Believe me. . .you have absolutely, positively no idea how much it hurt me to type that title.

So there we all were yesterday. . .and thanks, by the by, to everyone that participated in the game thread. . .watching the Beloved Purple battling tooth and nail with the Detroit Lions.  After a Detroit punt had Minnesota set up with 1st and 10 from their own 14-yard line, the Vikings came out in a four-wide receiver, no back formation with Gus Frerotte lined up in the shotgun.  Frerotte zipped a pass to his right to Bernard Berrian about seven yards down the field. . .and #87 proceeded to do the rest on his way to an 86-yard touchdown and the second-longest pass play in Vikings' history.

What happened after that is something that has been a bone of contention among folks in the comments here on the site.

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"Sometimes when you win, you really lose, and sometimes when you lose, you really win, and sometimes when you win or lose, you actually tie, and sometimes when you tie, you actually win or lose. Winning or losing is all one organic mechanism, from which one extracts what one needs."
-Gloria Clemente (Rosie Perez), White Men Can't Jump

I'll admit that after watching today's game between the Vikings and the Detroit Lions, my immediate reaction was a bit of embarassment. . .almost guilt. . .over the fact that the Vikings, for the second week in a row, had "won ugly."  I even went so far as to go visit our friends at Pride of Detroit to tell them that they had gotten screwed over and probably deserved to win today's game.  Don't get me wrong. . .statistically, the Vikings were the superior team.  But, for some reason, it just didn't feel right to me that the Vikings came out on top this afternoon.

At first.

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I had the good fortune to exchange five questions with Sean, the head guy over at SBNation's outstanding Lions' blog, Pride of Detroit.  I just sent my answers to Sean's questions over to him, and I'm sure they'll be up there at some point during the course of the day.  I got Sean's answers to my questions last night, and here they are.

I wouldn't necessarily say he has quit on the team, but he is letting his frustration get the best of him.  Roy has been unhappy all season long because of how poorly he and the Lions have played.  His frustrations finally boiled over in the second half against Chicago when Dan Orlovsky took over as the starting QB (Jon Kitna left with an injury).  Orlovsky had trouble hitting his targets, and when Roy was the target and passes inaccurately sailed by, he threw his arms up in disgust each and every time.  Once he even stormed over to the sidelines and ripped off his gloves and threw them.  I was certainly upset with his antics, though I understand why he is angry.  However, maybe Roy Williams should catch the passes that are thrown to him before he complains.  After all, he had four drops against Chicago and has had at least a couple in every game this season.  He needs to worry about his own play before he starts ripping on others.

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Well, in the last 24 hours or so, we've learned that we've got a spineless moron for a head coach.  Actually, we covered spineless yesterday, and at today's press conference, we got the moron part covered, too.  When asked at his press conference today why he chose to punt the ball away on 4th and 13 with no time outs and about 2:30 left on the clock, Brad Childress gave the following answer, verbatim:

"Based on the way we were playing defense, I thought we’d have a chance to get it back."

What. . .in the blue hell. . .are you talking about?  You thought you were going to get the ball back?  How?  Did you think that the Titans were going to fumble the ball DURING THE KNEELDOWN!?  Good lord, just because a team coached by you is capable of something that stupid doesn't mean that a team with even an iota of discipline is capable of the same thing.

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 Alrighty, since I didn't get this taken care of last week, here's this week's installment of Five Good Questions with Jimmy from Music City Miracles, SBNation's Tennessee Titans blog.

1)  The big story coming out of Titan-land over the past couple of weeks has been the saga of Vince Young.  With VY having issues other than the physical, can you speculate on what you see for Young's future with the franchise?

I have no idea how it will all play out.  It is all up to Vince at this point.  He has to develop the mental toughness that allows him to handle criticism and use it to make him better.  He has never had to do that before.  I have my doubts that he will be able too, but I sure hope he does.

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Pretty decent Minnesota sports weekend, overall.  Vikings win. . .Twins split with the Rays. . .Gophers win. . .Bears lose a heartbreaker. . .Lions get smashed in San Francisco. . .and the Packers get run off their home field by Minnesota native Marion Barber III.

Yep. . .it's a fine Monday to be a Viking fan.  Of course, every Monday is a fine Monday to be a Viking fan, just like every other day is a fine day to be a Viking fan, and to hell with anybody that says otherwise.  Really, it's just a matter of whether I spend Monday being Happy Gonzo, which is better for all of the people in my immediate vicinity, or Angry Gonzo. . .which is not as good for all the people around me, but much better for this website, since Angry Gonzo seems to be a much better writer than Happy Gonzo.

And now that I've celebrated my multiple personality disorder and referred to myself in the third person a few times, join us. . .er, me. . .in taking a look back at yesterday's Viking triumph over the Carolina Panthers.

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I told you yesterday in my late update that I had had a long day on Tuesday, but not the kind of "long day" that you look back on and are glad it's over.

See, as a military member, I have a lot of things that I have to do in addition to my "regular job" of being an instructor in order to keep things running smoothly.  Some require a couple of hours to take care of, some require a day, some require a few days, and they usually involve various types of training.  However, yesterday was almost like a holiday on the military calendar for ol' Gonzo.  Why?

Because yesterday was "M-16 Qualification Day."  It isn't a national holiday, but by God, it ought to be.

Yesterday, my day consisted of learning everything there was to know about the M-16 rifle. . .the different parts, the firing procedures, the different firing positions, and so forth.  We took the weapons apart, put them back together, and learned about each part, inside and out.  After that, it was out to the rifle range for practice and qualification.

The process at the range begins with what's called "zeroing" your rifle.  Basically, you shoot 5 groups of 4 shots a piece, and these groups of shots are used to make "sight adjustments" to the weapon. . .if you're firing too high or too far to one side or something like that.  After the zeroing process, you get to fire 30 practice rounds in groups of 6.  This ensures that everything is working okay with your rifle.  Then, the qualification process begins. . .50 shots, and depending on what classification you are, you have to hit the targets a certain number of times to be qualified.

It's actually quite similar to football, when you think about it.  (See, I'm going somewhere with this. . .just hang on.)  Your zeroing process is a lot like mini-camps and training camp, getting the basics in order and stuff like that.  The practice rounds are more or less like the pre-season games. . .an opportunity to implement what you've already started working on.  Finally, we get to the qualification, where things get to be "for real" and there's no realistic chance of going back and starting over.

Well, a weird thing happened yesterday out on the range.  There were about 10 of us out there at different positions doing our qualifications, and when we got to the qualification part, one of the females that we had out there with us had her weapon constantly jam up on her, leaving her unable to fire the appointed number of rounds in the allotted time.  Bad juju, right?

Our instructor did the best he could to come up with a solution.  He had brough an extra M-16 along with him in the bus for just such an situation.  He put a few rounds into a magazine, fired them at a practice target, did the best he could to get it zeroed in, and gave it to the airman to use.  Sufficient to say, she fired badly and, though she DID reach her qualification mark, she scraped it pretty closely.

How does this finally relate back to football?  Because the same principle that we're seeing happen with the Minnesota Vikings right now.

You don't go into battle with a weapon that you don't have faith in.

Now, this can be applied in two ways. . .the first being the obvious one, the switch from Tarvaris Jackson to Gus Frerotte at quarterback.  Brad Childress, who talked all off-season about how improved Tarvaris Jackson was and how he was going to be a bigger part of the team and this and that and blah blah blah. . .we know now that that was a bunch of crap.  Brad Childress doesn't (and probably didn't) really believe in Tarvaris Jackson or his abilities.  He simply stood in front of you and me and reporters and Viking fans everywhere and said those sort of things to soothe his own inadequacies.

Someone that had faith in his quarterback wouldn't have called the kind of football games that Brad Childress has called over the first two weeks of the 2008 NFL season.  And if he didn't have that faith in Tarvaris Jackson from the word "go" , as far back as the pre-season or even mini-camp, then he owed it to himself, to Tarvaris Jackson, and to the Vikings' franchise to step up and admit as much, and to get the Vikings to go another direction at the quarterback position.  But he didn't.  He's bought into his own hype about his ability to develop a quarterback and thought he could just throw Jackson out there with THIS game plan and THIS scheme and get the job done.

Really, what quarterback has Childress ever developed?  And please, PLEASE don't give me Donovan F. McNabb.  Color me crazy, but McNabb seems to be doing just fine without him, thanks.

So now, after an 0-2 start, Brad Childress has given into the most basic, yet most powerful of human desires. . .the desire to save his own ass.  And as of now, he thinks that Gus Frerotte gives him the best chance to do that.  Don't get me wrong. . .I'm never, EVER going to cheer for my team to lose. . .but I'm not sure if I'd be totally heartbroken if Gus didn't turn out to be a knight in shining armor for this team, because it would mean that Childress would be on a bus out of town after the season finale against the New York Football Giants.

To a lesser extent, the theory also applies to the gameplans that Childress has given the offense in the first two games of this season.  Clearly, Childress didn't have faith in Jackson to execute the entire playbook, which is nothing short of mind-numbing at this point.  Basically, if I can slip a movie reference in here, Childress sent Tarvaris Jackson out into the arena to face Maximus Decimus Meridius. . .and basically armed him with a spork.  If the playcalling doesn't change, it won't make any difference who's calling the signals. . .this offense is going to continue to be horrible.

I know that there are a lot of video gamers out there among you, so let me put it this way.  To the right, you can see an approximation of the Vikings' offensive playbook over the first two games of the 2008 season.  You can see that there's a run to the left for Adrian Peterson, a run to the right for Adrian Peterson, and some very basic pass plays.  Yes, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tecmo Bowl Offense.  Hell, it's not even the Super Tecmo Bowl Offense. . .Super Tecmo Bowl gave you EIGHT plays to choose from, which we all know is way too many.  And in the second half of the Colts game, Tony Dungy was picking Brad Childress' play every. . .single. . .time.  And we know what happens in Tecmo Bowl when you guess your opponent's play, don't we?

So, don't go into battle with a weapon you don't have faith in. . .whether it's war or football or paintball or even a battle of the wits.  Maybe Brad Childress will show a little more faith in his weapon now that he's gotten a new one.  If he does, that's really a sad, sad testament to his abilities as a head football coach.

Just when you thought that the final pre-season game of the year couldn't get a whole lot less exciting, the announcement was made today that the Vikings won't be playing any of their starters in Thursday night's game against Dallas.

The entire first-string offense and first-string defense will take a seat in 48 hours, as will backup quarterback Gus Frerotte.  Brad Childress is basically saying "We're ready for September 8th."  I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing.  On one hand, I love the confidence that Childress is showing in his team, basically giving the first-string a full 15 days to rest up prior to the Vikings' opening night victory at Lambeau Field.  On the other hand, you have to wonder if he might not be overconfident right now.  Usually the starters get a little bit of work in the pre-season finale, but not this season.

As far as the quarterback duties on Thursday, Brooks Bollinger and John David Booty will each get one half as a final audition to run the offense and lock up a spot on the Vikings' final roster.

So, it appears that the main intrigue for this Thursday's game will be the battles for the various roster spots.  We'll take a look at a few of the spots that will be up for grabs tomorrow.  We hope to see you back here then!  Enjoy the rest of your Tuesday in the meantime.

How many times do you think we heard that during the off-season this past year?  A dozen?  A hundred?  A thousand?  I'm not totally sure, either, but it was a lot.

Well. . .just for fun, here's the performances for the first two pre-season games from some of the quarterbacks that will be hanging around the rosters of NFC North teams this season.  Prospective starters are in italics.

Honestly, I don't know who the starter in Chicago is going to be. . .or the primary backup in Detroit.  That's why things are the way they are in the table.  I'll probably update this after Detroit has played their second pre-season game this evening against Cincinnati.

But, yeah. . .which team is a quarterback away from being a contender again?

Also. . .isn't it amazing how much less impressive Green Bay's offensive line, wide receivers, and running backs look without that certain someone behind center taking the snaps?

Yes, I know. . .it's only pre-season, none of this matters, yadda yadda blah blah.  But, really. . .isn't it about time for folks outside of Minnesota to stop crapping all over Tarvaris Jackson at every opportunity?  Particularly looking at what he's surrounded by at the position in this division?

If Tarvaris Jackson isn't already the best quarterback in this division. . .and I, personally, think that he is, but I'm biased. . .he will be by the halfway point of the 2008 season at the latest.

After their acquisition of Brett Favre, the I-N-T-S J-E-T-S Jets Jets Jets released Chad Pennington, who had been their starter (when he was healthy) for the better part of the past 8 NFL seasons.  Immediately after the move was announced, speculation began that Pennington would be a good fit for the Minnesota Vikings.

Now, the quarterback that would obviously have to worry about this potentially happening would be Gus Frerotte, who the Vikings signed this past off-season to back up and mentor young Tarvaris Jackson.  Jackson's entrenched as the starter at this point, and I don't think that John David Booty would clear waivers to get to the practice squad, so his roster spot is safe.  Essentially, Pennington and Frerotte would be competing for the "veteran backup/mentor" role if the Vikings were to bring Pennington in.

If this battle were to occur, each man involved would have their pros and cons.  Pennington is a bit younger than Frerotte (though it surprises me ever time I see it to learn that Pennington is already 32 years old) and is a bit more mobile than Frerotte.  He also has the reputation of being a very accurate quarterback.  On the other side of the coin, Frerotte has a stronger arm than Pennington does, and has already spent a few months learning the Vikings' system.

Because of all of the surgeries he's had on his arm, Pennington's arm strength is very limited.  This might be a reason why the Vikings wouldn't bring him into the fold.  They just spent millions of dollars on WR Bernard Berrian for the purpose of having him stretch the field and take pressure off of the Vikings' league-best rushing attack.  Putting Chad Pennington into the game at quarterback would severely limit Berrian's ability to do that and, as a result, negate much of what Berrian was brought to Minnesota to do.  It would essentially create the same sort of problems that the Vikings had in 2007 with an inexperienced Tarvaris Jackson behind center, as teams just crammed all their players in the proverbial "box" and essentially ignored any kind of deep passes, because it wasn't a threat that the Vikings presented in the configuration they were in.

However, Pennington's accuracy would probably help to negate that a little bit.  Pennington has a career completion percentage of 65.6%, which is higher than either Tavaris Jackson's 58.1% mark or Frerotte's 54.2%.  With the sort of offense that Brad Childress wants to run, accuracy needs to be placed at a very high premium, and that's an advantage that Pennington would have over any of the Vikings' current quarterbacks.

Now, I don't know for sure if the Vikings are among the six teams that have contacted Pennington's agent at this point, or if they have any interest in him at all.  Do you folks out there think that they should be?  Feel free to discuss it here, as well as vote in the attached poll.

That's all for tonight, ladies and gentlemen.  We'll see you back here tomorrow for the Vikings' first pre-season football game, as they battle the Seattle Seahawks at the Metrodome.