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Daily Norseman Mailbag #3

Responses to questions that readers have tweeted to #DNMailbag

Bruce Kluckhohn-USA TODAY Sports

After a brief hiatus to relocate my family from a 3000 square foot house into a 1200 square foot apartment, DN Mailbag is back, baby. Just so you know, that stupid St. Joseph's statute business about helping you sell your house is complete bull. Trust me on this. Let's get down to business.....

From ‏@TweetingGardy:

Ponder this one, please: Have you ever seen a player's perceived skill level drop as dramatically as Matt Kalil's?

I tell you, TweetingGardy, I'm absolutely mystified at what has become of Matt Kalil. I can remember being pretty pumped when the Vikings had selected him. I even considered buying his jersey. Now that he's playing like absolute garbage, I might just go buy one. After all, I have been known to be a bit of a "jersey jinx". He can't get Teddy killed if he's on IR. That's all I'm saying. He's supposed to protect Teddy's blindside. I have zero confidence in his ability to do so at this point. Yep, he was a top-5 overall pick and was supposed to be our franchise left tackle. I'm not feeling it. Not at all.


@DiMurphyMN what do you think about the Vikings defensive struggles on first drives?

Welp, I think it sucks. I have no idea why it keeps happening. I'm not sure if it just takes them that first drive to get in their groove or if they're too amped or what. I know it's got to be absolutely killing Mike Zimmer, though. I can only imagine how many f-bombs he drops during opening drives. It also really puts added pressure on an already anemic offense. How much easier would it be for the offense to take the field not already down by a touchdown?!?

‏From @dantaylor26:

What was worse, the Vikings O line or the train wreck commentary?

Wow, you're really asking a tough question here, Dan. I mean, the Vikings offensive line was absolutely Jake from State Farm hideous out there. Teddy is lucky to be alive, to be honest. How Matt Kalil can be a starting left tackle in the NFL after the way he played last season (admittedly with a bum knee) and so far this season is absolutely beyond comprehension. Then again, Mike Goldberg made an absolute ass of himself both by the godawful commentary he gave and the way he lashed out at fans who were critical of him on Twitter. Mike clearly didn't have to listen to himself really, really suck or else he would have directed some of those comments at himself. Good grief, that whole entire broadcast was a dumpster fire of epic proportions. All things considered, I'm going to say Goldberg's commentary was the bigger train wreck.

‏From @nickasun:

What is the best go-to comfort food after a Vikings loss?

Ohhhh.... nice question, Nick! There are so many ways to answer this question, but I'm gonna say ice cream. My personal preference is Izzy's Salted Caramel or else Kemp's Moose Tracks ice cream. If the Vikings lose by more than 20 points, you are officially permitted to eat the entire half gallon yourself. If they lose by more than 30 points, throw in a half dozen brownies, too or some of @jenpiedri's fantastical Reese's Peanut Butter Cup cupcakes. I haven't actually had one of those, but the pictures she posts make me want to lick my iPhone screen.

From ‏@eric_j_thompson‏:

The #Vikings. Why? Just...why?

Well, Eric, here's the thing.... this is Minnesota. We can't have nice things here. We just can't. It's like some ancient unwritten rule that dictates we must suffer. You know, the more I think about it, the more it seems like it's maybe to help us handle the harsh ass winters here. Toughen us up. Okay, that's bullshit. I'm guessing that our ancestors have done some very bad things and this is karmic justice. Maybe we should consider moving? I hear Canada is very nice.


If Vikes continue to be horrid, are they more or less likely to allow AP to return, provided he can?

I know this was a serious question, so I'm going to attempt to be serious in answering it. There is a less than zero percent chance that Adrian Peterson will ever wear Vikings purple again. Yes, I'm aware that you can't actually have a less than zero percent chance of anything, but stop bringing math into this. If the NFL doesn't ban AP (and I'm not thinking that they will), he will be traded to another team. A team like the Cowboys or the Raiders who specialize in dealing with problem children. It doesn't matter how horrid the Vikings play, AP is as good as gone.

Also from @tpodoll1:

AP, Jennings, Greenway, Ponder, Rudolph, Cassel, and starting Off Line acct. for 47.5% of Vikes Salary Cap. Should Spielman go?

While this is disturbing, I will have to say no, Spielman should not go. Rudolph is going to be an excellent tight end for a long time for this team as soon as he gets healthy. The Vikings pretty much needed to keep Cassel because there really wasn't much else out there as far as veteran quarterbacks. Jennings seemed like he was going to be a promising signing, but has not looked great this season. Ponder? Oh, don't even get me started on that dumpster fire. With all of that being said, Spielman has also done a lot of things well. Patterson, Smith, Walsh, for example. I'm going to give him one more draft before I start rallying the rubes with my pitchfork and torch. Also, way to be an overachiever getting two questions answered on this week's mailbag, Todd. Unfortunately there is no prize for this. Although, I think I can get you @purplebuckeye's autograph.

From @BenjaminJDawson:

By how large of a gulf are the Vikings the worst team to play at TCF Bank Stadium?

Okay, Ben. Here's the thing. I've been a Gopher Football fan for a really long time. I have seen some of the most godawful football played by them. That being said.... this Vikings team has a real shot at being the worst team to ever play at TCF Bank Stadium. And you know the Gophers have played some absolute cream puffs in the past, so that really would be saying something.


Fantasy Q: Should I trade Cordarrelle for a bag of Cheetos?

What in the actual hell kind of question is this, Andy? I mean, really? First of all.... he's going to be a superstar. Second of all...Cheetos suck. If you were going to trade Cordarrelle for a bag of snacks, you need to go Spicy Nacho Flavored Doritos, my man. Anything less and you are being taken advantage of. In all honesty, if you really feel you have no use for Cordarrelle, you should let me be in a league with you next year :-)

That's it for the week, kids. Thanks to all of you who submitted questions (and don't worry, @kylesegall, you'll get all of your stupid, I mean, interesting questions, answered someday. Maybe. See you next week :-)