As many of you know, Spielman has a black belt in verbal judo, saying nothing substantive on the surface, yet leaving a lot left between the lines. Since our Rick Spielman decoder ring still isn't ready for the market, I thought I'd help translate what the Vikings GM said this week.
So, I'll put the original question and answer posed to the Black Belt of BS, then translate what I think he probably meant.
Dan Wiederer of the Strib asked point blank if the Vikes were going to trade Harvin.
"We have no intent of trading Percy Harvin," he said. "Percy Harvin is under contract and we expect him, just like all of our players under contract, to be here."
Ted's translation: Right now he's a Viking. But he's a real pain in the ass Viking, and I'm not going to laugh and hang up the phone if you call me. Ted, for example, has no intent to get drunk this weekend, but it could still very well happen.
BUT WIEDERER WAS READY...and asked if the 'intent' could change.
"Again, there is no intent to trade Percy Harvin," Spielman said. "He is a very good football player. I’m not going to talk about any contractual issues because those are kept internal."
Ted's translation: Again, he's a real pain in the ass, but he is AWESOME with the football in his hands. C'mon, give me a call, make me an offer. I double dog dare you, bitches.
Wiederer ended the Harvin thread asking about the speculation and chatter going on about Harvin.
"There’s so much stuff flying out there this time of year that comes from everywhere," he said. "I know where we stand and with the people in this organization, it’s a very close circle on what gets out. And so I sit there and look at some of the stuff. But I would just say don’t believe all the half-truths or the rumors or the no-truths that are out there because there is so much stuff that flies around. … Ya know, it’s great reading."
Ted's Translation: People are flinging all the bullshit this organization is planting out there, AND I LOVE IT. I know exactly what we're going to do, but I have more fun watching people run around like chickens with their head cut off over this than I do watching free Internet porn. And I love watching free Internet porn. Sure as hell beats watching tape of potential draft picks. Also, Daily Norseman is awesome to read.
When asked about whether or not Leslie Frazier is the long term answer at coach...
"Leslie has done an outstanding job here," Spielman reiterated Friday. "He’s been a great leader of the men down in the locker room. We expect him to be our coach for a long time. He’s been outstanding at everything from leadership to development of young players, everything we’re doing. We’re just looking forward to getting ready for next year and anything from a contractual standpoint or anything like that will always be held internal, just like players. … There’s no question of the support that our ownership group, myself, I think our whole organization has for Leslie Frazier."
Ted's translation: The fact that he didn't punch Percy Harvin in the face after his outbursts is a testament to what a great guy he is, but the NFL is a 'what have you done for me lately' business. We've done a little 'carrot and stick' on him by exercising his option, so we've got an out if the team tanks. Zygi's bankrolling some new digs and doesn't want to be left on the hook for a lot of dead money from a contract of a head coach that is no longer here, so we're slow rolling him a bit. But Les is a good guy, and he understands. Just win, baby.
Finally, he talked about the Combine at Indianapolis, which starts Wednesday.
"It's probably the biggest event heading into the draft," he said. "It's the first time you're going to get all the Olympic numbers on these guys: the height, weight, speeds, the first time that we'll get in front of a lot of these guys, especially the juniors. We'll get all our medical, our psychological, both areas that we test in those. It's probably my most exciting time besides the day of the draft is going to the combine, because there's so much that you get accomplished there."
Ted's translation: How this has become a huge media event is a testament to the hype machine that is the NFL. I have to drag my ass to Indy to watch guys run sprints and drills in ridiculous looking t-shirts. And then we'll go nuts over a guy who can't catch, tackle, or throw, but runs really fast and does a lot of reps during the weightlifting. That guy will be drafted by Oakland, more than likely. Then we'll ask a guy a bunch of questions and laugh at him after he exits the room, because really, that's the highlight of the event for us. One time, Studwell told a kid to hop on one leg for 20 minutes while pissing on a biography of Lombardi without hitting the carpeting. When the kid asked why, Studwell stared at him until the kid's heart stopped. Dead cold. Good thing Sugarman was there. When he left the room we spread a rumor that the kid was into auto-erotic asphyxiation. We still laugh about that one. But we do stupid stuff like that because it's in Indianapolis, which has a nightlife that's just this side of a retirement home in terms of excitement.
We know return you to your regularly scheduled Percy Watch.