FanPost

REPORT: MTV To Make Made-For-TV Movie About the 2013 Minnesota Vikings

The news broke just this morning, folks, and it's already gotten alot of fans throughout Vikings country stoked beyond comprehension. The suits at MTV have apparently decided that they're going to make a made-for-TV movie detailing the 2013 Minnesota Vikings season. I realize you're all probably just as ecstatic as I am over this news, so I decided to go ahead and do some digging to scrape together as many details about the upcoming film as I possibly could.

First off, you're probably asking yourself, "Why would MTV want to make a movie about an NFL team that went 5-10-1 during the regular season?". Well, that may seem like a legitimate question on the surface, but it's actually really, really freakin' stupid once you think about it.

I've got two words for you.....QUARTERBACK CLUSTERFUCK

They're very entertaining, people. You can't deny this.

This year though, the Vikings somehow managed to completely redefine the meaning of that phrase. They took the traditional (yet still somewhat classy) dual quarterback controversy, and they kicked it into full gear on the slut meter by bringing in Josh Freeman before Ponder and Cassel were even able to get their clothes back on. Hey Rick? How about a courtesy reach-around before you go sneaking around with other QBs?

To sum up how things went after Freeman joined the party (orgy), I think the following visual wraps it up quite nicely....

Imagine Ponder, Cassel, and Freeman are all taking turns jerking each other off in the team shower room, and Frazier's standing there in the corner with a video camera. Frazier then goes back to "review the tape" later that week, and whichever QB got the other 2 off the most is declared the winner for that week.

That's the Josh Freeman experiment in a nutshell, and apparently Freeman has really limp wrists.

So when you take all of this into consideration, you can't blame MTV for wanting to pounce on this story as quickly as possible. It isn't a story about a football team. It's a tragic love story about a team's unconscionable lust for mediocre quarterbacks (and lots of them).

So now that you all know why this movie is being made, I thought I'd go ahead and provide a sneak peak of the cast list. I don't know about you, but I think they made some really excellent choices.

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Vikings' star running back Adrian Peterson.....

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is going to be played by Donald Faison from Scrubs

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Defensive tackle Kevin Williams....

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is going to be played by comedian Anthony Anderson

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Quarterback Christian Ponder....

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is going to be played by actor Sylvester Stallone

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Right tackle Phil Loadholt....

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is going to be played by talk show host Whoopi Goldberg

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Wide receiver Greg Jennings....

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is going to be played by actor and comedian Jamie Foxx

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Tight end Kyle Rudolph....

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is going to be played by Prince Harry of England

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Offensive coordinator Bill Musgrave....

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is going to be played by Star Wars character Boss Nass

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Defensive end Jared Allen....

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is going to be played by Kenny Powers from Eastbound and Down

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Quarterback Josh Freeman....

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will be played by actor Sendhil Ramamurthy from Heroes

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Safety Harrison Smith....

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will be played by actor Channing Tatum

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Quarterback Matt Cassel....

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is going to be played by Woody from Toy Story

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Wide receiver Cordarrelle Patterson.....

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is going to be played by the MOTHER F*CKING PREDATOR

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General manager Rick Spielman.....

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is going to be played by Bill Lumbergh from Office Space

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Head coach Leslie Frazier....

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is going to be played by a broken record

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And finally, cornerback Chris Cook....

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is going to be played by a can of WD-40

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This FanPost was created by a registered user of The Daily Norseman, and does not necessarily reflect the views of the staff of the site. However, since this is a <em>community</em>, that view is no less important.

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