FanPost

The MN GOP House Leadership Goes To Chipotle

(SCENE: An anonymous Chipotle restaurant in the Twin Cities. The staff busies themselves with the same tasks that they're always doing at Chipotle - grilling four thousand pounds of meat, preparing enormous vats full of rice, and that sort of thing. Up to the counter step Minnesota House of Representatives Speaker Rep. Kurt Zellers, R-Maple Grove, and House Majority Leader Rep. Matt Dean, R-Dellwood.)

CHIPOTLE EMPLOYEE: What can I get for you?

KURT ZELLERS: Well, I'll tell you, I'm just not a fan of burritos.

EMPLOYEE: Uh, I'm sorry? Perhaps you would like tacos, or one of our bowls?

ZELLERS: No, you're not getting this. I want a burrito, but I am not a fan of burritos.

EMPLOYEE: What?

ZELLERS: I don't know how I can make this clearer: I do not want you to make me a chicken burrito. Black beans. Thank you.

EMPLOYEE: Uh... so you want a chicken burrito?

ZELLERS: NO! Jeez, do I have to spell everything out for you? I want you to make me exactly what I don't want. Is that clear?

EMPLOYEE: Frankly, no.

MATT DEAN: Ma'am, let me explain. The Speaker wants a burrito for lunch, but the Governor also likes burritos. And so we can't have it getting around that the Speaker wants a burrito too.

EMPLOYEE: Why not? That makes no sense. Can't you both like burritos?

DEAN (agitated): Listen, we didn't come to St. Paul to eat the same lunch the Governor eats!

ZELLERS: Actually, Matt, you used to run a restaurant, right? What do you think I should have for lunch?

DEAN: I think you should get a cheeseburger. Nothing better than a cheeseburger for lunch.

EMPLOYEE: We don't sell cheeseburgers. We sell burritos.

ZELLERS: HOW DARE YOU. MATT DEAN USED TO DO THIS FOR A LIVING. I DEMAND THAT YOU BEGIN SELLING CHEESEBURGERS IMMEDIATELY. I AM INTRODUCING A BILL TO REQUIRE ALL BURRITO RESTAURANTS TO SELL CHEESEBURGERS.

EMPLOYEE: You want a cheeseburger from a burrito restaurant?

ZELLERS: Matt Dead used to be a restauranteur, madam. That means that he's an expert in all foodstuff production of any kind, and MATT DEAN SAYS YOU NEED TO SELL ME A CHEESEBURGER.

DEAN: Unless the Governor likes cheeseburgers. Then you can't sell them ever.

EMPLOYEE: I'm going to have to ask you guys to leave.

ZELLERS: Yeah, we hear that a lot nowadays.

This FanPost was created by a registered user of The Daily Norseman, and does not necessarily reflect the views of the staff of the site. However, since this is a <em>community</em>, that view is no less important.

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