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Horns, Swords and a Longship: September 2, 2016

The worst football game in every season is now over, and it's time for the day and a half of roster cuts!

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Feed me!
Bruce Kluckhohn-USA TODAY Sports

Longship Log:

The Vikings wrapped up yet another win in Mike Zimmer's continuing dominance of the preseason.

Teddy Bridgewater, after getting out of the hospital yesterday, released a handwritten statement.

The Turf Show Times did their Q&A with us, and we did the same with them.

Around the Horns:

Austin Belisle has VT's postgame take on yesterday's game. Thankfully proving a certain rumor false, it came out yesterday that there really was no planned visit from Mike Vick. Austin also wants to let readers know he's still on the longship, just like the rest of us should be.

Rick Spielman is not liking the cost of the quarterbacks out on the trade market, and he has made it clear that he will not mortgage this team's future for a stop-gap quarterback.

A fan petition is spreading around the Internet to let Teddy be the one to blow the gjallarhorn in Week 2 against the Packers.

Kyle Rudolph's got some classy gloves on tonight.

NFL News:

The Vikings aren't the only team having QB injury issues.

Max Unger has signed a three-year contract extension with the Saints.

Apparently the NFL does actually classify Phil Simms' color commentary as something other than completely offensive to the listener.

Minnesota Twins news:

Since they won yesterday, I feel it's only right that I include this section for them. After a 12-game losing streak all but knocked them out of playoff contention, the Twins finally managed to scrape together enough runs for a win, beating the White Sox 8-5. The Twins return to action tonight at 7:10 CT and will send one of multiple junk heaps up to the mound to see what he can do to continue the Twins' "winning ways."

Thought we could use a little bit of a highlight package as our video of the week.

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Again, we all know the rules, but in case someone is new:

-No discussion of politics or religion
-No feeding of the trolls
-Keep the bad language to a minimum (using the spoiler tags, if you must)
-Speaking of which, if discussing a newer show or movie, please use spoiler tags 
-No pictures that could potentially get someone fired or in serious trouble at their place of employment
-If you can't disagree in a civil manner, feel free to go away
-While navigating the open thread, just assume it's sarcasm
-This isn't a male version of The View, so leave the gender hatred at the door

With that, the disco light is down and the bar is open. Belly up & tie one on. Don't forget to tip your local dolphin brigade, & try the French-roasted pillowcases!