This man also wins. At life. - Bruce Kluckhohn-US PRESSWIRE
Well, they didn't lose anyways. What's this? A compliment sandwich piece?! You're welcome, everyone.
First off, my apologies everyone. I know that traditionally the Compliment Sandwich piece occurs on Mondays, but something popped
out er, up and kinda grabbed my attention. Anyways, I think by and large the Vikings had a successful bye week. Yes, Michael Jenkins' foot is now sore and Percy Harvin still needs a bit more time to fully patch up, but we avoided arrests, off-the-field injuries, basically scandal of all color.
That said, there's always room for improvement. Here is a very special Bye Week edition of the compliment sandwich piece, and of course it's a Thanksgiving-styled turkey and cranberry affair. Also, two important announcements on my end at the bottom: one for my Twitter followers, and one for my Floridian Viking Friends.
Compliment: Jared Allen recently hosted a gala supporting the troops, but was relatively quiet this bye week. My independent sources, however, have confirmed that he did, on Wednesday afternoon, eat a delicious chicken and swiss sandwich. I'd like to compliment him on his use of fresh tomatoes; I think sometimes, when we make sandwiches, we tend to underestimate the importance of the plant matter involved. A slice of fresh tomato makes all the difference in the world compared to your average, barely flavored slice; and a major kudos to Mr. Allen for recognizing this.
But: I do have to take issue with the use of honey-wheat bread. I just don't think this was the proper breading for such a sandwich. While it does have its purposes, I personally believe that if you stick with your basic white or wheat- I suppose, if you're the adventurous type, rye can be acceptable- when making a chicken and swiss sandwich you're just going to enjoy it better. I don't feel that the slightly sweet flavor of his choice was the proper decision.
That said: He lived true to his word and used extra mayonnaise. This is a lifestyle choice, akin to the mullet lifestyle, and one I fully support. Remember- you always ask for extra mayo.
Compliment: Matt Kalil and Chris Kluwe went to the meetings of their respective alma maters when USC and UCLA met over the weekend, and hyped up the event by making a bet: whoever's team lost, the loser would do pushups at midfield after the game. Good job by both of these individuals to pump up their old stomping grounds and promote the game by giving those otherwise uninterested a reason to at least follow the score.
But: Kalil welched!!! No, this one's not a joke piece (obviously most of these are, be prepared)- Kalil actually dodged his bet! When the game was over, Kluwe went looking for him, but he was nowhere to be found. Boooo!
That said: This is going to be interesting because Kluwe is now on the war
craft path. He's already been preparing how to best get his revenge; my favorite thus far is his suggestion to post Kalil's phone number on CraigsList under the listing: "SWM looking for discipline. Leather a plus, must work well with farm animals." This will be good.
Compliment: Adrian Peterson secretly snuck out to his remote laboratory in the South Pacific to adjust a few wires and replace some old hydraulic fuel. Apparently the mad scientists behind his cybernetic creation also installed some new boosters. He said he was determined to return from the bye better than before, and he's staying true to his word.
But: The NFL rules may not specifically state that laser cannons are prohibited, but I have a feeling that he will at the minimum receive a fine if he uses them regardless. With the NFL's heightened focus on player safety, I don't think Rodger Goodell will look kindly on AP disintegrating the entire Bears DEF, and I would respectfully request that he strongly consider keeping them inside their titanium casing.
That said: I'm not entirely sure what's behind this, but now every time AP moves, you can hear the ‘nuhnuhnuhnuh' from The Six Million Dollar Man. A source confirms that this occurred even when he was sitting at a Starbucks recently and just casually lifted his coffee. All I know is that it bodes well.
Compliment: Christian Ponder apparently spent his bye week following Samantha Steele around and just hanging out while she was working. Awww.
But: Also, a little creepy. I'm just saying. I mean, I get it, I really do- but the photo of him at the College Gameday set just standing there, staring at her while in a hoodie... I dunno man.
That said: So long as we don't see that same picture of him, but standing outside of her bathroom window, I think we're good.
Compliment: Bill Musgrave spent the bye week reviewing game tape, and apparently he's come to the realization that when you're third and long, you should adjust and create a specific play just for that situation.
But: This one's a joke and I don't think he's actually come to that conclusion.
That said: No really dude, adjust when it's third and long. Short screen passes, dump offs behind the line of scrimmage, designed QB runs... don't do that. This problem is so bad that I'm not even ending it with a compliment, just pull your head out of your ass and get it done.
And there you go. The Bears lost, but the Packers won (I stand by my horrific statement to the Lions after that, by the way- seriously, WTF are you good for again?), and we now sit just one game behind both of them. Starting this Sunday, we officially have the chance to grab the NFC North crown once and for all. Will we do it? I don't know. Certainly a lot is being made about the nightmare that Soldier Field has come to represent for the beloved purple as of late; even the mighty 2009 incarnation of Brett Favre could not succeed there. But- we can hope. And mind you, with the Bucs (ADFADFADSFNDNDFDTRRRRGH) soaring and the Seahawks maintaining, it's my personal belief that we're going to need the division crown to make it to the playoffs; thanks to our losses to those two teams, I do believe that they will have the WC spots. Is it early to call that? Yes, but that's just a gut feeling.
Ah, and speaking of this coming Sunday, I'd like to remind all of my twitter followers that you have until then to help me get to 100 followers. I'm sitting pretty at 91 (after losing a few apparently because of the following threat...), but if I don't hit that mark, I will post a picture of me in a bikini on Twitter. Get me more followers. DO IT.
And, for the fellow Floridian Viking fans, since the previous location wouldn't work due to the smoking issue, we're going to have our little get-together for the second Bears game, December 9th, at 1:00pm held now at the Tilted Kilt, located at 2571 Drew St, Clearwater, FL 33765. As always, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org (be sure to title it something that clarifies you're not spam) or call/ text me at 727-385-3694. Hope to see many of you there!