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Over the years here at The Daily Norseman, we have often remarked about how running back Adrian Peterson is not, in fact, a human being. Rather, it's entirely possible that he is a cyborg, a fusion of man and machine capable of things that normal human beings simply cannot fathom. And such things are not entirely without merit. . .he reached the 10,000-yard career rushing mark this past season, doing so faster than all but two players in National Football League history.
While we can't necessarily prove that Peterson is really a fusion of man and machine, we know of one such hybrid for sure. That is the man formerly known as Alex James Murphy, who was transformed by the Security Division of Omni Consumer Products into the OCP-1. . .but you may know him as RoboCop.
Yes, these two men are capable of things that many in their professions are not. How do they stack up against each other? Well, here's the highly unofficial and largely subjective "Tale of the Tape."
| Adrian Peterson | RoboCop | |
| Adrian Lewis Peterson | Real Name | Alex James Murphy |
| All Day | Nickname | OCP-1 |
| 6'1" | Height | 6' |
| 220 pounds (without armor) | Weight | 300 pounds (with armor) |
| Plastic helmet Shoulder pads Miscellaneous other pads |
Armor | Titanium laminated with kevlar |
| Blazing speed Outstanding stiff-arm Overcoming terrible quarterback play |
Strengths | Carries a small arsenal Vision with internal zoom capability Has a jetpack that allows him to fly |
| Requires occasional surgery | Weaknesses | Requires occasional maintenance |
| Able to crush every bone in the human hand | Handshake | Able to crush every bone in the human hand |
| Rushing for 2,097 yards after knee surgery | Greatest Comeback | Was actually legally deceased |
| "An orange peanut? For me?" | Memorable Quote | "Your move, creep." |
Adrian Peterson has already accomplished a lot in the National Football League. . .the single-game rushing record, a league Most Valuable Player Award, the most rushing touchdowns in Minnesota Vikings' history. Just think of what the man could accomplish if we could get him in the lab and make it so that he could play forever!
Then again, he's doing just fine as he is so far, I think.