Tuesday Open Thread: August 28, 2018

Hello and a very merry Tuesday to you all!

Hey, are you excited for the new season yet? Man, I’m as excited as a mud fence. No, wait, that’s how ugly I am. Ummmm, I’m as excited as a bag of hammers. No, that’s not right either, that’s how dumb I am. Well, anyway, I’m excited, and as a Vikings fan, I have every reason to be. This has the makings of a tremendous season for the purple and gold, as long as the injury plague that seems to have settled in on the team makes like a tree, and gets out of here.

The Vikings, and every other team in the league, will play its final preseason game on Thursday. You will likely not see the starters on the field much, if at all, and with the way the injuries have been piling up, I’m glad they won’t be. I’d wrap them all in bubble wrap, carefully place them in heavily padded, bullet-and-bomb-proof limousines, like the ones they use for the presidential detail, then form a perimeter of heavily armed security guards around them. Then I’d dig a moat around the armed security guards and fill it with battery acid then another moat around that one with crocodiles and some walleye (in case someone needs to go fishing), then populate the area around the outside of that moat with rabid wolves, tarantulas, vipers, a full battery of surface-to-air missles, claymore mines, and lots of those little legos. Then, to top it off, I’d pipe in some really loud top 40 music (pipe the music away from the wolves, tarantulas, and vipers, we don’t want to be cruel). The top 40 music by itself should be enough to keep anyone far away, but it never hurts to add the additional measures, just in case. Oh, and don’t let the backup QB help anyone break into their limousine if they get locked out.

Around the DN since our last open thread:

Ted shares his thoughts on the Brett Jones trade. I keep calling him Brent, I should ask him to change his name. That’s not an unreasonable request, IMO, it would save me some time with the backspacing and what-not.

Eric highlights five game-changing plays from Friday’s Vikings-Seahawks matchup.

Vikings news from other sources and news from around the rest of the league:

From CBS Sports, here is Thursday’s slate of games for the grand finale of the 2018 NFL preseason. Let’s hope for no injuries and some standout showings for those who are battling for those final team roster spots.

Over at Vikings.com, catch newest Viking, Brett Jones as he talked to reporters yesterday, hear what ST Coach Mike Priefer has to say about helping his young kicker through a rough showing on Friday, and there’s lots more to look through in the media vault.

The Strib looks at the struggling Vikings specialists, as they get a final chance to gain some positive momentum to carry them into the regular season (I’m not a big believer in momentum, but if it helps them perform better, go with it).

Odell Beckham Jr. should have no problem making ends meet, as he signed a five-year extension with the Giants, reportedly worth $95 million, per The USA Today.

From The USA Today, Browns rookie, Denzel Ward, was injured because of ‘the stupid way he tackles’. That very eloquent and masterfully worded quote came from known psychopath, and Browns defensive coordinator, Gregggggggggggggg Williams. Wow, with such a brilliant, well spoken leader to guide him, I’m very shocked that a player would ‘tackle stupid’. I’d think he’d probably be quoting Shakespeare and doing advanced calculus in his head while tackling. Maybe finalizing that cure for cancer while he intercepts a pass. You’ll remember that Greggggggggggggggg is the same piece of...........redacted...... who thinks it’s okay to pay his players to intentionally injure opposing players on the field, lie about it, and just be an all-around waste of a human being. He should not be in the NFL, IMO. Oh, and he coaches stupid, also my opinion, but also a fact, in my opinion.

We come to our media selection.

Okay, I’m getting amped up for the sesaon, and when I’m amped up, there’s nothing better than a little AC/DC. THE gold standard for rock. Crank. It. Up.

Again, we all know the rules, but in case someone is new:

• No discussion of politics or religion
• No feeding of the trolls
• This isn’t a male version of The View, so leave the gender hatred at the door
• Keep the bad language to a minimum (using the spoiler tags, if you must)
• Speaking of which, if discussing a newer show or movie, please use spoiler tags
• No pictures that could get someone fired or in serious trouble with their employer
• If you can’t disagree in a civil manner, feel free to go away
• While navigating the open thread, just assume it’s sarcasm

With that, the beer light is on and the bar is open. Belly up and tie one on. Don’t forget to tip your waitress, and try the blood sausage