Adrian Peterson. He has a better body than you.
It’s hard to deny that for the Minnesota Vikings, the past few seasons have featured two true marquee players- Adrian Peterson and Jared Allen. Sure, there are a few other stars, like Percy Harvin, Chad Greenway, Antoine Winfield… but it’s hard to have anyone top those two.
Of course, we also are entering this upcoming season with one of those marquee players having a question mark attached. We’re all following AP’s progress on pins and needles, wondering not only when he’ll be ready to take the field, but also when he will have fully returned to his old self (or if he will return to his old self… which I think is an absolute, but I know some of you might disagree).
Well, that other marquee player is certain AP will be ready to go… and is also certain he’s jealous of his body. MAN CRUSH!
"That dude, I was just watching him run at minicamp, and that dude has got muscles on top of muscles, and he eats like two quarts of Cold Stone a day. I have one bite of pizza and I put 13 pounds on. It’s just ridiculous. This guy’s got 2 percent body fat, shredded. I’m leaving my shirt on at the pool. It sucks."
Poor Jared Allen. I can completely relate. I mean, I’m sure he and I have the EXACT same physique. But in a somewhat more serious (I mean, come on… it’s Allen speaking, it’s never going to be 100% serious) comment regarding AP’s likelihood of a full recovery:
"I don’t think it’s going to be hard at all. He is a man-child. He is a manimal."
A MANIMAL! Which, hopefully, doesn’t indicate that Jared Allen is growing an urge to hunt him with a bowie knife between his teeth…