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What Do You Want In The New Stadium?

May 4, 2012; Eden Prairie, MN, USA; Minnesota Vikings defensive line coach Brendan Daly plays a mock up of 'Six Degrees of Rukavina' using an unamed rookie as the video touch screen.  His mind is still blown.
May 4, 2012; Eden Prairie, MN, USA; Minnesota Vikings defensive line coach Brendan Daly plays a mock up of 'Six Degrees of Rukavina' using an unamed rookie as the video touch screen. His mind is still blown.

Yeah, I know the stadium battle is over. Well, almost. Once the Minneapolis City Council approves it next week, it will be over. But that formality aside, what would you like to see in the new digs?

Both Mark and Zygi Wilf have said they're still in the conceptual phase, and it will be a year to go from here to breaking ground. That means they still need to hire an architectural firm and plan this thing out.

That's where we come in. Us, the fans. I mean, if it's the 'People's Stadium', we should have some input into how this thing is put together, amirite?

1. MOAR FULLBACKS. I want a fullback Hall of Fame within the Vikings Hall of Fame within the Minnesota 'Sparts' Hall of Fame (if you were here for the legislative threads, you get the reference. If not, may God have mercy on your soul). Starting with Bill 'Boom Boom' Brown and going all the way to Jim Kleinsasser, I want an area that is dedicated to fullbacks. Because you can't have enough fullbacks.

More ideas, and I'd like to see what you guys have, after the jump.

2. KURT ZELLERS CUSTOM TOILET PAPER. When I take a Marty and have to wipe my Khan in the new stadium, I want a black and white picture of the Speaker of the House on each and every piece of paper. Oh, and I want padded, heated sits on the toilet. Why? Because we can, that's why.

3. LANNING'S LANDING. A bar, in honor of Morrie Lanning, the bulldog in the House that got this through, in the middle deck, on the 50 yard line. Their signature drink will be a Kriesel, which is free beer of your choice. Anyone with the surname Khan, Nienow, Zellers or Marty will not get past the velvet rope.

4. KRIESEL'S KORNER. A mini-casino, upper deck in the corner of the north end zone, in honor of our favorite state representative and his love of Las Vegas.

5. NIENOW COMMEMORATIVE URINALS. In each urinal...and there will be NO piss troughs in the People's stadium, Mr. Wilf--are we clear on that?...there will be a Sean Nienow urinal cake. That way, we can all piss on Sen Nienow, just like he tried to piss all over us.

6. SIX DEGREES OF RUKAVINA. There will be a bank of interactive screens on the main concourse as you walk into the main gate off the Hiawatha Light Rail. Just touch a screen to begin, and long time Iron Range representative Tom Rukavina will appear, and he'll say, "hey dere, say yer name into da micruphone dere, dat was made with steel provided by the Taconite mines in my district, and crafted by Minnesota workers." You say your name, and living Minnesota encyclopedia Tom Rukavina will give you your detailed family history, and how your family is somehow connected to the building of the stadium in under six steps. For example:

"Hey dere, Ted Glover, your Dad was Don Glover, and he worked for __________ for terty five years (1). During that time, his company made industrial belts and hoses for equipment used by ____construction company (2). Dat company was responsible for installing all 71,450 seats here at Bud Grant Field of Valhalla Stadium (3). Skol, and enjoy da game dere today, okay? Youbetcha.

Best game ever? Best game ever.

7. FREE ROSENCOPTER RIDES. A helicopter, with the face of Julie Rosen, Queen Of The Senate, will be on the side of a tricked out, purple and gold CH-47, and parked near the new tailgate area. And we get free rides around downtown, weather permitting. And since I, you know, used to fly CH-47's and all, I'll come out of retirement and be the pilot.

Okay, that was some light hearted stuff. For real, I want this to happen:

8. I WANT THE VIKINGS TO ENTER ON LONGBOATS TO "IMMIGRANT SONG". I know they do this already, but for the first game, a twist. When the Vikings take the field in the first home game, this is what I want: I want the stadium to go dark. I want thunder and lightning to boom from the speakers and the state of the art scoreboard and screens. Then I want a spotlight to shine on the 50 yard line, and I want James Earl Jones standing there, and start reciting the Valhalla prayer:

Lo, there do I see my Father..
Lo, there do I see my Mother
And my Sisters and my Brothers..
Lo, there do I see the line
Of my people back to the beginning..
Thay do bid me to take my place among them..
In the Halls of Valhalla,
Where the Brave may live forever.

And as the crowd starts going nuts, I want him to then say:

"Save us, O Lord, from the fury of the Northmen."
Field goes dark, Immigrant Song by Led Zeppelin starts blaring, and out come the Vikings, in three motorized longboats, with Frazier (or whoever the head coach is) in the lead boat. They do a loop around the field, then over to their sideline. Best entrance ever?
Best entrance ever.

9. BUD GRANT WILL BE AN HONORARY CAPTAIN. I want Bud Grant as as many of the Viking alumni you can muster to be honorary captains for the coin toss.

10. VIKINGS WEEKEND. Starting on Friday the week the stadium opens for the first home game, open the Minnesota Sports Hall of Fame on Friday. If I am fortunate enough to have a grandson by then, I will take him there. I will show him pictures of the Purple People Eaters, of Tommy Kramer, of Kent Hrbek and Kirby Puckett, and then I will take him to the room about the 1980 Olympic Hockey team. And I will sit him down on a bench and tell him how a bunch of mostly Minnesota Iron Range kids slayed the monster that was the Soviet Union, and brought home Olympic gold.

11. MAKE THE THROWBACK UNIFORMS PERMANENT. You can go ahead and do that now, as far as I'm concerned.

What do you guys want?