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Fantasy Football Quandry

Allow me to indulge here, if you will.

A few years ago, I was just starting to get into Fantasy Football. This was back in the days when I only had one team. . .can you imagine that? (-: Anyway, I was searching around the ESPN Fantasy Football website for a league to get into, since I didn't know anyone else that played at the time. I found a league called Sacred Order of the Pigskin, full of what seemed to be a pretty decent group of guys, so I entered my team (which was then known as the Dead Parrots Society). Well, somehow, we've managed to keep the league together all this time and, as I've mentioned, the league is in its 8th season. . .even survived a move from ESPN's relatively terrible service to the remarkably stable service of CBS Sportsline.

In the first seven seasons that the league was together, there were seven different champions, yours truly included. . .I won the league in 2002. It's a 10-team league, so to not have any repeat champions for the first 7 years with the same group of folks is pretty impressive, IMO.

However, that changes this year. I've made the final game, and my opponent and I are both past SOotP champions. . .and by God, I want bragging rights. (Not to mention the cash and the trophy that go along with them.) The way our league works is this. . .

Four teams make the "Winner's Bracket." The #1 seed takes on the #4 seed, and the #2 seed takes on the #3 seed. Weeks 14 and 15 are combined together, and the winners of those two matchups move on to the championship, which is constituted of Weeks 16 and 17.

As it stands right now, I trail by two points at "halftime" of the championship game, 97-95. Here's the breakdown from this past week's games:

Aqua Teen Hunger Force (Me)   Hamster Bombardiers (Opponent)
Points Player Pos Player Points
11 Drew Brees QB Peyton Manning 26
14 LaDanian Tomlinson RB1 Tiki Barber 8
4 Cedric Benson RB2 Maurice Jones-Drew 30
24 Marvin Harrison WR1 Deion Branch 6
1 Terry Glenn WR2 Braylon Edwards 0
10 Randy McMichael TE L.J. Smith 7
12 John Carney K Neil Rackers 14
19 Minnesota D Dallas 6

Had you told me prior to this week that Brees and Tomlinson would combine for 25 points (a number that they've both surpassed individually on numerous occasions this year) and I'd still be within striking distance, I would have told you that you were insane. But, here I sit, in a position to easily capture my league this year.

And with that, I turn to you, fair readers. The following is my roster going into the season's final week. Now, before I present my roster, a little background on this year's SOotP Draft.

The draft was set to take place at 3 PM Central time on the Sunday before the season started. My wife had to work at her job at one of the casinos in Biloxi that day as well, and I usually pick her up at around 4 PM. . .which is fine. Draft usually doesn't take more than an hour, so I thought I'd be alright. This is also a keeper league, and my three keepers for this year were Carson Palmer, Clinton Portis, and LaDanian Tomlinson. So I'm set at QB and RB.

The draft begins and, needing two wide receivers, I nab Marvin Harrison and Randy Moss. Side note: I will never, ever again in my life waste a fantasy football draft pick on Randy Moss. Ever. We get through the first two rounds, and the commissioner notices that the draft order is wrong. . .presumably a glitch in the software. So, he asks if everyone can be back in an hour.

You see my quandry here, yes?

So, I ask the guys if they can hold off until after I get back from picking my wife up from work. . .Biloxi is a half-hour drive each way from our house, so it's going to take me a decent amount of time before I get back home. They almost unanimously say, "Sure!" (or other variants thereof), and so I leave myself on idle and go to pick up my wife. Approximately an hour later, I sit down at my computer, de-activate the screen saver, and get myself ready to draft again.

Problem. The draft is OVER. Yes, done, finished, completed, finito, O-V-E-R. So, I decide to take a look at my roster.

I have NINE quarterbacks on my roster. Yes, 9. . .the number just before 10. That many quarterbacks on my roster. I couldn't even put together a legal starting lineup, because the system didn't bother auto-drafting a TE for me. Here's a list of my draft log from that day. . .picks with a * after them indicate picks where I was at the mercy of the auto-drafter.

8 Aqua Teen Hunger Force Marvin Harrison (WR IND)
13 Aqua Teen Hunger Force Randy Moss (WR OAK)
28 Aqua Teen Hunger Force* DST Steelers (DST PIT)
33 Aqua Teen Hunger Force* Neil Rackers (K ARI)
48 Aqua Teen Hunger Force* Terry Glenn (WR DAL)
53 Aqua Teen Hunger Force* Kurt Warner (QB ARI)
68 Aqua Teen Hunger Force* Drew Brees (QB NO)
73 Aqua Teen Hunger Force* Brett Favre (QB GB)
88 Aqua Teen Hunger Force* Steve McNair (QB BAL)
93 Aqua Teen Hunger Force* Mark Brunell (QB WAS)
108 Aqua Teen Hunger Force* Philip Rivers (QB SD)
113 Aqua Teen Hunger Force* Jon Kitna (QB DET)
128 Aqua Teen Hunger Force* David Carr (QB HOU)

So, with that in mind, here's my current roster and who their teams are playing this weekend.

QB - Carson Palmer (vs. PIT), Drew Brees (vs. CAR)
RB - LaDanian Tomlinson (vs. ARI), Cedric Benson (vs. GB), Kevan Barlow (vs. OAK), Clinton Portis (IR)
WR - Marvin Harrison (vs. MIA), Terry Glenn (@ DET), Randy Moss (@ NYJ. . .like he's playing, anyway), Joe Jurevicius (@ HOU), Eric Moulds (vs. CLE)
TE - Randy McMichael (@ IND), Jermaine Wiggins (vs. StL)
K - John Carney (vs. CAR)
D - Minnesota (vs. StL), Pittsburgh (@ CIN)

That's my team.

Have at it, folks. . .I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts on this one!