Now that the draft is in the rear view mirror...and more importantly, I have quit abusing my liver on Beale Street in Memphis, let's take one final look back at round one, in GIF form.
When I woke up Thursday morning, it was draft day. The two extra weeks between when the draft was normally held and when it was being held this year seemed interminable. At long last, it was here, it was Draft Day!!!!
Seriously, let's do this WOOOOOOOOOO!. When the Texans went on the clock, I was a little nervous. Everyone assumed they would pick Jadeveon Clowney, but they needed a quarterback, too. My thinking was that if they didn't pick a QB, it was going to be a good night for the purple and gold. They picked Clowney, and I felt that the Vikings might have their pick of quarterbacks. I was quietly confident:
As most of you know, I was a big 'Manziel to the Vikings' guy, but I would have been almost as happy with Teddy Bridgewater. Most experts, though, thought Blake Bortles was going to be the Vikings choice. But Bortles went off the board at number three, to Jacksonville, giving the 2014 draft the first big curve ball of the night:
WHOA. I wasn't sure if this was good or bad, at least in terms of getting a quarterback. Would it start a run on QB's, or not? No quarterbacks were taken at picks four and five. Holy smokes, it was looking good:
No QB's taken at six and seven, either, which meant both Manziel and Bridgewater were on the board.
OH MY GOD, THEY'RE BOTH ON THE BOARD. What are the Vikings gonna do? A trade with Clevelend, natch. LOLOL WE FLEECED CLEVELAND AGAIN. THIS IS GOING TO BE THE GREATEST NIGHT EVER:
Wait a sec. Cleveland wants a QB, and they're probably going to take Manziel, which means my Johnny Football to Minnesota dreams die. But hey, we're still getting Bridgewater. It's all good, man!
But Cleveland drafted Justin Gilbert, not Johnny Football. SERIOUSLY?
Oh, Cleveland. Oh my. Cleveland. So now the Vikes are on the board. EITHER/OR BABY LET'S PICK A QB AND REVEL WITH DRINK AND SONG. SKOL VIKINGS LET'S WIN THIS GA--With the 9th pick in the 2014 NFL Draft, the Minnesota Vikings select Anthony Barr, linebacker, UCLA.--ME, SKOL VIKINGS HONOR YOUR NA--what? Anthony Who?
Oh. Okay then.
Well, hmmm. I...no. Wait a second, we didn't pick a QB? And of the linebackers that were available, we took Barr over C.J. Mosley? Barr's raw, I read. No, no this wouldn't do.
Wait a second. No, this isn't fair to Barr. He's a good player, and he's got a lot of upside. This is okay, but Rick Spielman still needs to move back into the first round. I'm okay with Barr right now. Actaully, Barr and Griffen on the same side could be pretty awesome, all things considered. Well, done. A golf clap for you:
And hey, with the Vikings not taking a QB, they've got plenty of time to move ahead of Dallas and grab him, because that was the team that was rumored to pick him, if not the Vikes or Browns. The 10th pick goes by, no trade. 12th pick, no trade. 14th pick, no trade. Quit screwing around, Rick:
No trade. Dallas on the clock. Damn it, Manziel's gone. ONLY HE WASN'T...Dallas picked Zack Martin YES:
So now, I'm thinking somewhere in the low 20's. Then, it occurred. A TRADE IN THE LOW 20'S WITH PHILLY. But it was't the Vikings. It was the Browns, and they grabbed Johnny Football:
I was stunned.
Now I was flat out pissed. So pissed off I could've kicked a puppy:
Cleveland out smarted us. CLEVELAND. We're not getting Johnny Football. To make things worse, there's no one who will make a trade by the end of the first round, and Houston will grab Teddy Bridgewater to open round two on Friday. It's over, all is lost. We're going to have to draft Zack Mettenberger:
This isn't happening. It is. Welp.
It was time to drink. Alot:
And rage tweet:
Wait, with the last pick of the round, Seattle made a trade. With...THE VIKINGS...BRIDGEWATER IS ON THE BOARD....CAN IT BE???
With the 32nd pick in the 2014 NFL Draft, the Minnesota Vikings select, TEDDY BRIDGEWATER, Quarterback, Louisvile.
Oh, and Rick Spielman? To you sir, I say:
Well done. Sorry for doubting you.