It is day 2 of our rousing examination of who we as fans expect will be most likely to crush the hopes of the poor unwashed masses that are even now planning their team themed Superbowl parties due to the sheer brilliance of free agency moves. As we know as Vikings fans: don't get your hopes up, your team certainly can find new and interesting ways to crap the bed and leave you cast aside and crying like a scorned prom date.
Today we will look on the teams in the south divisions of the NFC and AFC, combined to allow for a greater range of options. This will all culminate into some grand final four style matchup of the most favored potential screw ups in the league. To weigh in on the day one options in the northern divisions, clicky clicky. Without further aside, here is my examination of those southern belles home of J.J. Watt's swatting hands, a group of cheating bounty hunting ruffians and Shad Khan's tremendous and impressive mustache!
HOUSTON TEXANS - Despite my Viking roots, I picked the Texans to win the Superbowl before last season. Damn you Tom Brady. Otherwise, DE J.J. Watt has nearly revolutionized the position and Andre Johnson remains an ageless wonder in the Antonine Winfield mold. The loss of Glover Quinn from the secondary doesn't seem to me to make a huge difference and Matt Schaub still concerns the hell out of me.
INDIANAPOLIS COLTS - Well, it turns out that Andrew Luck was not the messiah last year, but they made a big improvement in both statistics as well as wins. A team on the rebound and looking to get better and younger. The big name of Matt Hasslebeck as a backup QB in free agency as well as agreeing to pay big money to a former J-E-T-S secondary member LaRon Landry has left me scratching my head.
JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS - After a "disappointing" season, the Jaguars have really not done much of anything worth noting aside from signing wideout Mohamed Massaquoi to a deal. Because that was the problem I guess... Oh, they also cleared the air regarding their desire to continue avoiding selling tickets to games by not signing Tim Tebow. But that owner does have one helluva fine mustache!
TENNESSEE TITANS - Chris Johnson claimed he was going to rush for more yards than who? Than Adrian Peterson?!?!? BWAHAHAHAHA!!! At least they got a decent signing with guard Andy Levitre. Though I think it was dumb to release Matt Hasselbeck as a vote of confidence in Jake Locker.
ATLANTA FALCONS - I live in the old A-T-L and I love how the Falcons fans come out of the woodwork provided A: the team is posting a winning record and B: it is nearing December and they don't have a lot of time to screw it up. If both conditions are met, break out the t-shirts and bumper stickers. If not, wait for baseball season and follow similar procedure for the Braves. The Falcons cut the gigantic legs from under Michael Turner and acquired Steven Jackson in a good move. I also like the move from aging John Abraham for Osi Umenyiora to a shortish contract. Atlanta looks like they are trying to go all in for the short run. Will it pay out?
CAROLINA PANTHERS - I love Cam Newton for his sadness and outbursts, much like the love angry Jay Cutler. The Panthers had a down year with a sophomore slump at QB and have been fairly quiet throughout free agency, predominantly resigning their in house people. Which begs the question, if you don't need new people, why did you do poorly last year? Perhaps their new GM is hoping the draft will fix everything.
NEW ORLEANS SAINTS* - Saints* fans have put their brown bags temporarily back into storage with the news of the return of stigmatized coach Sean Payton. Defensively, they were a raging inferno of a dumpster fire last season and have a big job ahead to fix it. It's a big job and new defensive coordinator Rob Ryan is a big man. Maybe the defense can just start putting people out of games or something...
TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS - The biggest news of the year is that the Bucs may or may not acquire Darrell Revis if the 3 ring circus in green can come to a decision. Josh Freeman's play was inconsistent last season. The fact that they have a running back with the moniker "Muscle Hamster" is undeniable though.
Remember when casting your vote that this based purely on the odds that the hopes of a fan base for a given team will be dashed to shreds. Simply because the Eagles were 4-12 last season does not mean they can't be a disappointment this season due to the sweeping changes implemented to try to stop the bleeding.