Stock Market Report, Week 2: Well, That Was A Kick In The Junk

Any time I have an opportunity to post a picture of a helicopter, you had best believe I'm going to do so.

Well, let's get some positive momentum going in this column. If we can get a couple of strong sentences put together to start off, then maybe we can....

TWEEEEEEEEEET!

/click/

PERSONAL FOUL, DEFENSE. HIT A DEFENSELESS DANGLING PARTICIPLE. 15 YARDS, STILL FIRST DOWN.

/click/

Well damn. Okay, 1st and 25. Let's just put a couple of sentences together and see what we get. A well placed pronoun here, a breakaway adverb there, and we're in business. There were a lot of good things to take away from today's disappointing loss, but at the end of the day, the Viki...

TWEEEEEEEEEEET!

/click/

PERSONAL FOUL, DEFENSE. RUNNING INTO THE EDITOR. 15 YARDS, RESULT OF THE PENALTY IS A FIRST DOWN FOR THE OFFENSE.

/click/

DAMN IT. How can you expect me to write a good story when I keep getting these stupid penalties?

TWEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!!

/click/

WHINING, OFFENSE. 10 YARD PENALTY, LOSS OF DOWN.

/click/

Man, everything coming from the refs radios all day was a bunch of ga ga. Radio..Gaga.


This performance at Live Aid was probably the best 20 minutes any band ever did at any concert. Ever.

All we hear is Radio ga ga
Radio goo goo
Radio ga ga
All we hear is Radio ga ga
Radio blah blah
Radio what's new?
Radio, someone still loves you!

SMR, after the jump.

Blue Chip Stocks:

Percy Harvin, WR/KR: I shudder to think how bad the Vikings would've gotten their ass kicked had Harvin not played today. There was Percy Harvin, and not much else for most of the game. He caught passes, returned kicks, and was pretty much the only receiving threat the Vikings fielded. Absolutely a command performance for Harvin, who put this team on his shoulders and got them back into the game.

Solid Investments:

Blair Walsh, K: Walsh went 2-2 again, and hasn't missed a FG all year. He also hit on one from 51 yards that gave the Vikes and early lead. His kickoffs aren't so much kicked as they are launched into low earth orbit, like a satellite. And since he went to Georgia, is it appropriate to nickname him the Georgia Satellite? I think it is.

Junk Bonds:

Pretty Much The Whole Defense: Third down percentage was terrible. The secondary gave up big play after big play on Indy's final drive. Two terrible penalties kept the initial second half drive alive for the Colts that lead to a FG. There were two times that there were interceptions there for the taking, and one would've been a pick six by Chris Cook. For every good thing they did, there were two bad things that nullified it. Just an awful day all the way around.

Buy/Sell:

Buy: Christian Ponder's 4th Quarter Comeback Ability. There's something cool about a guy that can bring a team back from two scores down and tie the game late. Yeah, there was a little luck involved, but still, hat tip to the young kid for not giving up and putting the Vikings in position to win the game. Those last two drives were impressive, and absolutely big time and clutch.

Sell: Whatever The Hell It Was Christian Ponder Was Doing From Mid First Quarter Through Mid Fourth Quarter. The reason he needed to lead such a furious comeback was because the Vikings did absolutely nothing offensively outside throws to Harvin fro most of the afternoon. Ponder looked like he was playing to not make a mistake. There's something to be said for that, but take some shots downfield. THe Vikes didn't go deep until well into the game, and then only because they had to because they were down so much.

Buy: Stephen Burton's Offensive Rebound/Touchdown. Sometimes, it's better to be lucky than good, and Burton was in the right place at the right time. That was a HUGE play that really swung momentum back to the Vikings, got them within a score, and really energized the whole team.

Sell: The Secondary's Inability To Intercept A Pass. There were two or three times I thought the Vikings dropped a gift interception, and one could have been a game changer. Chris Cook and Antoine Winfield collided going for the ball, and had either of them gotten the pick it would've been a pick six. The inability of the defense to get a turnover is so frustrating, I can't even put it into words.

Buy: Percy Harvin Returning A Kickoff, No Matter How Deep It Is. I thought Harvin was going to break a kickoff return all the way at least twice today, and he almost did once. I don't care how deep he fields it in the end zone, run it out.

Sell: No One Else Running It Out More Than Two Yards Deep. Ever. Marcus Sherels tried to be Percy Harvin, and brought a kick out from 7 or 8 yards deep. Result? Didn't make it to the 20.

Buy: The Fact That Adrian Peterson Is At 100%. He seemed to get at least 4 yards every time he touched the ball, and on the rare occasion the Vikings didn't get penalized on the play, he continually put the offense in favorable down and distance situations.

Sell: Speaking Of Penalties, What The Hell? Seriously, What The Hell?? The sign of mediocre or bad teams is undisciplined, stupid penalties at the most inopportune of times. From Phil Loadholt, to Matt Kalil, to Jared Allen, and Everson Griffen on the STUPID roughing the kicker, the Vikes had me about throwing my beer at the TV all afternoon. The holding penalty on Loadholt was ticky tack, but everything else was legitimate. Maddening.

Buy: The First Two And Last Two Offensive Drives. They were efficient, did a great job mixing the pass and the run, and were able to put points on the board.

Sell: Every Other Offensive Drive: I sort of touched on it with Ponder, but it wasn't all on him. Bad penalties to negate good plays, blocking breakdowns, receivers dropping balls, a Ponder fumble and turnover...it was just bad.

Buy: Everson Griffen's 22 Yard Sack. That play was HUGE, and one of the few bright spots for the defense. The VIkes had just scored, they needed a stop, and they also needed good field position to give the Vikings a chance to score and tie the game. Griffen dialed it up and checked all of those boxes.

Sell: An Inability To Get To Luck For The Rest Of The Game. The Colts had an offensive line constructed of bailing wire, duct tape, and fourth grade school paste. How could the Vikings not pummel Luck with an offensive line that had more backups than starters actually starting and that lost their starting center midway through the game? That was terrible.

(Edit) Don Glover Quote Of The Week:

Sorry I didn't put this in here originally. So, the setting. It's halftime, and of course the Vikings hadn't done anything for most of 30 minutes.

Dad: "Well son, what do you think Frazier is going to tell the team at halftime?"

Me: "I don't know, but he needs to say something."

And as the dumpster fire of penalties, bad play, and defensive breakdowns lead to an opening drive field goal for the Colts in the third quarter, my Dad turns to me and says:

"Apparently, he didn't tell them a goddamn thing."

No Dad, he didn't.

This was a tough loss for the Vikings, no doubt. Looking at the schedule, this was a game I thought the VIkings had a really good chance to win, and they let it get away. It's not going to be any easier, as Randy Moss and the San Francisco 49ers come to town.

Can the Vikes beat the 49ers? It'll be tough, but no one thought that the Cardinals would march in to Foxboro and beat the Patriots. In the NFL, anything can happen, but they'll need to play a complete, 60 minute game to do so.

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