Sajama, Bolivia (CPI) - Fallout from the forced resignation of former Minnesota Governor Mark Dayton continued today.
Speaking with Star Tribune columnist Sid Hartman last month on August 26th, Hartman asked if the Vikings "could be moved if the stadium deal were to blow up because of the Wilfs’ legal issues?" Dayton offhandedly remarked "If the Vikings move, I'll probably have to move to Bolivia or Argentina or something."
With the realization that there was a path forward to life without Dayton in Minnesota politics, a new committee of citizens and politicians, "Citizens Revolt Against Progress" was organized to pursue the goal of forcing the Minnesota Vikings out of the state so Dayton could be held to his promise. The new group was immediately challenged in their efforts by a pro-Vikings group, "People Offended by Offended People", but P.O.O.P ultimately lost out in it's battle against C.R.A.P.
Spokesman Seth Olafdsun said C.R.A.P. had a running start, and P.O.O.P. was never able to staunch their flow of support. "It wasn't about the stadium, " Olafdsun said. "Even many of our opponents were in favor of that, but the opportunity to ship Dayton off to South America was too good an offer to resist."
In Los Angeles, new mayor Eric Garcetti, buoyed by his success at wooing the Vikings to L.A. hinted that the city was not through raiding Minnesota's cultural icons. "I really like that spoon and cherry thing. We've already constructed a drive-in restaurant next to our world famous giant donut landmark, just waiting for a corporate tenant to move in. We've made overtures to Dairy Queen, and if they bring the sculpture as a bonus, we think it's a done deal. But they [Minnesota] can keep the Guthrie."
Garcetti told supporters he sees the Viking's imminent relocation to the City of Angels as having a double benefit. "Everyone's been very concerned here about the loss of the porn industry to surrounding counties. By regaining an NFL franchise, L.A. now can boast of football, and sex scandals at the same time. It'll be just like the 80's all over again, but with much smaller cell phones, and no bell bottoms."
Referencing the Minnesota Vikings storied history, Garcetti added "Don't think we didn't follow all that Love Boat stuff. We were jealous, and vowed we'd not let any other city capitilize on our image. The Vikings organization's experience at this was one of the things that really fired our imagination to the possibilities. We're back baby!"
Contacted at his alpaca ranch in Sajama, Bolivia by CPI World News Dayton said he never expected anyone to take his comments seriously. "Hell, I didn't even think Sid would remember what I said, much less that anyone read his columns anymore. Who knew that antique 1940's tape recorder even worked?"
Is the former governor happy with his new life tending animals in the Andes? "Well, it's actually something that comes naturally. Chasing these f*&^ing animals around is a lot like trying to herd representatives around the capitol, or chasing down lobbyists for a donation."