Before we delve into this week's preview, let's get you into the London mood with a quick song set to the tune of "London Bridge Is Falling Down":
London ratings falling down,
'Cause the Vikes, are in town,
Expectations hit the ground,
My fair lady.
The Steelers are also dodgy,
Same record, oh and three,
They got old in a hurry,
Tomlin goes crazy.
Only three weeks in we know,
But playoffs? Cheerio!
Hear the British birds all go:
"Where's Tom Brady?"
This probably isn't what the NFL had in mind when they created the schedule. "Let's promote our product abroad by sending two of the most disappointing teams in the league!" What was supposed to be a cracking match has quickly turned into absolute pants.
Yes, I'll be using some British slang while I preview the London game. If you don't like me going full monty with my humour, you can piss off. I absolutely adore how the English speak English. Outside of their incredibly liberal use of the c-word, my favorite linguistic quirk of the British is known as "Cockney rhyming slang". It's a sort of Pig Latin-esque secret language that replaces a word with another word or phrase that rhymes with the original. Most of the time they make zero sense:
- "Apples and pears" for "Stairs";
- "Adam and Eve" instead of "Believe";
- "Tom tit" in place of "Shit";
- "Barney Rubble" means "trouble"; and
- "Bees and honey" for "Money".
So saying something like "Can you Adam and Eve that I had to run up five flights of apples and pears just to take a tom tit? I was in a bit of Barney Rubble there," wouldn't be complete nonsense. But some of the best Cockney rhymes actually relate to the words they're replacing. My personal favorites are "trouble and strife" for "wife" and "struggle and grunt" instead of...that aforementioned c-word those blokes are so fond of. So in that spirit allow me to introduce a few Cockney sayings for players to go with Sunday's game at Wembley Stadium. How about "Missing Yonder" for Ponder? Maybe "Mullet's fine" for 69 (Jared Allen)? "Never whiff" for "Smiff" (how the English would pronounce Harrison Smith's last name)? "Ripped and sleveless" instead of Purple Jesus?
"Our logo looks like a big thumbtack, but this swimsuit really shows off my..." (image via prod.static.titans.clubs.nfl.com)
Last week: 9-7
Season so far: 30-18