Adrian Peterson vs RoboCop: The Tale Of The Tape

Benny Sieu-USA TODAY Sports

Over the years here at The Daily Norseman, we have often remarked about how running back Adrian Peterson is not, in fact, a human being. Rather, it's entirely possible that he is a cyborg, a fusion of man and machine capable of things that normal human beings simply cannot fathom. And such things are not entirely without merit. . .he reached the 10,000-yard career rushing mark this past season, doing so faster than all but two players in National Football League history.

While we can't necessarily prove that Peterson is really a fusion of man and machine, we know of one such hybrid for sure. That is the man formerly known as Alex James Murphy, who was transformed by the Security Division of Omni Consumer Products into the OCP-1. . .but you may know him as RoboCop.

Yes, these two men are capable of things that many in their professions are not. How do they stack up against each other? Well, here's the highly unofficial and largely subjective "Tale of the Tape."

Adrian Peterson RoboCop
Adrian Lewis Peterson Real Name Alex James Murphy
All Day Nickname OCP-1
6'1" Height 6'
220 pounds (without armor) Weight 300 pounds (with armor)
Plastic helmet
Shoulder pads
Miscellaneous other pads
Armor Titanium laminated with kevlar
Blazing speed
Outstanding stiff-arm
Overcoming terrible quarterback play
Strengths Carries a small arsenal
Vision with internal zoom capability
Has a jetpack that allows him to fly
Requires occasional surgery Weaknesses Requires occasional maintenance
Able to crush every bone in the human hand Handshake Able to crush every bone in the human hand
Rushing for 2,097 yards after knee surgery Greatest Comeback Was actually legally deceased
"An orange peanut? For me?" Memorable Quote "Your move, creep."

Adrian Peterson has already accomplished a lot in the National Football League. . .the single-game rushing record, a league Most Valuable Player Award, the most rushing touchdowns in Minnesota Vikings' history. Just think of what the man could accomplish if we could get him in the lab and make it so that he could play forever!

Then again, he's doing just fine as he is so far, I think.

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