Ah, yes. . .the immortal words of Peter Gibbons' neighbor Lawrence in the modern-day classic film Office Space. That's what Lawrence says to Peter as he's leaving to confess to stealing a bunch of money from his employers, a move that will inevitably land him in federal PMITA prison. Or, at least, it would have if. . .you know, if you haven't seen Office Space, shame on you. You should do so immediately. Go ahead, I'll wait.
waits
waits
Are we square now? Okay, good. . .because the rest of this post has nothing to do with Office Space.
No, when you mention "Cornhole" in conjunction with tailgating, what we're talking about is the ultimate game of skill. As you can see from the picture above, Cornhole is played with a couple of ramp-like apparatuses, known as "counts," and beanbags. The basic object of the game is to toss the beanbags either through the hole in the top of the count or onto the count itself. I won't get into all of the official rules and everything like that. . .and, believe me, there are more than you think. . .but if you're interested in reading more on the subject, feel free to check out the official Cornhole rules, courtesy of the American Cornhole Association.
(Yes, there's an American Cornhole Association. I SO want to put that on a business card. "It's okay, ma'am, I'm with the Cornhole Association. This is strictly business, I can assure you.")
Now. . .you could go out and spend a significant amount of money on a fancy Cornhole set-up like the one you see in the picture there, and if you do, that's completely your prerogative. However, if you're so inclined, you could go and make your own instead for a fraction of the cost. After the jump, we'll let you know everything you need to do the job, and how to get the job done.
What You Need
-Three 2x4 inch plywood sections that are eight feet long
-Four 2-foot by 11.5 inch plywood sections
-Deck screws
-Primer paint
-Gloss enamel paint (I'd go with purple here, but that's just me)
-Compass
-Tape measure
-Jigsaw (now the guy from the Saw movies, but an actual jigsaw)
-Power drill
What You Do
1) Cut 2 of the 2-by-4 inch plywood sections that are 8 feet long into four equal lengths. They will each be 3 feet 11 1/2 inches in length and used for the sides of the cornhole platform.
2) Set the 2 feet by 11 1/2 inch boards flush to the long sides of the platform, 1/2-inch away from the edge. Screw into place.
3) Cut the last 2-by-4 inch plywood section that is 8 feet long to get four pieces that are about 21 inches, or the exact length needed to fit in the short ends of the platform. Once these are screwed into place, the platform should look like a 5-sided box with no bottom.
4) Draw a circle using a compass on the platform where the hole will be. It needs to have a 3 inch radius and a 6 inch circumference. The center of the circle should be 12 inches from the sides of the platform, and 9 inches from the top.
5) Cut the circle out using a jigsaw. Sand the edges if needed.
6) Screw the 2 feet by 11 1/2 inch boards to the top short end with the hole so that the finished platform sits at an incline.
7) Paint the finished cornhole platform first with primer and then with a glassy paint for the right amount of slickness.
(Directions brought to you courtesy of the nice folks at EHow.com.)
And there you have it. Now, while you're at your tailgate, waiting for the food to cook or for the alcohol to really, truly kick in and start warming you up, you and your friends can play a rousing game or two of Cornhole before moving into the Metrodome and starting the real fun.
Or, you can swordfight. . .like Marisa Miller here.