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What We're NOT Doing Today

If Marc Bulger is the best option in free agency, maybe a trade might be the best option.
If Marc Bulger is the best option in free agency, maybe a trade might be the best option.

Today is supposed to be, next to Christmas morning or a Charlie Sheen webcast, the greatest day of the year---the first day of NFL free agency.  Right about now, you should be hitting 'F5' on your favorite NFL site...ahem, it BETTER be the Daily see who is coming to Winter Park, who is rumored to be coming to Winter Park, and who we WANT to come to Winter Park.  I remember when message boards were still kind of a novelty, staying up past 3 AM the year the Vikings signed Antoine Winfield, and when (I think it was him) Kevin Seifert confirmed that Mike Tice got a buddy of his to send a jet to New York to fly Winfield to Minnesota, then--and only then--did I allow my vigil to end., there will be none of that today, because of the labor strife.  Thanks for kicking us in the collective junk, NFLPA and owners.

But what we can do for you is provide you a list of players at the biggest 'need' position the Vikings have had free agency began today, quarterbacks.  And then we can determine which unrestricted free agent, if any, will send a thrill up your leg.  Let's break it down, after the jump.

Kyle Boller (Oakland):  No.  He was terrible in Baltimore, terrible in St. Louis, and I had no idea he was even signed by the Raiders.

Todd Bouman (Jacksonville):  Can you see Bouman coming back here?  I can't.

Marc Bulger (Baltimore):  I think Bulger is the best of a mediocre lot, but like I said at SB Minnesota, he sees more shadows than the kid in The Sixth Sense.  Bulger had some very good years in St. Louis, but with the Vikes' questions at the offensive line, I don't know that he would be anything better than the 2007 or 2008 versions.  You know, the guy that got benched for Kyle Boller.

Kerry Collins (Tennessee):  He was the conductor of 41-doughnut.  Screw him.

Kellen Clemens (Jets):  Remember when it looked like the Jets made a draft day trade and moved just ahead of the Vikings and drafted Clemens in 2006?  And remember how a segment of the Vikings fan base was pretty upset about it?  Yes, yes it WAS an over reaction.

Todd Collins (Chicago):  Oh HELL no.

Brodie Croyle (Kansas City):  I'd rather take my chances with Joe Webb.

Charlie Frye (Oakland):  See Collins, Todd.

Rex Grossman (Washington):  Ah, Rex the Wonder Dog.  Just when you think he's done, he goes off for 300 yards and 4 TD's and you think, 'you know, maybe'.  And then you remember how bad he was in Chicago, and you quickly come back to your senses. 

Matt Hasselbeck (Seattle):  If Hasselbeack's back could hold up, he's an intriguing option.  He still has some talent, and could put up some big numbers with Rice, Percy, and Shiancoe big upgrades to what he had to throw to in Seattle.  But I think the first time he bent over center he'd throw his back out, and it would be moot.

Tavaris Jackson (Minnesota):  I think it's safe to say that if Tarvaris Jackson comes back to Minnesota the Madison protests will look like a backyard cook out compared to the wailing and gnashing of teeth we will see in Vikingland.

Matt Leinart (Houston):  I thought Leinart was going to have a good NFL career.  Reason # 6,407 why you should never take anything I say or write seriously.

J.P. Losman (Seattle):  No.

Luke McCown (Jacksonville):  No.

J.T. O’Sullivan (Oakland):  For the Love of God, no.

Chad Pennington (Miami):  If signed, Pennington would become the first quarterback to make an NFL roster with only one arm following successful amputation surgery in the off-season.  What's that?  It was just his 312th shoulder surgery?  Oops, my bad.

Patrick Ramsey (Minnesota):  What was your favorite Patrick Ramsey moment?

Chris Simms (Tennessee):  Seriously?

Alex Smith (San Francisco):  Intriguing option, but with Mike Singletary on the coaching staff, I don't see Smith interested in coming here.  Part of me thinks Smith could be good, but part of me thinks he's marginally better than Tarvaris Jackson. 

Jim Sorgi (Giants):  Uhhhhhhhhhh, no.

Brian St. Pierre (Carolina):  If you can't beat out Jimmy Clausen, I don't want you on my football team.

Billy Volek (San Diego):  Probably my third pick behind Bulger and Hasselbeck.  That's still not saying much, but hey, he's third!!