Two years ago, I made a bunch of Vikings-themed Valentines Day cards with terrible puns. Nobody kicked me off the website.
Last year, I did the same thing. The puns got worse. Much, much worse. Yet none of you did anything to stop me.
So in 2019, I’m going to do it again. Sorry, everyone. This is on you. Your indifference has created a monster.
While I maintain that Valentine’s Day itself is over-commercialized and saccharine to the point of nausea, I cannot resist the siren song of Dad Jokes that come with creating these made-up cards. So if you will enlighten me for a third straight season, here we go again.
Kirk Cousins wasn’t on the Vikings at this time last year, so obviously I had to start with him in the headline photo. (At least I spared you from a tired “You Like That?!” joke.)
Other players that have joined the team since last February have names that lend themselves perfectly to puns. Like punter Matt Wile, wide receiver Chad Beebe, running back Roc Thomas, and defensive lineman Jalyn Holmes.
Players like Dalvin Cook, Storm Norton, Latavius Murray, and Jayron Kearse were around last year, but I haven’t taken advantage of their punny names yet.
Kyle Rudolph has been featured here before, but I couldn’t resist a new pun after his Walter Payton Man of the Year nomination:
Xavier Rhodes is another repeat entry. But hey, if Mike Zimmer can poke fun at Rhodes for constantly being banged up this past season, so can I:
I made a hunger-themed Valentine for Linval Joseph back in 2017, but I had to include our most meme-able player again this year:
Perhaps you’re spending this February 14 lamenting the one that got away. Maybe Danielle Hunter or Holton Hill could be of some assistance?
Or perhaps you’re lucky and your love is so strong that it will stick around no matter what you do. Kind of like Laquon Treadwell.
Sorry, Laquon. That was a bit harsh. Like my Valentine, I’ll always love the Vikings no matter what. Today is about love! So I’ll leave you with these kind words inspired by Rick Spielman:
Hapy Valentine’s Day, everyone!