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Brad Childress...Bad Coach, Incompetent Dictator, Or Both?


Brad Childress addresses the media at Winter Park Monday.

Back in the 1920's and 30's the roots of WWII were sewn with the emergence of an evil thing called fascism, among other things.  The most notable fascist leader, and one of the most evil tyrants of all time, was Adolf Hitler.  But not a lot of people know about his trusty sidekick and comic relief, the Italian leader Benito Mussolini.  Mussolini was an incompetent, bumbling idiot who tried to make Italy the next Germany, but he sucked at it.  When he invaded puny Ethipoia and other North African countries, the Italian Army was so incompetent it had to be rescued by the German Army, led by Irwin Rommel's Afrikacorps.  In 1943, he was essentially voted out of office by other members of the Italian government and was areesrted.  He was a dictator, and that's not supposed to happen, but he was so freaking incompetent that the yes men he put in place to do his bidding had him arrested. 

He was, in many respects, the most comically incompetent dictator of all time.

Until yesterday.

Yesterday Brad Childress, in a fit of pique not seen since the French Revolution, released, and made a martyr of, the enigmatic Randy Moss.  What were Randy's major transgressions?  Well, according to Brad Childress, he's not the type of player that he needed in Minnesota.  Really?  An improvement of 7 points a game and a marked improvement in the offense isn't what was needed?  No, of course it wasn't.  How silly of us to think that.

You see, Brad Childress has an aversion to this thing called 'scoring', which is closely related to this other cosmic concept called 'the forward pass'.  Brad 'il Duce' Childress lives in a fantasy world where players wear leather helmets, the forward pass is against the law, and he's never wrong. 


Brad Childress will be respected.  Do you understand?

Childress released Moss for speaking fondly of his old team, the Patriots.  In a post game press conference, he said he missed them and that Bill Belichick was a great coach.  If that's the standard, then Brad Childress must fire himself, because on his Wednesday press conference, he said:

"I have a great deal of respect for Coach Belichick and the way he's formulated that program in the last 10 years and I've told him so. He has a mentally tough team that are great competitors that's played the way I hope one of my teams plays one of these days."

You know, il Duce, that's exactly what Moss was saying, in his own roundabout way.  He's played in your system and in Belichick's system, and yours has been found wanting.  His teams are mentally tough because that's the aura the coach exudes.  You come off as a high school checkers player going to play Gary Kasparov in a Loser Leave Town Chess Match.

And the only way your team plays like his team is if Bill Belichick coaching your team. 

You see, dissension isn't allowed on Planet Duce.  Like the Italian mafia, if you violate the Chilly code of Omertà, you end up face down on the waiver wire.  A quick list of Chilly whackings, for no other reason than, well, Chilly says so:

Daunte Culpepper.  (In all fairness, I agreed with this one.  Culpepper was acting like a low level capo that wanted to be boss.)

Marcus Robinson, WR.  Sleeps with the fishes on Christmas Eve, 2006, for voicing displeasure at the team's 6-9 record.

Randy, Moss, WR.  Because he spoke the same truths Chilly did three days earlier.

Matt Birk, C.  He pretty much said Childress was the reason he left the Vikings.  Birk was a perennial All Pro and was offered more money to stay in Minnesota, but he went to Baltimore.   



Matt Birk.  He went to Harvard


I'm sure there are more, but the one thing these guys had in common (with the exception of Culpepper, who just went nuts--allegedly) was that they were team leaders who dared to say that the Emperor has no clothes.

Poof.  Gone.  Whacked. 

In a desperate bid to save his season,  il Duce went all Nurse Ratched by trying to neutralize what he felt was his Patrick McMurphy.  All McMurphy was doing was shedding light on what needed to be shed light on--Brad Childress has no business being an NFL coach

However, what I think he's done, if it's any indication from these boards, my personal feelings, and my dad's gem of a quote (he waived Moss?  Can the Vikings waive Childress?), is that he's turned us all into Chief, and we're going to rip the sink out of the floor and walk out of this damn asylum.

Chilly, you have no clue what the return of Moss meant to a lot of Vikings fans, and what we saw a wrong being made right.  You've now elevated yourself to a level of dislike reserved for Norm Green and Red McCombs, and in one fell swoop, you've alienated your locker room, your fanbase, the ownership, and reduced the chances of the Vikings getting a new stadium and staying in Minnesota.  You see, fickle Minnesota politicians won't fight for a new stadium when the fanbase isn't clamoring for one, and they were coming around, slowly but surely.  First Favre, then the NFC Championship game, then the return of Moss.

Now this.  You putz.

Way to go, il Duce. 

Thanks for nothing.