FanPost

An Optimist's Guide to the 2014-2015 Season

mnsportslife.com

The day to day life of a Minnesota Vikings fan is not easy, folks. Our favorite team somehow always seems to break our hearts every single year and leave us crying ourselves to sleep every sunday. Meanwhile, our hated rivals to the east, the Green Bay Packers, (as much as I hate to admit it) have been blessed with a superstar quarterback named Aaron Rodgers. The Minnesota Vikings have taken a different approach; instead of investing in quality quarterbacks, went for a more Dr. Frankenstein approach and attempted to create some kind of three-headed monster out of Matt Cassel, Christian Ponder, and Josh Freeman. However, the experiment backfired and unleashed a turnover producing machine upon the NFL world with the sole purpose to wreak havoc on the remaining shreds of hope that Vikings fans have somehow clung to for all these years. I am not here to beat a dead horse and complain about the horrendous situation we find ourselves in as Vikings fans; quite the contrary. I am here to proclaim to the world that the Minnesota Vikings are the single greatest franchise in the history of the universe. Below you will be given a glimpse into the future of Minnesota Vikings football. Prepare yourselves, it may be a little overwhelming. (keep in mind these are not actual predictions, more of the best case scenario a die hard ‘Sota fan could think of)

An Optimist’s Guide to te 2014-2015 Season

The vikings will emerge from the NFC North’s cellar and take the NFL by storm week 1. A roster oozing with potential quickly cuts ties with veteran journey man Matt Cassel upon realizing that he may in fact be the lamest human being on the face of the planet. This opens up the floodgates for first-round pick Teddy Bridgewater to take the reigns and begin what promises to be the single greatest career of any athlete ever.

The Vikings show up to their first game in St. Louis as one of the biggest long shots in the league to make a playoff push. Greg "the leg" Zuerlein boots the opening kickoff to emerging superstar, Cordarrelle Patterson who leaves everyone in his dust on his way to an NFL record-tying 109 yard kickoff. Is this a sign of things to come? This has happened two times in recent memory for Vikings fans, so they continue to be understandably skeptical. However, Mr. Bridgewater an Co. put on a memorable performance to the tune of 7 offensive touchdowns while our shutdown defense puts up a shutout. Jeff Fischer throws an especially crabby temper tantrum during the post-game interview.

Although I could delve into each and every glorious game of this remarkable season, I think it is better to just show the highlights through the first 9 games:
Teddy Bridgewater- 33 touchdown passes and no interceptions (and a few field goals just for kicks)…pun intended
Cordarrelle Patterson- 8 rushing touchdowns, 13 receiving touchdowns and 1,100 yards
Adrian Peterson- 1,000,000 rushing yards (give or take)

Teddy Bridgewater has taken the league by storm and has thrown an unprecedented 33 touchdown passes in only 9 games. Quite simply, the Minnesota Vikings have been putting on a clinic at a record shattering pace. In the distance, a weeping Jim Schwartz can be heard uncontrollably sobbing into his pillow while being comforted by Mathew Stafford’s love handles.

Unfortunately, the Vikings hit a serious roadblock in the bye week. Teddy Bridgewater has an injured hamstring and won’t be available until the postseason. Not to fear, the vikings have a strapping young man that has been performing admirably on clipboard detail and eagerly waiting his chance to once again working his magic on the gridiron. I am talking of course, about a certain Mr. Christian Ponder, savior of the Minnesota Vikings’ season. At his first press conference, he unveils his diabolically genius plan to fool the NFL world into thinking that he was a poor quarterback, in order to fool defenses into letting their guard down. Taking a page out of "the Princess Bride," he jumps out of his seat and exclaims, "I am not right-handed!" And rips a perfect spiral into the nose of a skeptical reporter from Chicago. Samantha Ponder along with the bulldozer of a man, Phil Loadholt are then forced to fend off the unrelenting sea of impressionable young women who have suddenly taken notice of Ponder’s incredibly defined jawline and skills as a QB.

In his first start, CP7 inexplicably throws 9 touchdowns on only 8 attempts, simply remarkable. He helps the norsemen breeze to a perfect 16-0 record and eventually a Super Bowl berth.

Prior to a matchup between the surprising Minnesota Vikings and the Denver Broncos, ESPN analysts are left to debate who they would rather have under center in the biggest game in sports; Peyton Manning, Jason Street, or Christian Ponder. Ponder of course comes through as the overwhelming favorite.

After finally bringing a Super Bowl to the arctic tundra, Minnesota fans have completely forgotten about the days when they were just begging for Leslie Frazier to yank Ponder from the lineup and are eagerly awaiting next year’s super bowl parade. In summary, the Minnesota Vikings will put up the single greatest season in sports history and leave everyone else in their wake while sucking their thumbs wondering, "how in the hell did that just happen??"

More realistically, the Vikings end up getting our hopes up and once again and finish the season 8-8, just good enough to not get a good draft pick, not good enough to make the playoffs. Let’s pray that my first prediction is the right one.

Lots more articles like this at mnsportslife.com



This FanPost was created by a registered user of The Daily Norseman, and does not necessarily reflect the views of the staff of the site. However, since this is a community, that view is no less important.