome back to the NFL's North Division Hot Potato team tournament.
In case you are just joining us, here is the game in a nutshell. In this game, each team has 2 circles, one defensive and one offensive. In a normal game of hot potato, the players would pass the potato while music is played and then whoever has control of the potato when the music stops is eliminated. In this match up, if no one has control of the potato, or if the potato is in the air when the music stops, no team members are eliminated. The object is to outlast all your opponents.
So far today, we’ve seen all the Packer’s receivers eliminated….they just can’t seem to NOT catch a ball today. Yes, but on the flip side, most Vikings remain late into this 4th round. Berrian has only caught it twice, and the music didn’t stop either time. Yes, and McNabb is still in, because he gets the potato out rather quickly. He is also helping his team mates by aiming for the ground. Wouldn’t want that thing to be caught. Adrian Peterson is out, because, unlike a few seasons ago, he just can not seem to cough it up. He has been in intense training, taking the potato with him everywhere, trying to drop it, but he has grown soo attached to it that he just can’t let it go. And the Offensive line is still in. It seems that anything that comes at them gets right through to the next in line.
I don't have enough time to continue this now,
but perhaps a collaborative effort is in order.
What does a Minnesota Viking fan do when the Vikings win the Super Bowl?
Puts down the Xbox controller.
by christian220896 on Oct 6, 2011 7:52 AM CDT reply actions 3 recs
What deflated faster than the Metrodome's roof?
The Viking’s season.
In case it was missed, here's one of Berrian's other twitter fueds
More at http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2011/10/eksklusive-bernard-berrians-other-twitter-gaffes-2.html
by Purpledork on Oct 6, 2011 8:09 AM CDT reply actions 4 recs
Please tell me this isn’t real…
"Let's go our there, and stick our fists through their ribcages, rip our their hearts, eat them, and shit them back out on the field!!" - Blue Mountain State
by Alittlemore_cowbell on Oct 6, 2011 8:10 AM CDT up reply actions
It's a joke thread. It's not real.
The pope doesn’t really have a twitter account he uses to make fun of random NFL players.
Ha! Just noticed that it was the pope… whoops : )
"Let's go our there, and stick our fists through their ribcages, rip our their hearts, eat them, and shit them back out on the field!!" - Blue Mountain State
by Alittlemore_cowbell on Oct 6, 2011 8:14 AM CDT up reply actions
That makes the getting laid thing…… Ah, yes, I see now.
"Let's go our there, and stick our fists through their ribcages, rip our their hearts, eat them, and shit them back out on the field!!" - Blue Mountain State
by Alittlemore_cowbell on Oct 6, 2011 8:16 AM CDT up reply actions
What half-time adjustment does Frazier make?
He has field maintenance put up goal posts.
Vikings tickets at half price
Problem is…you can only watch the 2nd half of the game.
Ya Sure You Bettcha
by The Bears are Ditkaless on Oct 6, 2011 8:14 AM CDT reply actions
How do the Vikings count to ten?
0-1, 0-2, 0-3, 0-4, 0-5, 0-6, 0-7, 0-8, 0-9, 0-10
"Show me a hero, and I will write you a tragedy." - F. Scott Fitzgerald
by abba7 on Oct 6, 2011 8:30 AM CDT reply actions 2 recs
beat me to it
living in Wi now I do hear a few, and that one was……cute
Try to learn from others mistakes because there just is not enough time in this world to make them all your self
by montana vikes fan on Oct 6, 2011 8:40 AM CDT up reply actions
One morning in elementary school, the students were going to a geography class. The teacher wanted to show the students where cities and states are.
The teacher asks the class, ‘Does anyone know where Pittsburgh is?
Francis raises up his hand and says, ’Yeah, Pennsylvania.’
The teacher replies, ‘Very good, Francis, now can anyone tell me were Detroit is?’
Rachel raises her hand and says, ’That’s in Michigan.’
The teacher again says, ‘Very good, Rachel.’
Trying to confuse the children, she now asks, ’Where’s Denver City?’
Ross raises his hand and says, ‘Oh, oh, pick me, I know?’
The teacher says, ‘OK, Ross where is Minnesota?’
‘Last place.’
"Show me a hero, and I will write you a tragedy." - F. Scott Fitzgerald
by abba7 on Oct 6, 2011 8:40 AM CDT reply actions 1 recs
How can you tell if you are a Daily Norseman regular?
By the amount of whiteout on your monitor!
"Show me a hero, and I will write you a tragedy." - F. Scott Fitzgerald
by abba7 on Oct 6, 2011 8:51 AM CDT reply actions 1 recs
Slow clap…
"Let's go our there, and stick our fists through their ribcages, rip our their hearts, eat them, and shit them back out on the field!!" - Blue Mountain State
by Alittlemore_cowbell on Oct 6, 2011 8:52 AM CDT up reply actions
Holes in the wall covered up by pictures might also work.
"Let's go our there, and stick our fists through their ribcages, rip our their hearts, eat them, and shit them back out on the field!!" - Blue Mountain State
by Alittlemore_cowbell on Oct 6, 2011 8:55 AM CDT up reply actions
Standard gameday view of prep for Vikings game
"Show me a hero, and I will write you a tragedy." - F. Scott Fitzgerald
no wonder Loadhoalt can't perform
look at his fridge!
Too much mustard, not enough beer.
13.
Grossman: Sup, you insulin needing bitch! The sex cannon has arrived! Now get the hell out of my locker room, you chinless mother fucker!
There's liquor in those.
That’s how you sneak it into games.
I'm at a loss for words. Daily Norseman
You look the security guard square in the eye, and say,
“Look, I just really like mustard, okay?”
He’s bound to let you in.
13.
Grossman: Sup, you insulin needing bitch! The sex cannon has arrived! Now get the hell out of my locker room, you chinless mother fucker!
Has to be an awkward moment
Both when you say that and when he realizes that their’s a sloshing sound coming from your mustard bottle.
Here's a real joke.
This is Kyle Rudolph talking about our recievers trying to catch McNabbs passes:
“He knows he can put the ball somewhere in the vicinity,” Rudolph said. “It doesn’t have to be right on the money.”
"Let's go our there, and stick our fists through their ribcages, rip our their hearts, eat them, and shit them back out on the field!!" - Blue Mountain State
by Alittlemore_cowbell on Oct 6, 2011 8:54 AM CDT reply actions
The Minnesota Vikings:
A 20th century offense for the 21st century!
Thank you, thank you, I’ll be here all week…
"I'm crazy? Cyril, you're the one who killed a perfectly good hooker!"--Sterling Archer
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When I die....
When I die, I want the MN Vikings to be my pallbearers, that way they can let me down one last time
You didn't read the article did you?
You are awarded no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
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by Eric J. Thompson on Oct 6, 2011 2:41 PM CDT up reply actions 3 recs
Try to redeem myself
Did you hear that Donovan McNabb could not get into his driveway? Someone painted and end zone on it.
I am on a roll
typo when trying to redeem self……. an end zone
Oh edit button, why do you hide from everyone?
How so?
The LOLphers have a win.
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by Eric J. Thompson on Oct 6, 2011 2:42 PM CDT up reply actions
He might be talking about first-half wins. We
"Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger men. Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers. Pray for powers equal to your tasks. Then the doing of your work shall be no miracle, but you shall be the miracle."
by Winchestertonfieldville on Oct 6, 2011 3:28 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
Rec'd for sentence fragment.
13.
Grossman: Sup, you insulin needing bitch! The sex cannon has arrived! Now get the hell out of my locker room, you chinless mother fucker!
Child please.
"Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger men. Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers. Pray for powers equal to your tasks. Then the doing of your work shall be no miracle, but you shall be the miracle."
by Winchestertonfieldville on Oct 6, 2011 10:00 PM CDT up reply actions
Now you are just lacking a verb.
You’re getting closer.
13.
Grossman: Sup, you insulin needing bitch! The sex cannon has arrived! Now get the hell out of my locker room, you chinless mother fucker!
Donovan McIlooklikealinebackerandthrowlikeonetoo
"Let's go our there, and stick our fists through their ribcages, rip our their hearts, eat them, and shit them back out on the field!!" - Blue Mountain State
by Alittlemore_cowbell on Oct 6, 2011 9:36 AM CDT via mobile reply actions 1 recs
Without Reading Any Comments Above...
Bernard Buryhim…he’s dead anyway. Donovan McMissthrows. Phil Loadlight. Here’s a joke: McNabb, Berrian and Loadholt. That’s it, that’s the joke.
SKOL Vikings!
Another joke
McNabb tells Berrian at the beginning of the season, “The only way for us to win is if you go long every play. A few times a game, I’ll throw you the ball deep, you just run real fast and catch it.” After four games, and still no win, Berrian asks McNabb, “hey, how come you’ve only thrown me the ball, like, 2 times this season, and how come it’s never been when I was deep?” McNabb looks at Berrian dumbfounded and says, “Dude, I’ve thrown you the ball like, 16 times, what the hell were you doing?”. Berrian looks confused, and answers, “Really?, no way. I’m better than that.” Frazier walks in and overhears the last part of the conversation and says, "Good job fellas, you’re both executing just how I’ve asked you to. Now get back on the practice field and continue our mantra this season: “Suck For Luck.”
SKOL Vikings!
Following the funeral of Viking WR Bernard Berrian coach Frazier was asked why the receiver was buried 25 feet in the ground.
“Well”, Frazier replied, “We finally figured out how to send him deep in a way that would really benefit the offense.”
That's a little dark.
13.
Grossman: Sup, you insulin needing bitch! The sex cannon has arrived! Now get the hell out of my locker room, you chinless mother fucker!
by Wiedmann on Oct 6, 2011 12:34 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
I said be ruthless
I’ll allow it!!
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by Eric J. Thompson on Oct 6, 2011 2:43 PM CDT up reply actions
Would the mother of eleven children please come pick them up from the Metrodome?
They’re beating the Vikings 35-0. The four year old has picked off McNabb twice.
by B Rad on Oct 6, 2011 11:42 AM CDT reply actions 3 recs
What do the 2011 Vikings and Republican Candidate Rick Perry have in common?
both blame their struggles on late starts
both fade quickly after entering the actual competition
both owe at least some of their problems to a ringer who couldn’t get the leadership to understand no means no
both are currently less likely to win than a couple of girls
What do the Vikings and an M. Night Shyamalan movie have in common?
You waste hours watching them and they end terribly.
by monsoon_season on Oct 6, 2011 11:55 AM CDT reply actions 1 recs
I'm open a lot!
Bernard Berrian creates about as much separation from the secondary as a Sconnie does from his alcohol.
by igjoe on Oct 6, 2011 12:29 PM CDT reply actions 2 recs
Berrian Blackmail?
Personally, I think BB must have pics of Ziggy fooling around. I can think of NO OTHER reason he still earns a paycheck in the NFL.
McNabb puts the ball right between the numbers
unfortunately the numbers painted on the field are the only ones big enough for him to target.
by A shot at greatness, probable failure on Oct 6, 2011 1:17 PM CDT reply actions 4 recs
The Vikings Adjustments
Instead of placing Horns on their helmets, they’ve made a slight change to what appears to be a sperm in hope that it would produce something.
I have one...
Who do you call old washed up players from the eagles, bears, or Packers? The Minnesota Vikings.
☠★☪Creator of http://skolnation.co.cc and dedicated DN reader.
by UnBannedVikingholic on Oct 6, 2011 1:24 PM CDT reply actions 1 recs
What's the point of Minnesota Vikings having fingers
…oh yeah for a marriage ring.
☠★☪Creator of http://skolnation.co.cc and dedicated DN reader.
by UnBannedVikingholic on Oct 6, 2011 1:27 PM CDT reply actions
Its been like 6 years since a vikings QB scored
and that was on Lake Minnetonka, not on the field.
by A shot at greatness, probable failure on Oct 6, 2011 1:30 PM CDT reply actions
The Dr's figured out what was causing Harvin's migranes
beating his head against the wall playing for the Vikings
by A shot at greatness, probable failure on Oct 6, 2011 1:33 PM CDT reply actions 3 recs
All-time Favorite
Q: Why wasn’t Jesus born in Wisconsin?
A: Because they couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.
Phil Loadholt was double parked
but he didnt get a ticket, turns out he cant block traffic either.
by A shot at greatness, probable failure on Oct 6, 2011 1:44 PM CDT reply actions 4 recs
Like this one ^^
"Democracy is a device that ensures we shall be governed no better than we deserve."
George Bernard Shaw
"In those days the best painkiller was ice; it wasn't addictive and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it."
George Burns
by just another viking on Oct 6, 2011 3:23 PM CDT up reply actions
The Lead
What do the Vikings and Tom Arnold have in common? Neither is any good with a lead.
A sad tale..
A small child walks into the courtroom, his hair a mess, his face disheveled with the stain of old tears. He musters enough courage to look up at the judge, waiting anxiously his fate. The judge declares ,“You are here today to tell me you no longer wish to be in custody of your family.”
“I am” The boy replies meekly. “They abuse me constantly.”
“How about your grandparents?” Inquires the judge.
“They hurtt me too.”
“Ok then, who would you like to have custody of you?”
“The Minnesota Vikings, your honor.”
“The Vikings? Why them? They aren’t very good this year son.”
“Exactly your honor! The Vikings never beat anyone!”
by Jepp The Viking on Oct 6, 2011 1:45 PM CDT reply actions 3 recs
Like you don't get any abuse being a Vikings fan...
13.
Grossman: Sup, you insulin needing bitch! The sex cannon has arrived! Now get the hell out of my locker room, you chinless mother fucker!
Why do the Vikings play in the Dome?
because if it was an open stadium AP would keep running until he got the hell out of here.
by A shot at greatness, probable failure on Oct 6, 2011 1:47 PM CDT reply actions
The NFL is investigating why the Packers have 4 home games this year
ok that isnt even funny, but there probably will be more green jerseys in the dome than purple ones. We gotta make sure that doesnt happen!
by A shot at greatness, probable failure on Oct 6, 2011 1:51 PM CDT reply actions
Who knew?
the Twins AND the Vikings would be all done for the season in October?
by A shot at greatness, probable failure on Oct 6, 2011 1:53 PM CDT reply actions
Not to mention the gawdaful Gophers.
Here’s what’s worse:
Vikings last place, Packers first place
Gophers last place, Badgers first place
(and this one probably hasn’t happened in 30+ years):
Twins last place, Brewers first place.
2011 will go down in Minnesota sports history as perhaps the WORST sports year ever. Yeah, it does make it worse when your next-door neighbor is on a good run and you’re sitting in the toilet.
But we’ve got the LYNX. We do have the LYNX, dammit!
I don't mind the NBA lockout being delayed a little..I'm not sure I can have another load.
"Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger men. Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers. Pray for powers equal to your tasks. Then the doing of your work shall be no miracle, but you shall be the miracle."
by Winchestertonfieldville on Oct 6, 2011 3:26 PM CDT up reply actions
Good stuff so far
Keep ‘em coming! We’re a little light in the clever nicknames department—it can be anyone on the team, not just the few I mentioned.
Proud contributor to Daily Norseman and SB Nation Minnesota.
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by Eric J. Thompson on Oct 6, 2011 2:47 PM CDT reply actions
Watching the offense......
…..is like watching two Bernard Berrians try to hump a doorknob.
We are the vikings.......resistance is futile.
A Vikings fan goes to the doctor with abdominal pain.....
He says " Doc, every time I have a few beers and watch the Vikings this year I get sharp pains in my gut."
The Doctor responds " You might have a serious problem, you’ll have to have a barium enema to find out what’s wrong."
Fan says " A Berrian enema! That’s exactly what I need to feel better. Flush that turd off the team! "
Doctor explains procedure. Fan says " Oh, I guess watching the Vikings lose isn’t so bad. "
At the Pearly Gates
The plane carrying the 2011 Minnesota Vikings on a cross country flight for a road game crashed, killing everyone aboard.
Adrian Peterson was first to arrive at the Pearly Gates, where he was met by St. Peter, who asked him “Why do you think you should be allowed into football heaven?”. Adrian thought for a while, and then said "I have never won a championship or a superbowl, but every game I played I tried my hardest and fought to the end. St. Peter said "That is a good answer, you may come in.
Percy Harvin was next to arrive at the Pearly Gates, and was asked the same question. He thought for a bit, and then said “I joined a team that took a chance on me, so I knuckled down, worked hard, figured out a way to manage my migraines and gave everything I had on the field.”. St. Peter said “That is a good answer my son, you may come in.”
Donovan Mcnabb was next to arrive, and was also asked the same question. He thought for a bit, and then said “I led the Philadelphia Eagles to Superbowl XXXIX.” “That’s true” said St. Peter, “but you lost that game and you also had four other chances to get to the Superbowl, so I’m afraid that’s not enough”. Donovan thought for a bit longer, and then said “When I was with the Washington Redskins, I played so badly I made Rex Grossman look good.” “That is also true” said St. Peter "but I’m afraid that Brian Griese has already claimed that answer for himself. Donovan was now desperate, and finally after thinking for a long time, said “After I left Washington, I went to play for the Minnesota Vikings. They have endured decades of pain and suffering, losing four times in the Superbowl, and also losing four times in the NFC Championship. They missed a Superbowl in a 15-1 season, and have been persecuted by terrible refereeing throughout their history. I went to that team to ease the suffering of their fans.” “And how did you do that, my son?” asked St. Peter “Did you lead them to victory in the Superbowl?”. “Hell no” said Donovan “I just made them forget how miserable they were in 2010.”
by Beserker on Oct 6, 2011 5:12 PM CDT via mobile reply actions
There's Hope
Footballs is not completely over, the Minnesota Valkeryie of the lingerie league are undefeated. Face it, they’re hot and could probably beat the Vikings
My favorite
Two guys from International Falls die and wake up in hell. The next day the devil stops in to check on them and sees them dressed in parkas, mittens and bomber hats warming themselves around the fire. The devil asks them, “What are you doing? Isn’t it hot enough for you?” The two guys reply, “Vell, ya know, we’re from nordern Minnesoda, the land of ice and snow and cold. We’re just happy for a chance to warm up a little bit, ya know” The devil decides that these two aren’t miserable enough and turns up the heat. The next morning he stops in and there they are, still dressed in parkas and mittens. The devil asks them again, “It’s awfully hot down here, can’t you guys feel that?” Again the two guys reply, “Vell, like we told ya yesterday, we’re from nordern Minnesota, the land of ice and snow and cold. We’re just happy for a chance to warm up a bit, ya know.” This gets the devil a little steamed up and he decides to fix the two guys. He cranks up the heat as high as it will go. The people are wailing and screaming everywhere. He stops by the room with the two guys and finds them in light jackets and hats, grilling walleye and drinking beer. The devil is astonished, “Everyone down here is in abject misery, and you two seem to be enjoying yourselves.” The two Minnesodans reply, “Vell, ya know, we don’t get too much warm weather up dere in International Falls, we’ve just got to have a fish fry when the weather’s this nice.” The devil is so absolutely furious, he can hardly see straight. Finally he comes up with the answer and decides to turn all the heat off in hell. The next morning, the temperature is below zero, icicles are hanging everywhere. The devil smiles and heads for the room with the two Minnesodans. He gets there and finds them back in their parkas, bomber hats, and mittens. They are jumping up and down, cheering, yelling and screaming like mad men. The devil is dumbfounded, “I don’t understand, when I turn up the heat, you’re happy. Now it’s freezing cold and you’re ecstatic. What is wrong with you two?” The Minnesodans look at the devil I surprise, “Vell, ya know, if hell froze over, dat must mean da Vikings won da Super Bowl!”
by minvikes1975 on Oct 6, 2011 6:37 PM CDT via mobile reply actions
An old one
A Detroit fan, a Chicago fan, a Green Bay fan, and a Minnesota fan are climbing a mountain, all the way arguing about which team has the best fans.
They eventually get to the top of the mountain, and the Detroit fan screams, “This is for the Lions!” He then proceeds to throw himself off of the side of the mountain.
The Chicago fan, not to be outdone, screams, “This is for the Bears!” He then, also, proceeds to throw himself off the side of the mountain.
The Minnesota fan, not wanting to be seen as a bad fan, screams, “This is for the Vikings!”
And pushes the Green Bay fan off the side of the mountain.
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by Christopher Gates on Oct 6, 2011 7:10 PM CDT reply actions 5 recs
Freakin classic.
"Let's go our there, and stick our fists through their ribcages, rip our their hearts, eat them, and shit them back out on the field!!" - Blue Mountain State
by Alittlemore_cowbell on Oct 6, 2011 10:04 PM CDT up reply actions
Name the Vikings 2011 O-line
The Redskins of old had “The Hogs” up front. They were big, ugly and the best in the business.
Through the first 4 games of this year, I think our O-line has developed a personality worthy of the nickname. Here’s a few suggestions based on the characteristic of the offensive line that is most obvious to me.
The Ozone layer line
The Flat Tires
The Swiss Cheese line
The Donut line
The Blow Holes
Instead of an “O-line that has holes in it” theme, you could go with the “leaky O-line” theme:
The Cracked Cups
The O-line that needed a little dutch boy’s finger
The Rusted Pipes
The Old Faucets
I’m sure there are other names and other themes that would work too.
"Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain." - Lily Tomlin
There are unfortunately a lot of themes
Hold the Line
Big Mac (2 reasons – McKinnie and because it needs Special (K) Sauce to be any good)
Letting the Guards down
End Times (Defensive Ends have the time of their life with our line)
Turnstile
etc.
Nicknames
Percy StarvingForPlays
Donovan McNabbedInTheBackfield
TobyAFullBackorNotToBe Gerhart
Bill MustPassWithALeadIntoMyGrave
Chris Cooked
Ashes to Allen
JaMakingMeAngry Sanford
Lorenzo BooksIt (He’s got gettin away from the cops speed!)
Bernard BerriBad
Adrian PetersCan’tCarryTheTeamOn HisBack
Fred PayAttentionToTheSoftZoneAndGag
Mr. BB
Here’s another one for no. 87: BerNeverFullyUnderstoodTheConceptOfReceivingYard Berrian
Hmmm nicknames huh? I'm going to the dollar menu to field this one
McChicken
McNotValue Meal
Egg McSuckin’ …with cheese
And last but not least
The “Only2Quarter” pounder
by PURPpplEATER on Oct 7, 2011 9:19 AM CDT via mobile reply actions
Clown shoes Berrian
Don't worry...he's still terrible
by PURPpplEATER on Oct 7, 2011 9:24 AM CDT via mobile reply actions
Why do nice guys always finish last?
Because sometimes you’re named Madieu
by PURPpplEATER on Oct 7, 2011 9:26 AM CDT via mobile reply actions
If I had a nickel for everytime the vikings broke my heart
I’d have a shitload of nickels
by PURPpplEATER on Oct 7, 2011 9:30 AM CDT via mobile reply actions
(Generic Mike Vick Joke)
Spoiler Alert(we’re the dogs)
by PURPpplEATER on Oct 7, 2011 9:32 AM CDT via mobile reply actions
Tyrell Johnson...
Dropping more balls than teenagers
by PURPpplEATER on Oct 7, 2011 9:39 AM CDT via mobile reply actions
What do Bernard Berrian and a pubescent teenager have in common?
They’re both likely to drop 2 balls at any time
by PURPpplEATER on Oct 7, 2011 9:44 AM CDT via mobile reply actions
Ok sorry about all the testicle jokes guys..I'm way out of line..I promise no more
Ok so Bernard Berrian, Tyrell Johnson, and Donovan McNabb walk into a bar…damn it I already broke my promise
by PURPpplEATER on Oct 7, 2011 9:47 AM CDT via mobile reply actions
A new TV show..The Love Boat starring Tyrell Johnson and Bernard Berrian.
In this weeks episode the boys find out that a case of the McCrabs is going around. No worries, they don’t catch a thing.
Featuring special guest, Crazy Uncle Madieu
by PURPpplEATER on Oct 7, 2011 9:57 AM CDT via mobile reply actions
I once had a dream that Donovan McNabb was sailing the Titanic
Crisis averted
by PURPpplEATER on Oct 7, 2011 9:58 AM CDT via mobile reply actions
What do a Vaccuum cleaner and Donovan McNabb have in common?
They can't throw a football
by PURPpplEATER on Oct 7, 2011 10:01 AM CDT via mobile reply actions
Donovan McNabb Taking The Wonderlic Test
…He can barely pass
by PURPpplEATER on Oct 7, 2011 10:03 AM CDT via mobile reply actions
Purple Pain
The Minnesota Vikings canceled practiced today due to a player found white powder on the field. The F.B.I. and Homeland Security were called in to investigate. The field was lined. With caution tape and all proper channels were followed, in fear of a terrorist attack. After further review it was determined that the substance was end zone marking and practice resumed. Officials said the playing surface is safe considering the Vikings won’t be near the end zone any time soon
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