Scene: Radio City Music Hall. . .after the first eleven picks in the 2011 SB Nation draft have been made, Roger Goodell approaches the podium. . .
Goodell: Rather than announcing the Minnesota Vikings' selection in the 2011 NFL Draft, I would like to turn the podium over to a celebrity selector. . .ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce rap and hip hop icon, Lil' Jon!
(picture courtesy of Wikimedia Commons)
Lil Jon: Why, thank you, Mr. Goodell. . .it is my pleasure to announce who the Minnesota Vikings will be taking with the twelfth pick in this year's annual National Football League selection meeting.
some awkward silence passes
followed by a little more awkward silence
Goodell: Well, Lil' Jon. . .who did the Minnesota Vikings pick in this year's NFL Draft?
Lil' Jon: WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWATT!
Goodell: I said who did the Vikings take with their pick?
Lil' Jon: WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWATT!
Goodell: Who do the Vikings want to draft?
Lil' Jon: WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWATT!
Goodell: Are you going to announce Minnesota's pick?
Lil' Jon: Yeh. . .YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!
Goodell: So who did they select?
Lil' Jon: WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWATT!
Guy who does all of the picks after the first round that Goodell doesn't want to bother himself with and whose name I can't be bothered to look up at the moment: Uh, sir, I think he might be trying to tell us that the Vikings want to select J.J. Watt, the defensive end out of Wisconsin.
Goodell: Is that what you're trying to say?
Lil' Jon: Yeh. . .YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!
Goodell: Okay, so the Vikings have selected Wisconsin defensive end J.J. Watt with the twelfth pick in the 2011 NFL Draft. Thank you, Lil' Jon, you may go now.
Lil' Jon: O-KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!
Goodell: This was a terrible idea.
As the Detroit Lions prepare to make their pick, we see Eminem starting to make his way to the podium.
Goodell: Oh HELL no!
(end scene)
Yes, I went ahead and selected J.J. Watt for the Minnesota Vikings with this pick in the draft. The Vikings were in quite a situation at this spot. . .the top two quarterbacks were gone, the top two corners had gone off the board, as had the top two wide receivers. . .and damn you, Houston Texans, for inexplicably taking Julio Jones.
There isn't a quarterback worth taking at number 12, in my opinion. . .and, with all due respect to everyone that picked Jake Locker in our community mock draft, seeing that fake pick in that fake draft was enough to make me throw my fake remote through my fake television from my fake recliner and scare the heck out of my fake dogs. You all owe me a lot of fake money so that I can get a fake replacement.
Now, as to why I didn't take Da'Quan Bowers, after discussing it with the rest of the staff, Bowers just had too darn many red flags. He had one productive season in college, he has a lingering knee injury, and there are rumors that his work ethic is not what we would call great. To be honest, Bowers wasn't even my second choice for this pick. . .had Watt been gone, the next guy up probably would have been Cameron Jordan.
But Watt was there, and so he's the pick, largely because I think he could be a very versatile piece in a 4-3 front. He weighs in at about 290 pounds, and could probably put on at least 10 more pounds. One would think that he would immediately be the starter at left end after Ray Edwards leaves town, and could possibly even kick inside and play next to Kevin Williams on passing downs, letting Brian Robison come in and rush from the end spot rather than from the tackle spot like he's done the past couple of seasons.
There are no questions about Watt's work ethic, that's for sure. . .I think the phrase "high motor player" is a bit overused, but it's exactly the way to describe J.J. Watt, and that's exactly the kind of player the Vikings defense needs. This team needs to take the best player available at this spot, and in my opinion in this scenario, Watt is that player.
So there you go. . .our next pick won't be for a few more days, but it will certainly be up here when it's made.
Oh, and for the uninitiated, the inspiration for the above Lil' Jon appearance.