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Where We Discuss The Prospect of "That Guy" Being the Vikings' Quarterback

There's been a story that's developed over the course of the past week.  A story about a quarterback that had retired early in the off-season, after much speculation from the press, the league, his teammates, his rivals, and everybody in between.  Now, this quarterback is apparently (depending on your source) looking at making a comeback and, given his current team's situation, might be persona non grata in the locker room over there.  As a result, there's been speculation about this quarterback possibly, somehow, in some way becoming a member of the Beloved Purple.

Yes, you know exactly who I'm talking about.  However, in order to show the level of respect and admiration that I possess for said player, I will simply be referring to him (and not "Him," as some might have you believe) as "that guy."

Now, I think that the chances of that guy becoming the quarterback of the Minnesota Vikings are somewhere between Jessica Simpson being offered a job at NASA and Jessica Alba dropping that restraining order against my friend Butch.  Why anybody has even bothered to speculate on it to this point boggles my mind.  But we're nothing if not starved for material suckers for a good debate, so let me present my relatively simple view on the subject.

If given the choice between going 0-16 without "that guy" at quarterback and winning a Super Bowl with him. . .well, 0-16 would be just fine with me.

Now, is that a rational view?  Probably not.  Am I shooting for anything that resembles rationality here?  Hell, no.  If being called irrational is the worst thing anyone says about me, I'll have done pretty well for myself.  But I do not want to see "that guy" don the purple and gold ever.  EVER.  For any length of time, for any reason.

"But Gonzo," some of you might say, "if 'that guy' was our quarterback in 2008, we'd have a great chance to win the Super Bowl!"  Guess what?  No, we wouldn't.  In the last decade, the man has led his team to three. . .three. . .post-season victories.  That's a whopping one more than Daunte Culpepper has in the same span, and "that guy" has had way more bites at the apple (not to mention, more often than not, better talent around him) than DC.  Many of the losses over that same time have been caused by "that guy" either throwing multiple interceptions (2004 playoffs vs. Minnesota, 2001 playoffs vs. St. Louis) or throwing them at the single most inopportune time possible (2003 playoffs vs. Philadelphia, 2007 playoffs vs. New York).  "That guy" will never again lead anybody to a Super Bowl championship.  If his current team wants to waste time with him in the hope that it can happen, let them do it.  I don't want to see it happen here.

Second. . .you know all the crap we've given his team and fans of his team for all of the "will he or won't he" garbage he's perpetuated over the years?  Yeah?  You're familiar with it?  Okay. . .now imagine being on the other end of that.  If I want drama, I'll go through my old seasons of 24 on DVD.  I sure as heck don't want it with my football team.  I'm having a hard enough time believing that this team has been relatively well-behaved this off-season thus far.  Do we want constant retirement drama to deal with?  I certainly don't.  Again, let his current former current former current former employer deal with it if they want.

Reason the third. . .if "that guy" were to end up in Minnesota somehow and this team DID win the Super Bowl under his guidance. . .who, exactly, do you think would get all the credit?

Adrian Peterson?  I doubt it.

Brad Childress?  Hardly.

Jared Allen?  Ummmmm, no.

Nope, the correct answer would be "that guy."  "That guy" would be credited as the guy that finally got the Vikings over the proverbial hump, that got the proverbial monkey off of the Vikings' proverbial back. . .and that would make me absolutely, positively sick to my proverbial stomach.  The man's an icon in the state on the other side of the border. . .I wouldn't want him playing any role in any Minnesota success, never mind a central one.

I realize that a lot of fans of "that guy's" team were more than willing to accept a possible Randy Moss acquisition after years of calling him some of the most vile things I've ever heard an athlete referred to as.  I don't know why this would be. . .they have their reasons, I suppose.  But to see "that guy" as the quarterback of the Minnesota Vikings would make me every bit as angry, sad, and disgusted as I would have been had, for example, the late Kirby Puckett would have signed with the Chicago White Sox and led them to a championship.

I don't know if such a thing would be enough to make me stop being a fan of the team. . .and hell, if THAT wouldn't, then I'm not sure there's anything that would. . .but I'd feel a great deal of sadness. anger, and disappointment if it were to happen.  I don't think I'd be alone in those feelings.

So, it's a damn good thing that there really is no chance of it happening.  And for that, maybe we should thank "Him," as opposed to "him."