Last we left the fearless leaders of the Minnesota Vikings, Scott Studwell had just announced to Zygi Wilf, Rick Spielman, Mike Singletary, and Rick Spielman that Charlie Sheen had been hired to help scout the future stars of the Minnesota Vikings. After many meetings on the matter, as well as some rocket trips to the moon, Sheen has decided that he has an answer and has summoned a meeting with the previous individuals in his rock star mansion-office.
Alright guys. Charlie says he's found the first player he'd like to go after. It's someone who's currently unaffiliated with a team, and he says that this guy's just happy to be in Minnesota.
Who is it? Oshiomogho Atogwe? Shaun Rodgers? Marcus Stroud?
Jeremy Shockey. I read a great article on the Daily Norseman about us possibly acquiring him.
You want to add an aging vet to a position that's suffering from age already?
Well, he could be a stop-gap...
I mean, you know, he could give us some more time to...
If we got him cheap...
REMEMBER, WE ARE THE MINNESOTA VIKINGS. WE DO THINGS WITH GROUP CONSENSUS AND BROTHERLY LOVE. BUT RICK- SHUT UP. YOUR OPINION NO LONGER COUNTS.
Yeah Rick. We don't want a repeat of the last meeting, do we? Now then, back to the matter at hand. After Frazier, Singletary and I met with him a few times...
Bro, those meetings were bitchin'. It was like some hot springs in Middle Earth were ready to explode outward.
Charlie, what did I tell you about calling me bro? Anyways, the three of us determined that replacing Ben Leber with another solid outside linebacker was a priority.
So, the linebacker coach who was a former linebacker, another former linebacker, and our former defensive coordinator all agreed that... linebacker was our greatest need? That seems impartial.
Can't is the cancer of happening, bro.
...I didn't say the word ‘can't', Charlie.
Both of you be quiet before Singeltary puts his helmet on.
AHHHH! I forgot a change of suit!
Let's get back to this. OK, so, may I introduce the Minnesota Vikings' newest linebacker...
Let us wage jihad against Switzerland, Zionism, and the other football teams of the NFL.
This man is battle-tested bayonets, bro. Resentment is the rocket fuel that lives in the tip of his sabre.
THIS IS AN EXCELLENT MOVE. WE MUST WIN A SUPER BOWL IN 2011 AT ALL COSTS. IT IS THE ONLY WAY. THERE IS NO TOMORROW.
Well, I'd still like to ask Mr. Gadhafi a few questions. Moammar, what do you think you can add to our defense?
Either they will give us back the football, or they will invite us into their line of scrimmage.
Aggressive. I like it. Good intensity.
YOU WANT INTENSITY? WATCH THIS!
Mike, what did we say about keeping your pants on?
AHHHH! IT'S AS BAD AS HIS STARE! NO, WORSE! IT'S MUCH MUCH WORSE!
We need to keep Spielman clean for at least one meeting, guys. OK, Moammar, back to this. What do you envision as your role on our defense?
At the suitable time, we will open the arms depot so that all defenders may be armed, and that the football field becomes red with fire.
...are you fully aware of the rules in the NFL?
He's speaking metaphorically.
Are you sure?
I think his passion is misinterpreted as anger sometimes. And I don't think people are ready for the message that he's delivering, and delivering with a sense of violent love.
THE FANS WILL LOVE HIM. THEY WILL DIE TO PROTECT HIM.
Are dying fans good for getting a new stadium built?
And they're going to fuel the battle cry of his deadly and dangerous and secret and silent soldiers. Because they're all around you.
I thought Gadhafi said that.
It can get confusing. OK, we're almost done here. Moammar, are you going to be able to keep it together even when the game goes wrong?
I am a fighter. I am a struggler.
WE HAVE FOUND OUR SOLUTION. THIS IS EVEN BETTER THAN BRETT FAVRE. I WAS A GENIUS TO SEND RYAN LONGWELL, JARED ALLEN, AND STEVE HUTCHINSON ON MY PRIVATE JET TO EVACUATE GADHAFI HERE. SKOL!