Charlie Sheen Picks a Replacement for Ben Leber

Last we left the fearless leaders of the Minnesota Vikings, Scott Studwell had just announced to Zygi Wilf, Rick Spielman, Mike Singletary, and Rick Spielman that Charlie Sheen had been hired to help scout the future stars of the Minnesota Vikings. After many meetings on the matter, as well as some rocket trips to the moon, Sheen has decided that he has an answer and has summoned a meeting with the previous individuals in his rock star mansion-office.

Scott_studwell_medium Alright guys. Charlie says he's found the first player he'd like to go after. It's someone who's currently unaffiliated with a team, and he says that this guy's just happy to be in Minnesota.

Singletary_medium Who is it? Oshiomogho Atogwe? Shaun Rodgers? Marcus Stroud?

Rick_spielman_medium Jeremy Shockey?

Leslie_frazier_medium Singletary_medium Scott_studwell_medium Wilf_medium What?

Rick_spielman_medium Jeremy Shockey. I read a great article on the Daily Norseman about us possibly acquiring him.

Leslie_frazier_medium You want to add an aging vet to a position that's suffering from age already?

Rick_spielman_medium Well, he could be a stop-gap...

Leslie_frazier_medium ...

Rick_spielman_medium I mean, you know, he could give us some more time to...

Leslie_frazier_medium ...

Rick_spielman_medium If we got him cheap...

Leslie_frazier_medium Singletary_medium Scott_studwell_medium Wilf_medium ...

Spielman_looks_left_medium

Spielman_looks_right_medium 

Spielman_is_sad_medium 

Wilf_medium REMEMBER, WE ARE THE MINNESOTA VIKINGS. WE DO THINGS WITH GROUP CONSENSUS AND BROTHERLY LOVE. BUT RICK- SHUT UP. YOUR OPINION NO LONGER COUNTS.

Scott_studwell_medium Yeah Rick. We don't want a repeat of the last meeting, do we? Now then, back to the matter at hand. After Frazier, Singletary and I met with him a few times...

Charlie_medium Bro, those meetings were bitchin'. It was like some hot springs in Middle Earth were ready to explode outward.

Scott_studwell_medium Charlie, what did I tell you about calling me bro? Anyways, the three of us determined that replacing Ben Leber with another solid outside linebacker was a priority.

Rick_spielman_medium So, the linebacker coach who was a former linebacker, another former linebacker, and our former defensive coordinator all agreed that... linebacker was our greatest need? That seems impartial.

Charlie_medium Can't is the cancer of happening, bro.

Rick_spielman_medium ...I didn't say the word ‘can't', Charlie.

Scott_studwell_medium Both of you be quiet before Singeltary puts his helmet on.

Mike-singletary-eyes_medium TOO LATE!

Rick_spielman_medium AHHHH! I forgot a change of suit!

Scott_studwell_medium Let's get back to this. OK, so, may I introduce the Minnesota Vikings' newest linebacker...

Ghadafi_medium Let us wage jihad against Switzerland, Zionism, and the other football teams of the NFL.

Charlie_medium This man is battle-tested bayonets, bro. Resentment is the rocket fuel that lives in the tip of his sabre.

Wilf_medium THIS IS AN EXCELLENT MOVE. WE MUST WIN A SUPER BOWL IN 2011 AT ALL COSTS. IT IS THE ONLY WAY. THERE IS NO TOMORROW.

Leslie_frazier_medium Well, I'd still like to ask Mr. Gadhafi a few questions. Moammar, what do you think you can add to our defense?

Ghadafi_medium Either they will give us back the football, or they will invite us into their line of scrimmage.

Scott_studwell_medium Aggressive. I like it. Good intensity.

Mike-singletary-eyes_medium YOU WANT INTENSITY? WATCH THIS!

Leslie_frazier_medium Mike, what did we say about keeping your pants on?

Rick_spielman_medium AHHHH! IT'S AS BAD AS HIS STARE! NO, WORSE! IT'S MUCH MUCH WORSE!

Leslie_frazier_medium We need to keep Spielman clean for at least one meeting, guys. OK, Moammar, back to this. What do you envision as your role on our defense?

Ghadafi_medium At the suitable time, we will open the arms depot so that all defenders may be armed, and that the football field becomes red with fire.

Leslie_frazier_medium ...are you fully aware of the rules in the NFL?

Scott_studwell_medium He's speaking metaphorically.

Leslie_frazier_medium Are you sure?

Scott_studwell_medium ...no.

Charlie_medium I think his passion is misinterpreted as anger sometimes. And I don't think people are ready for the message that he's delivering, and delivering with a sense of violent love.

Wilf_medium THE FANS WILL LOVE HIM. THEY WILL DIE TO PROTECT HIM.

Leslie_frazier_medium Are dying fans good for getting a new stadium built?

Charlie_medium And they're going to fuel the battle cry of his deadly and dangerous and secret and silent soldiers. Because they're all around you.

Rick_spielman_medium I thought Gadhafi said that.

Leslie_frazier_medium It can get confusing. OK, we're almost done here. Moammar, are you going to be able to keep it together even when the game goes wrong?

Ghadafi_medium I am a fighter. I am a struggler.

Wilf_medium WE HAVE FOUND OUR SOLUTION. THIS IS EVEN BETTER THAN BRETT FAVRE. I WAS A GENIUS TO SEND RYAN LONGWELL, JARED ALLEN, AND STEVE HUTCHINSON ON MY PRIVATE JET TO EVACUATE GADHAFI HERE. SKOL!

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