Welcome to UBV's special.
Since everyone has being getting sexually emotional lately about the up-comings and their attachments to DN, I'd like to add my own element to this website with a weekly roundup of something humorous of or concerning the Vikings and other news surrounding us. (No not Moar Fullbacks! Hush it up for I soccer punch you, literally, through the computer. Yes I'm that awesome. Try me. (: ) . Enjoy.
P.S. -Restrictions include Tim Tebow. Have fun!
This week in Viking world, I want to round up the troops and get everyone to fiercely search deep down in toilets, drawers, flash drives, computer hard drives, girlfriend's bra's, the internet, you're cats liter box, ANYWHERE to find some images displaying jokes of the Minnesota Vikings or just short stories. Shortly here I'll be posting some things I've found. No I'm not the legal owners of the images so don't take me down amiller.
Want to show the Vikings winning the Superbowl? Post it in the comments section. I'm pretty sure that's the biggest joke you've ever heard in your life. Want to show the Lions winning a playoff game? Post it below as well. Want to show Jay Cutler not crying? Post it here my friends. Want to show the Aaron Rodgers breast feeding cows? Don't show it here.
Now to the good stuff. Put down your beers, kool-aid, tequila, and your baby's pacifier and get ready for some down-to earth humor. Trolls are welcome. Saint players are not. ENJOY! *Everyone should rate each joke or image with a rec so we can all notice which ones stand out.
Q: How many Vikings does it take to win a SuperBowl?
A: Nobody knows!
Q: What does a wreck car and the Vikings have in common?
A: Neither has a title!!
Q. What do the MN Vikings & Billy Graham have in common?
A. They both can make 40,000 people stand up & yell "Jesus Christ!"
Q. What do you call 53 people sitting around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A. The MN Vikings.
By some guy named Jeff
Have you heard the about the new Vikings cellphone?
Apparently, all it does is vibrate…it has NO RING
By some guy named Thomas from Germany
Q: What are the Vikings doing after they won the Super Bowl?
A: They turn off the PlayStation.
Screw it, If it's your joke claim it.!
Q. How do the Vikings count to 10?
A. 0-1, 0-2, 0-3, 0-4, 0-5, 0-6, 0-7, 0-8, 0-9, 0-10
Q. How do you keep a Viking out of your yard?
A. Put up goal posts!
Q. Where do you go in Minneapolis in case of a tornado?
A. To the Metrodome - there's never a touchdown!
Q. What do you call a Viking with a Super Bowl ring?
A. A thief!
Q. Why doesn't St. Paul have a professional football team?
A. Because then Minneapolis would want one!
Q. What's the difference between the Vikings and a dollar bill?
A. You can still get four quarters out of a dollar!
Q. What do the Vikings and possums have in common?
A. Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
Why can’t the Viking players do the "Lambeau Leap" after a touchdown? ~ Because those empty seats kind of hurt! • What’s the smallest room in the Metrodome? ~ The Minnesota Vikings trophy room! • Wy do Packer fans always invite Viking fans to their parties? ~ Because we always like "whine" with our cheese!
How many Vikings does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they screw in a boat.
Mike Tice's House was Egged
Minneapolis police reported that some individual attempted to "egg"
Mike Tice's house last night.
An empty egg carton was recovered at the scene. Two eggs hit Mr.
Tice's house, 3 eggs went over his house and hit his neighbor's back
2 eggs hit the houses of each of his next door neighbors, and the remaining 3 eggs were found broken on the ground near the carton from where the
individual threw them.
Looking at what was hit, police officials say they are considering
Daunte Culpepper as the primary suspect.
The Packers had taken the field when they noticed a Viking fan standing in front of the tunnel taunting them and hollering a bevy of lurid put downs. After listening to as much as they could take, the entire Packers defensive backfield chased the Viking fan into the tunnel. Five minutes later they came crawling out all bloodied and beaten, followed by the Viking fan who was still hollering. After a few more minutes of this the Packers entire offensive line chased the Vikings fan into the tunnel. After another five minutes had passed they came crawling out looking even worse than the last bunch. They were also followed by the Viking fan who was, by this time, getting even louder. Finally, after listening to the Viking fan as long as he could, Ray Rhodes set his remaining 36 players into the tunnel after the Viking fan. About ten minutes passed and finally, one bloodied Packer came crawling out and hollered to the coach, "It's a trap. There's two of them."
Why Do the Packers have natural grass in their feild? Its for their cheerleaders to graze on.
Three football fans, one a Viking fan one a chiefs fan and one a packers fan were running from the cops. They hid inside potato sacks. The cops were searching to find which one to shoot at when the Packer fan in bag number one "made a barking noise". The second one (the chiefs fan) "made a meow". And the third one (Viking fan) said "potato".
Wildcard playoff ticket... $65.00
Ahman Green replica jersey... $75.00
Round of shots for your pals to celebrate the Packs victory...$45.00
Mocking some shmuck wearing a Vikings hat...priceless!
The Vikings and the Packers had an ice fishing tournament. The first day the Packers caught 100 fish and the Vikings didn't catch any. The second day the Packers caught 200 fish and the Vikings didn't catch any. The third day the Vikings were getting worried so they dressed Randy Moss up like a Packer and sent him with the Packs to see why they were catching so many fish and the Vikings couldn't catch any. That day the Packs caught 300 fish and the Vikings caught none. They said what's the deal Randy, are they cheating or what's going on? Randy said you bet they are, they are drilling holes in the ice!
A Packer fan, a Viking fan, and Pamela Anderson are sitting together in a train traveling through Switzerland when the train enters a tunnel and the car goes completely dark. There's a kissing noise, and then the sound of a really loud slap. When the train comes out of the tunnel, Pamela Anderson and the Packer fan are sitting as if nothing had happened, and the Viking fan is holding his slapped face. The Viking fan is thinking, "That Packer fan must have kissed Pamela Anderson and she swung at him and missed, slapping me instead." Pamela Anderson is thinking, "That Viking fan must have tried to kiss me, accidentally kissed the Packer, and got slapped for it." And the Packer fan is thinking, "This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel, I'll make another kissing noise and slap that Vikings fan again."
One day three football fans got into heaven, a Bucks fan, a Vikings fan and a Packer fan (dont ask how the Viking fan got in). When you get into heaven there are 2 rules. First is respect God, second is don't step on the pink clouds. So one day the Packers fan is walking along and sees the Bucks fan with a super ugly girl, he asks what happened and the Bucks fan replies, "I stepped on a pink cloud and now I am stuck with her, and she is ugly even in Tampa bay standards". Wow, the Green Bay fan thinks, I must be very careful not to step on one of the pink clouds! Later that day he sees the Minnesota fan with a girl, and asks him what happened and before the Minnesota fan can reply the girl blurts out "I stepped on a pink cloud.''
Four guys climb Mount Everest...One guy devoted to the Giants, one guy to the Steelers, one for the Packers and one for the Vikings. So they all make to the top of Everest so the Giants fan says, "For the Giants Super Bowl Champions" and jumps off. The Steeler fan says "For the Steel Curtain" and jumps off. The Vikings Fan says "For the Vikings" and pushes the Packers fan off.
There was a player that played for a lot of teams in his career. He was forced to play with a lot of team because every team he played for beat him up. The NFL tried to do almost everything to protect him until one day they asked him, "Where do you want to play next?" He told them that he wanted to play in Green Bay. They asked him why and he told them: "Well, they don't beat anybody these days."
There's a guy who needs a new car so he went to a car dealership and said,"I need a new car." Then the dealerman said,"We have such a new car that if you say what kind of music you want it comes on." The dealerman said,"Would you like to take it for a spin? The guy said,sure." So he took it for a ride he said,Rock" it came on. Then he said,"Country" it came on. Then on a red light some teenagers came speeding by and then the guy said,"You styupid idiots." Then the Packer game came on!
What's the difference between a dead Viking fan after being hit by a car and a dead Packer fan after being struck by a car? There's skid marks infront of the Viking fan.
I hear Green Bay had to put new sod on their field - too much Moss in the end zone!
A Viking Fan is having breakfast one morning; coffee, croissants, bread, butter & jam when a Packer Fan, chewing gum, sits down next to him.
The Viking Fan ignores the Packer guy who, nevertheless, starts a conversation: Packer Fan: "You Viking folk eat the whole bread??"
Viking Fan (in a bad mood): "Of course."
Packer Fan: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In Wisconsin, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to Minnesota."
The Packer Fan has a smirk on his face. The Viking Fan listens in silence. The Packer Fan persists: "Do you eat jelly with the bread??"
Viking Fan: "Of Course."
Packer Fan: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling). "We don't. In Wisconsin we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to Minnesota."
The Viking Fan then asks: "Do you have sex in Wisconsin?"
Packer Fan: "Why of course we do", he says with a big smirk. Viking Fan: And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"
Packer Fan: "We throw them away, of course."
Viking Fan: "We don't. In Minnesota, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to Wisconsin.
Last but not least, my favorite one!
My 2 Favorite Teams are the Vikings and whoever plays the Packers.
Anyone that you like? Any that you have in mind? Any that you want to create? Share in the comments section. And remember to rec the ones you like the most so they can get the most attention! SKOL!