FanPost

Don't Pay the Ransom, I've Escaped

So now that the Vikings have arrived at the point I thought they would (going 10 and 6, a.k.a. wild card) what will happen next? Can we consult history, military analogies, or those damned statisticians Mark Twain always cautioned us about?

Nay, let us resort to much sterner stuff. Sure Carlson has not had the season I had envisioned, but that's why they play the games. It's not that I am quite fond of Rumsfeld's blasted unknown unknowns, but face it, my fellow Hobbits: reality is just like that. Humanity involves being clueless. If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you, you clearly don't understand the gravity of the situation or how the blame game is to be played, let alone the exalted sport of pro football.

Beware of pundits bearing gifts: "The Forty Niners are the best team in the NFL." (...until the Vikings beat them.) "The Texans are the best team in the AFC." (...until the Vikings beat them.) "The Packers are the best team in... um... the NFC North?" (Ahem... This "any given Sunday" thing is really getting old.)

Listen, my readers, and you shall hear how Viking legends reappear--even in this vast wasteland where the background might make you snowblind.

The 2012 Minnesota Vikings are not 'retro'. they are "old school", but do not let their antiquity fool you. They are not "one-dimensional". You can stop All Day nine yards short, perhaps to assuage some eighties' running back and let him go back to contemplating the fate of his preferred Medicare Advantage plan, but that won't bring you happiness when you're growing old. (I told us not to lets Dean Martin gets in here. Yes, but we is so, so worried. Yes, my precious, now where was we? Ah yes, you wants to know if the Vikings will find the rings, and apparently they have been invisble to pundits all season long.

Additionally, even the guys in Vegas think the Vikngs cannot win four more games in a row because of the fact they have already won four games in a row, as recently as right now, going back to the day you were being told in print to stick a fork in them. Yes, Virginia, a little Christmas magic music.

It's a copy-cat league. No one is copying the Vikings, and up to this point, the ring has kept them out of sight.

Many a Cheesehead is snuggled warm in bed as visions of victory dance in the head. How soon they forget the words of Joe Buck's disgusting freak, the ghost of Christmas past, whispering to the crowd, "Read the f#$%ing scoreboard!!!" Say it ain't so, Joe. Moon River, wider than a mile...

Yes, Mr. Macini. It ain't the sixties anymore, but tonight we're going to party like it's 1969. Time for some breakfast music. And still those voices are calling from far away, but Don, before Sven and Olie dance Gangnam style in their Hell Freezes Over Tour, let's ponder the truth. We must have our spirit here right now and dot all our eyes, every one, eh Tiny Tim?

Well tip-toe through the tulips! The pundits must surely be asking, as Butch once did about the Pinkerton's, "Who are those guys?" The truth will eventually catches us, eh Gollum? It's relentless. Yes it is.

Let's hope Coach McCarthy brings a knife to a gun fight.

Journalism demands we give a prediction, but give one where one can remain blameless. Let's get Willie Joe to do it. It won't get you a Nobel Prize, but who wants some guilt trip for high explosives going off in your face? Enquiring minds of the world unite; you have nothing to lose but your chains. Let's move the chains!

You may think the lunar landing was done in L.A. but as for me and Grandma, we believe. Where is that new stadium?

The Year of the Dragon is ending. The Vikings are ruled by water signs. Yet things go in cycles. Ask the Mayans. Hey, Mayans, where are you when we need you? So, punk, how many shots are left in the most powerful hand gun in the world? Do you feel lucky?

Live from Lambeau, it's Saturday night. As that Mr. Christian Ponder once said, "You know, I don't have the arm strength to make that throw, but some how I did it." (: Hint, hint.)

Damn the pundits; full speed ahead.

This FanPost was created by a registered user of The Daily Norseman, and does not necessarily reflect the views of the staff of the site. However, since this is a <em>community</em>, that view is no less important.

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