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An Open Letter from the Minnesota State Legislature

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Dear Minnesota Vikings Players, Fans, and Employees,

We here in the Legislature understand that you want a new stadium for the largest entertainment industry in this state.  HAH!  Do you realize that we have a budget deficit?  Do you know HOW we got that budget deficit?  Yes, that’s right.  WE, the Legislature, did that!!  It takes one hell of an effort to go from a budget surplus to a multibillion dollar deficit in under a decade, and we’d like a little recognition for that, thank you very much.  How can you expect us to solve a legitimate problem when we can’t solve ones we created ourselves?  Quite frankly, we think that’s pretty damn selfish of you people, and we’re pretty offended.

You are apparently under some misguided notion that WE are here to serve YOU.  Yes, that’s what you’re taught in school systems all over this fine state, but quite frankly, that couldn’t be farther from the truth.  You see, we are self-serving politicians, and we are attention whores that like to see our names in newspapers, and our faces on TV.  Now really, how could you expect that to happen if we went about our business in a reserved, common sense manner?  I mean, if we actually did what you think we’re supposed to do, there would have been a stadium years ago, and our budget would be balanced.

There would be no reason to call a press conference, accuse other self serving attention whores of being self…serving…attention…whores, and see ourselves on TV that night.  Now I ask you, what fun would that be?

See, approving a stadium is politically risky, and one thing we DON’T do, under ANY circumstances around here, is to stand up for what we believe in, or do the right thing.  Well, that’s two things.  Christ, we can’t even count to two, unless it’s two billion, which is the deficit we’ve managed to accrue.  But we’ve already talked about that.

Doing something that creates over 3,000 construction jobs, continues an annual $20 million tax revenue stream into the state, and keeps the Vikings in Minnesota is a phenomenal idea.  Doing it without adding to our state deficit is one of the most creative, ingenious plans we’ve ever heard. 

Which is why we can’t support it, of course. 

Yes, the Racino plan would have worked, and yes, according to some polls, up to 80% of Minnesotans approved of it, but what we here in the Legislature really like to do is pander for campaign money.  Groups like the Native American Tribes have it, and you don’t.  You see, with the money they give us, they get to tell us what to do!  And the great thing is, we do it, and don’t give two hoots in hell as to whether it will benefit the state or not!  It’s a wonderful system.

So really, quit worrying about something so trivial as an iconic sports team with over 50 years of history and tradition in this state, and worry about important stuff, like how we're going to screw the budget up even more.

Sincerely,

The Minnesota House and Senate

PS...And the Governor, too!!!