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The Stadium Saga, Daily Norseman Style

Bagley_medium As requested, we have changed our stadium bill substantially. We've moved it from the ideal location of Arden Hills to the Metrodome site. We fully understand that this stadium bill is a bag of ass compared to the Arden Hills plan, but we are willing to compromise, and it's better than nothing. It's EVERYTHING the state of Minnesota asked us to do. It might not be the best plan, but it's a new stadium, and it keeps the Vikings in Minnesota for the next 30 years.

Mark-dayton_medium Mr Bagley, you've convinced me. Using my powers of persuasion, and the bully pulpit that the Governor's office gives me, I will persuade the Speaker of the House and the Senate Majority Leader to act swiftly and get this stadium deal passed. Senate Majority Leader Senjem?

Senjem_medium Maybe. Hopefully. Whatever.

Mark-dayton_medium Uh, ahem. Mr. Speaker?

Zellers_medium Eat a used condom. I ain't doing shit.

Dayton_poop_medium I have to poop. You're on your own Zygi. Deuces. Deuces, poop, get it?

Wilf_medium Bagley_medium...

Wilf_mediumLook, Mr. Speaker, we're at a crossroads here. If we don't get a new stadium, my financial situation in Minnesota is untenable. I'll have to sell the team or move them.

Zellers_mediumYou don't get it, do you?

Wilf_medium Get what?

Zellers_medium It's far too early for me to take a position on this. I really don't give two hoots in Hell about the Vikings, what I care most about is holding on to my gig as Speaker. Think about it: I only work for four months out of the year, every time I open my cock garage there's a camera in front of me, and no one is more powerful than me.

Wilf_medium ORLY? Lester, bring in the Rog.

Goodell_medium Get this bill moving, sunshine, or I will remove your balls with a toothpick and a martini glass.

Zellers_medium You know, I don't have any problem at all with bringing this bill to the floor for a vote.