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Horns, Swords and a Longship: September 9, 2016

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Football. Is. Back.

Please don't kill me please don't kill me please don't kill me
Please don't kill me please don't kill me please don't kill me
Joe Nicholson-USA TODAY Sports

Longship Log:

Ted has his 5 Things to Look For in this weekend's game. Ted also had fun rhyming yesterday.

Eric had his weekly analysis and picks article. Thus far, he's 0-1, so make sure to needle him about that.

Admiral BigGun is still accepting photos for the photo contest.

Apparently some online people think the Vikings compare to some European soccer team.

Teddy Bridgewater had successful surgery yesterday.

Around the Horns:

AJ Mansour asks what happens if Bradford is good while he is here.

Quite obviously, stopping the run is key to a Vikings win on Sunday.

Brian Robison was elected a captain yesterday.

Swords from the Opposing Horde:

The Broncos and Panthers took the opportunity provided by the football game yesterday to kick the crap out of each other. Derek Wolfe, a Broncos defensive lineman was injured during the game and claimed their offensive linemen were targeting. And in what can only be considered an abject failure of the new concussion protocols the NFL has set up, not once was Cam Newton evaluated for a concussion despite the half-dozen shots to the head he took from Broncos defenders last night. What makes this even worse is that Cam Newton did eventually undergo concussion testing, but only after the game was over. Oh, and he doesn't remember what happened at the end of the game. Super.

Cam Newton did manage to become the all-time leader in QB rushing touchdowns last night.

Because apparently he can't just stay away, Marshawn Lynch is considering a return to the NFL.

Former 49ers tight end Bruce Miller is charged with a litany of crimes.

The Steelers signed guard David DeCastro to a five-year, $50M extension. In other transaction news, the Titans claimed former Patriots offensive lineman Josh Kline.

Minnesota Twins update:

They had an off day (can that count as another loss?) and will take the field at home against the Indians tonight at 7:10 CT. Tyler Duffey will be opposed by Danny Salazar.

It's about time we get some old-fashioned Weird Al back in here!

Again, we all know the rules, but in case someone is new:

-No discussion of politics or religion
-No feeding of the trolls
-Keep the bad language to a minimum (using the spoiler tags, if you must)
-Speaking of which, if discussing a newer show or movie, please use spoiler tags 
-No pictures that could potentially get someone fired or in serious trouble at their place of employment
-If you can't disagree in a civil manner, feel free to go away
-While navigating the open thread, just assume it's sarcasm
-This isn't a male version of The View, so leave the gender hatred at the door

With that, the disco light is down and the bar is open. Belly up & tie one on. Don't forget to tip your local dolphin brigade, & try the fan-diced fig newtons!