You’re not going to believe this

Ladies and Gentlemen, I need you to sit down, because I have some news. This is news that will shock you, maybe even cause you to temporarily lose consciousness. Once I’ve uttered these words, your reality will have changed, possibly forever, and you will wake up to a new ‘normal’, from this day forward. Before we talk, would you like anything to drink, maybe a glass of water, or some bourbon to calm the nerves?

No? Okay, well now that you’re comfortable, let me start by saying that...well, I don’t know how to beat around the bush on this, so I’m just gonna say it.

Vikings kicker Dan Bailey is the NFC Special Teams Player Of The Week.

I know, I know, I can’t believe it either. I’m just as shocked as you are. But look, it’ll be fine, really. We will take this news, let it sink in, and we will grow from this. We will be stronger because of this, and one day, once our shock subsides, we’ll look back on this week and there will be nothing but good memories, and laughter.

That’s how Dan would want it.

We’ll remember Dan, trotting out on the field, with no cares in the world, going 4/4 on field goals, hitting from 31, 48, 32, and then 45 yards to close it out. And remember the one time he walked out there he winked back at us and said ‘hey, gonna knock this one in off the left upright, just for old times sake’?

We’ll also remember he drilled his two extra points, right down the middle, and then we’ll remember that right now, he’s hit on all but one of his field goals on the season.

So, I’m sorry I had to bring this shocking news to you. You just sit in here for as long as you need, collect your thoughts, and absorb what I’ve just told you. I know it’s something none of us expected, but we are Minnesotans, and we will take this news and carry on.