FanPost

Week by Week Breakdown of the Rest of the Vikings Season

These predictions are 100% guaranteed to happen.

Week 4: Falcons. Harrison Smith returns an interception for a touchdown. During the celebration, he uses the ball as a prop drawing a flag. The flag makes its way into his face mask and hits Smith in the eye. He’s out for the season. Vikings lose in OT, 24-27.

Week 5: Packers. After a poor showing from the receiving corps, the Vikings decide to give Jerome Simpson ONE more chance and sign him to a 4-year deal. He is caught trying to get high by mixing weed into some Icy Hot and rubbing it onto his neck. Vikings release him again. Vikings win 19-13.

Week 6: Lions. No off-the-field incidents. Ndamukong Suh sacks Teddy Bridgewater on the first play from scrimmage and celebrates by kicking Teddy repeatedly while he’s on the ground. Teddy goes 36-38 for 380 yards and 3 TDs. Vikings win 35-10.

Week 7: Bills. During the flight to Buffalo, the flight must make an emergency landing in Lake Erie. The Vikings all climb to the top of the plane, and paddle the plane to shore like a longship. All the players are exhausted for the game. Vikings lose 18-24.

Week 8: Buccaneers. Anthony Barr is called a hero when he saves a man from a river. Unfortunately, the man turns out to be a Nazi sympathizer and ruins any goodwill the Vikings would have gotten from the story. Vikings win 64-6. Leslie Frazier says he’ll look at the tape and make some adjustments.

Week 9: Redskins. Mike Zimmer gets in hot water when he refers to the team from Washington D.C. by what their name is. Roger Goodell suspends him for 6 games for racial insensitivity. When asked why ONLY Mike Zimmer has been punished this way, Goodell responds with a cough and a wave. Vikings lose 17-26.

Week 10: Bye Week. Chad Greenway is involved in a bear hunting accident, where he is mauled causing him to lose an arm. After killing the bear with his other hand he is rushed to the hospital with his arm on ice. The hospital makes a mistake and attaches the bear arm to his shoulder. Greenway decides to keep it.

Week 11: Bears. After giving up 8 sacks to Jared Allen, Matt Kalil quits football forever. He moves to California to open a chain of burger shops. All the entrances have swinging saloon doors. Vikings lose 28-34.

Week 12: Packers. Brett Favre is in attendance to throw out the ceremonial first interception. Afterwards he flexes at midfield for 17 straight minutes. Vikings win 30-24.

Week 13: Panthers. In a move reminiscent of Bud Grant, Mike Zimmer bans all heaters from the sidelines during games. Blair Walsh gets frostbite and needs two toes removed on his kicking foot. Bridgewater leads dramatic last minute drive. Vikings win 31-28.

Week 14: Jets. Everson Griffen is arrested for trying to squish pennies on a railroad track. Roger Goodell suspends him for 3 years. Linval Joseph is shot in the other leg when visiting a night club. Brian Robison is under fire for posing in an adult women’s magazine. Sharrif Floyd tests positive for PEDs after trying an experimental toothpaste. Vikings lose 12-14.

Week 15: Lions. Captain Munnerlyn gives up game-winning touchdown to Megatron, is demoted to 1st Lieutenant Munnerlyn. Vikings Lose 30-24.

Week 16: Dolphins. Norv Turner falls asleep in the booth midway through the third quarter. Teddy Bridgewater calls the plays for the rest of the game. He throws 72-80 for 563 yards and 6 touchdowns. Vikings win 48-30.

Week 17: Bears. The entire team gets food poisoning the night before the game due to some tainted polish sausage. Mike Zimmer returns to the sidelines and the Vikings defense stifles the Bears. Vikings win 18-3.

Vikings finish the season 8-8 and miss the playoffs. During the offseason, the stadium is destroyed by a tornado, pushing back the opening another 2 years. Ziggy Wilf is indicted on insider trading charges. Norv Turner leaves to accept a head coaching job in Oakland. The entire team is suspended for the first two games of the next year because Roger Goodell doesn’t like the font of the numbers on the Vikings’ jerseys. Vikings trade for 3 first round picks, get a tackle, running back, and linebacker. ESPN predicts 2 wins for next year, and Fran Tarkenton claims he could still start in the NFL.

This FanPost was created by a registered user of The Daily Norseman, and does not necessarily reflect the views of the staff of the site. However, since this is a community, that view is no less important.