The God father interviewed Rick Spielman for his Strib column, and there was some earth shattering news made:
The GM likes the guys he picked in the draft. In other news, Nicki Manaj can't sing or dress in anything other than Lady Gaga's Goodwill pile, tape delayed Olympic coverage never works, and the Green Bay Packers suck.
Look, I like Rick Spielman. He's done a pretty good job considering he wasn't the bona fide GM until this year, and in his first draft that he was ultimately responsible for, I don't have a lot of complaints with what the Vikings did. And I have mad respect for Sid Hartman. The guy is in his 90's, working the Minneapolis sports beat with guys that are 1/3 his age. And he uses a tape recorder with a microphone that looks like it came straight from the Smithsonian via the Watergate hearings. Bad. Ass.
But these answers are so canned, and so predictable, that it's time we had some fun with it. Let's break this down after the jump, and translate some Rickspeak, because we haven't done it in awhile.
Rick, what are your thoughts on Christian Ponder?
"We watched the development of Ponder to see where he's at now and where he was a year ago. I thought that was an encouraging sign."
Translation: He needs to get better fast, or I'm out of a job.
"On special teams I was very excited about our young kicker [rookie Blair Walsh, who converted field-goal attempts of 26 and 39 yards] and what he was able to do in those tough, windy conditions at Candlestick."
Translation: My sack is really on the chopping block with this one. If kid pans out, I'm a freakin' genius, so you bet your ass I'm talking up his first pre-season game. Because if Junior Bulldog clangs extra points off the upright, I'm out of a job.
Mr. Spielman, Mr. Spielman, please elaborate on the two first round picks, LT Matt Kalil and S Harrison Smith:
Spielman said he thought Kalil was a little nervous the first two plays but settled down after that. He believes Kalil has the chance to be a unique left tackle in the NFL. Spielman also felt the Vikings' other first-round choice -- safety Harrison Smith -- performed well when he got the opportunity.
Translation: Les, my nuts are in a vice here. I think we're on the same page about Kalil, but dude, PLAY SMITH! Even everyone on the Daily Norseman thinks you should do it. Oh, if these guys don't pan out, the only GM gig I'm getting might be in the Arena League.
Rick, how's the 2011 train wreck known as the offensive line working out?
"I feel very good about the young offensive line and some of the parts that we put in place," Spielman said. "Just like anything, the more they play together, the more they'll continue to grow and get better."
Translation: We're so screwed if they suck again this year. So. Screwed.
Yeah, I'm fully aware that Spielman is obligated to say these things, and I think as a fanbase we'd piss ourselves into a frothy panic if he came out and said "you know, this draft class pretty much sucks. Christian Ponder is terrible, and I don't see us winning more than two games."
So don't take this as bashing Spielman or what he says, just take it as some mindless fun. Because that's all it is.