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Ridiculous Overreaction Theater 3000

Bruce Kluckhohn-USA TODAY Sports

So as I was looking around these vast interwebs for news on the Minnesota Vikings yesterday, I saw a couple of the bits of wisdom from a Twitter account known as "STrib Comments." Apparently these are real, actual comments from folks on the Star-Tribune website about various sports in the Twin Cities. (Honestly, if you're on Twitter, you need to be following this. It's high comedy.) In this case, they were talking about the Vikings and what was going on at mini-camp. . .or, rather, their perceptions of what's going on at mini-camp.

In keeping with the tradition that the most popular player on the Minnesota Vikings roster is (insert name of a quarterback that isn't the starter here), apparently our own Teddy Bridgewater is already a bust.

"Vikings are taking their time hoping that Teddy Bustwater will hit a growth spurt in his hands to actually hold a football."

"Just look at his picture. Bridgewater has the arms and legs of a twelve year old girl."

People have said these things. Out loud. Where other adults can read them.

So, for all the folks that might have this sort of idea in their head. . .in June. . .allow me to help you a bit with the help of that most Minnesotan of television programs.

In the not-to-distant future
Somewhere at Winter Park
Mike Zimmer and his coaching friends
Are deciding who will start

There's Teddy, Matt, and Christian, too.
Coaches want to see what they can do.
But some folks are angry here in June
And they've never even thought that that's ridiculously soon.

They wanted Johnny Football.
Did not want Teddy B. (La la la)
So they make fun of his "tiny hands,"
And they laugh about his knees (La la la)

None of these folks have any clue
About the Vikings' new look "O." (La la la)
But the one thing that they know for sure
Is that these three guys are all terrible and that they've gotta go.


Teddy! (The new guy!)
Christian! (Oh, no!)
Matt Cassel! (Meh)

If you're wondering why they're freaking out
When they don't have all the facts (La la la)
The calendar says June 18th
They should really just relax


And, with that. . .man, I wish Training Camp would get here already.