When in the Course of an NFL season, it becomes necessary for one group of fans to dissolve the bitter ending of the 2009 NFC Championship game which have connected them with bitter endeavors of the past, and to assume among the powers of the game, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of running the Football and of winning games entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the belief of an upcoming Super Bowl Championship.
We hold these truths to be self evident, that not all teams are created as equal as the VIkings, and that the Vikings are endowed by their fans with certain unalienable talents that among these are Life of a new season, Liberty, and the pursuit of a Championship. That to secure these rights, VIking fans are uniquely instituted among people, deriving their just powers from the faith that we will get a new stadium, That whenever any opponent becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the defense to demolish them, and to institute the offense onto the field, laying its foundation on such principles as running and passing, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their winning the game.
Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Viking fans long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that Viking fans are more disposed to suffer after the 2009 season, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of losses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute despair it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such feelings, and to provide new hope for the 2010 season.
Such has been the patient sufferance of these fans; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of belief. The history of the Vikings is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tearanny (tyranny...TEARanny...sadness, get it?) over these fans. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid NFL world.
Well, let us not, for we know what they are.
We, therefore, the Daily Norseman, Representatives of the fans of the VIkings, Assembled, appealing to the Gods of Football for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good fans of this team, solemnly publish and declare, That this United Fanbase is, and of Right ought to be Free of the Past; that they are Absolved from all past grievous losses, including the 2009 NFC Championship, and four Super Bowls and that all emotional connection between them and the 2010 season, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Fans of the Best Team in Football, they have full Power to cheer for a sweep of the Packers and Bears, a division championship, conference championship, Super Bowl championship, and to do all other Acts and Things which lead towards that endeavor. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Brett Favre to remain injury free, we mutually pledge to each other our Replica Jerseys, our Chicken Wing recipe, and our sacred Leinenkugel's Sunset Wheat Beer.
In all seriousness, we live in the greatest country in the world. Enjoy your freedoms, and take a moment to give thanks to those that are putting it on the line half a world away to make sure we can enjoy these freedoms for another 230+ years.
Happy Fourth of July, everyone!