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NFL.com Makes Pain Rankings, Puts Vikings Too Low

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WARNING: The above picture may bring about feelings of nausea, rage, depression. . .possibly simultaneously.
WARNING: The above picture may bring about feelings of nausea, rage, depression. . .possibly simultaneously.
Brian Bahr/Getty Images

More list-a-mania as we wind our way through the end of the 2015 offseason, and this one is a little strange to say the least.

Dan Hanzus over at NFL.com has decided to put together what they calls the "Pain Rankings." The Pain Rankings are a list of the fan bases that have, apparently, been kicked in the proverbial groin the most frequently by their favorite teams. Naturally, you'd expect the Minnesota Vikings to be on a list like this.

What you wouldn't expect is for them to come in at number five. Yes. . .apparently there are four other NFL fan bases that have experienced getting their hearts ripped out more times than Vikings fans.

Seriously, I don't see it.

The "Pain Rankings" apparently only go seven deep, as Hanzus has the Kansas City Chiefs at #7 and the Cincinnati Bengals at #6. The Vikings come in at #5, so to steal a line from a former San Francisco 49ers head coach. . .

Who has it worse than us?

Look, I'll give you Cleveland as a stone cold lock for the #1 spot overall, but honestly. . .that leaves three more teams ahead of the Vikings in these rankings. Who's going to fill those spaces? I'm guessing that the Buffalo Bills are going to be in one of the remaining three spots, but I'm drawing a complete blank on the rest. I mean, I don't know. . .Arizona, maybe? Possibly Detroit?

The bigger point is none of the teams I've just listed (with the possible exception of Cleveland) have gone through what Vikings fans have. Teams like Arizona and Detroit have had prolonged stretches of being bad, but the Vikings have had a lot of times when they've looked so damn good and just. . .haven't. . .finished. . .the job. I'm not sure if being bad all the time would be especially painful, but I do know that getting close to kicking the ball so frequently only to have Lucy pull it away hurts like hell.

With all due respect to Mr. Hanzus, nobody. . .but nobody. . .knows pain like Minnesota Vikings fans know pain.