Final Ultimate Misery Mix 2011 Results

"Hey, you. Good job on the Ultimate Misery Mix 2011." Yeah, we're kind of a big deal. Even the governor's office knows about us.

The Super Bowl has come and gone, the final remnants of the 2011 NFL season are over, done, finished.

Seems a fitting time to wrap up the Ultimate Misery Mix 2011, our effort here at DN to have some fun with a season that seemed to do its best to depress and annoy stalwart Minnesota Vikings fans. The off season, filled with stadium debate and political posturing, isn't promising to treat us well either, but at least we'll have a few months before on-field issues can irritate us again. So, angle your monitor away from the boss and kick back, we're bringing you the final two tracks from the UMM2011.

Join me after the jump for the winners of the Track 12 and 13 challenges and a look back at all the UMM2011 winners.

Track 12

During the 2011 season there weren't a lot of bright spots but, even when things with the Vikings were at their worst, we could count on Chris Kluwe's clever, irreverent humor to make us laugh. When he wasn't making Donovan McNabb a deal he couldn't refuse for the honor of getting to wear #5, he was referring to Atlanta Falcons receiver Kerry Meier as a "douchepickle" for what he felt was a cheap shot on Vikings long snapper Cullen Loeffler, or engaging in some guest writing at Deadspin. Kluwe keeps things interesting, surprising, and funny, that's why he gets a track devoted to him on UMM2011.

Third place goes to Beserker for submitting the Steve Miller Band's classic "The Joker". If anyone on the Vikings' roster is a space cowboy, it's probably Kluwe. I'm a little less sure about him being the gangster of love.

Holding down second place is a submission by posta124, "Wonder Boy" by Tenacious D. Ah, Tenacious D...what more is there to say? Oh, except that HueGKoch is sharing second place with the submission of "In the Garage" by Weezer. It seems like a safe guess that Kluwe played at least one game of Dungeons and Dragons.

First place and winner of the Track 12 challenge goes to Admiral BigGun for submitting Weird Al Yankovic's song "White and Nerdy" because Kluwe has a knack for making white and nerdy look really cool. Congratulations Admiral BigGun!

Track 13

We've talked about songs devoted to hope and change improvement in the Vikings before, but with lucky Track 13, we're focusing specifically on the Vikings' 2012 roster. With the speculation flying about what the Vikings will do in both free agency and the 2012 draft, the fan base has every hope that the teams 3rd overall draft pick will help this team put losing ways behind them and turn a corner--preferably a corner in Minnesota and not in Los Angeles.

In third place is viking68 who submitted "Holding Out for a Hero" by Bonnie Tyler. Let's all hope they find someone strong and fast, but I'm a little iffy about whether or not he should be fresh from the fight.

Second place also goes to viking68 for submitting "Things Can Only Get Better" by Howard Jones. Considering our team had one of the worst records in franchise history, it would be tough for things to get worse.

In what ended up becoming a very 1980s-heavy class of tracks, first place goes to Ryan Aeschliman for submitting "Keeping the Faith" by Billy Joel. It's almost too easy for me to fall into cynicism when it comes to the Vikings, to simply assume they'll be on the bottom of the division so I don't get my hopes dashed. That's why it doesn't hurt to remember "The good ole days weren't always good, and tomorrow ain't as bad as it seems." Congratulations Ryan!

Thanks to everyone who has participated in the Ultimate Misery Mix 2011, your creativity and musical knowledge always amaze me. Also, thanks to my fellow DN writers who have helped me sift through all the entries. I know you guys were getting tired of the emails with lists and lists of songs.

In case you were curious or nostalgic, here's the complete list of all the winning tracks for the UMM2011. Enjoy!


The Vikings and their efforts to get a new stadium have made the news as much as the team's on-field play. The challenge to come up with a song describing our feelings about this was very popular, but Alittlemore_cowbell came through with "Land of Confusion" by Genesis.


Despite the Vikings' record, there were a handful of players who kept us watching the games week in and week out: Jared Allen, Adrian Peterson, and Percy Harvin. While other players struggled with inconsistency, these three played great football and they deserved a song. Thor82 won the challenge with "The Distance" by Cake.


It all started with such optimism when Donovan McNabb signed with the Vikings, but it wasn't very long before optimism was gone and, not much later, so was McNabb. A break-up song seemed to be in order and Christopher Gates came through with "Song for the Dumped" by Ben Folds Five.


The NFL said that the Vikings would qualify for $200 million in loans for a stadium from the G4 fund. While that doesn't exactly guarantee the Vikings the money, it's still good to know that the team qualifies for those funds. So, when viking68 submitted the original theme song to the television show The Jeffersons, it felt like a winner.


Rookie quarterback Christian Ponder expected to spend 2011 learning behind veteran quarterback Donovan McNabb, but when McNabb didn't pan out the way we hoped Ponder was suddenly thrust into the starting line-up. Ponder's experience as a rookie starter had ups and downs, but JWILLIS11 captured the hope we have that, in the near future, it will be more up than down with the song "Shot in the Dark" by Augustana.


This challenge was to guess what the Vikings' future would be in 2012. Tough because it's easy to take a challenge like that to either extreme, but Blakeyf101 found the winning tone with "The Only Way is Up" by Yazz.


How did the Vikings' fans feel about the coaching staff? That was the Track 7 challenge and charlie13 won with "Stuck in the Middle with You" by Stealers Wheel.


During the 2011 season the Vikings were remarkable for all the wrong reasons, like matching their previous worst season record in franchise history and leading the NFL in arrests. And rdcoffey5 won this challenge with "If I Could Turn Back Time" by Cher.


After spending his entire career with the Minnesota Vikings, Jim Kleinsasser retired. Kleinsasser never wanted to play for anyone other than the Vikings, the team that drafted him. That's why Lars in SLP won this challenge with "My Way" by Frank Sinatra.


On New Year's Day 2012 Jared Allen broke the Vikings' single season sack record that was previously held by Chris Doleman. The winning song for that challenge was michiganpat's submission "Boom Boom" covered by Big Head Todd and the Monsters.


In a rare move, there were two winners for this challenge: a song for Vikings' fans looking to drown their sorrows about the team's 3-13 season. Admiral BigGun won with the song "Man of Constant Sorrow" from the movie "O Brother Where Art Thou", and Beserker won with the song "Lord We Get High" by The Fox Hunt.


The challenge was to come up with a song for Vikings punter and geek renaissance man Chris Kluwe. Admiral BigGun delivered with "White and Nerdy" by Weird Al Yankovic.


Ryan Aeschliman won top honors for a song reflecting our hopes for the 2012 Vikings' roster with "Keeping the Faith" by Billy Joel.

Bonus Track

Thor82 made a compelling case for the UMM2011 to have a bonus track. Not only that, but he also suggested a song that was pretty darn perfect. So, capping off UMM2011 is "Start Wearing Purple" by Gogol Bordello.

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