"God has given you one face, and you make yourself another."
-William Shakespeare
Usually, I'm not one to argue with the Bard about. . .well, anything, really. Shakespeare was a pretty smart guy, all things considered. But, on this point, I'm going to be forced to take issue with him.
You see, there's a man in Minnesota by the name of Brad Childress. It's obvious that God did, indeed, give him a face as well. Unfortunately, where Shakespeare is incorrect is the fact that it seems as though Brad Childress' face has been handed out more than once. Numerous times, as a matter of fact. Whether it's in television, politics, or the media, the face of Brad Childress can be seen in numerous places every single day. So, in the spirit of the costume contests that will be held at numerous Halloween parties this evening. . .and due to the fact that, if the Vikings keep along their current course, this might be the only chance we have to do this. . .I present to you. . .
The First Annual Brad Childress Look-Alike Contest!!
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I have found five very worthy candidates for the title of "The Guy That Looks the Most Like Brad Childress." You'll be able to vote for your favorite over on the right-hand side of the main page there, or write in your own suggestions in the comments section of this very post. I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that this was inspired by a thread over at Purple Thoughts (which you can also find linked on the right-hand side of the main page), so big thanks to the crew over there for this idea. Without further ado, here are the nominees!
 Dr. Tobias Funke |
Who is he? A character on the Fox television program Arrested Development, Dr. Funke is a self-styled analyst/therapist, and doesn't seem to be terribly good at either job.
Similiarites to Childress, other than looks: Brad Childress is a self-styled offensive genius/NFL head football coach. Like Funke, he doesn't seem to be terribly good at either of his jobs, either. |
 Vladimir Lenin |
Who is he? Leader of the October Revolution and first leader of the Soviet Union, Lenin subscribed to Communism. . .a theory which, by and large, really doesn't work.
Similarities to Childress, other than looks: Childress is the leader of the Tarvaris Revolution (™ The Ragnarok), and subscribes to the theory of a "kick-ass offense". . .a theory which, by and large, really doesn't work. |
 G. Gordon Liddy |
Who is he? One of the masterminds of the raid of the Democratic National Committee's headquarters in 1972, which subsequently led to the Watergate scandal.
Similarities to Childress, other than looks: One of the masterminds of the Philadelphia Eagles' offense from 1999-2005, which subsequently led someone to believe that he could be an NFL head coach. |
 Gerald McRaney |
Who is he? Probably best known for his role in TV's Major Dad in the late 80s/early 90s, McRaney played Major John McGillis, commander of an infantry training school, and rules with a stern hand, rarely agreeing with others.
Similarities to Childress, other than looks: Probably best known for his role as the Eagles' offensive coordinator, Childress is the commander of an NFL football team, and rules with a stern hand, rarely letting his quarterbacks do simple things like call audibles and hand the ball to Adrian Peterson when he's running well. |
 Dennis Rader |
Who is he? Known as the BTK Killer (BTK standing for Bind, Torture, Kill), Rader pleaded guilty to numerous murders of 10 people in the state of Kansas between 1974 and 1991.
Similarities to Childress, other than looks: Since Childress took over in Minnesota, he's managed to bind the Vikings' offense, torture the fans of the Beloved Purple with these displays of "offense," and is slowly killing interest in the Minnesota Vikings on a national level |
So there you have it, folks! The vote is now, officially, yours!
Scarlett/Rosie (hopefully) tomorrow, so check back for that, and enjoy the rest of your Halloween night!