Hello again everyone. From the girl that brought you a 16/16 and a 14/16 game prediction in 2017/2018 (or was it 2018/2019? Or 2016/2017? I lose the feeling of times sometimes) season prediction and then last year a... well... very acc... ur..... I can't do this. I must have been drunk which altered my visions. Now and only here at Daily Norseman:
Your yearly fairy-odd prediction fan post!
Last year I was a sporting a whopping 5-11 prediction record for last season, including an awesome 0-7 start. I have been humiliated and show great remorse to bring you such high hopes and then utterly disappoint you. So what's the best way to apologize? Predicting a perfect 17-0/20-0 season for the Minnesota Football Vikings.
But that would be not sticking to the truth. And while I can see a bright future yet again for your team (this time not being drunk while doing the task, I swear.), let's please not act like this years Vikings are an undefeated 20-0 team. They're not and you know it, I know it. So what's left? Right: taking my psychic power once again and revealing your results in this year's competition, so let's go:
1 - @ Cincinnati Bungles - Win - 1-0
Hapless Tigers spring around like confused animals who don't know what to do in the wild after being released from the zoo where they spent their whole life. The purple defense is devouring Joe Burrow and the Bengals defense like a real predator unlike the pathetic impostors from Ohio. Convincing 3 score-game and win to set you up to a good start.
2 - @ Arizona Cardinals - Win - 2-0
This one is not as easy as anyone thought. It will be a very hard fought game with multiple (smaller) injuries like concussions and sprains. In a nail-biter till the last drive and final seconds, the Vikings come back with a hard-earned and highly paid-for victory to set the standings to 2-0
3 - vs. Seattle Seahawks - Loss - 2-1
The Seahawks capitalize on injuries sustained in the desert and make the home opener a miserable experience. The score indicates a closer game than it actually was, The Vikings just were the straight up worse team. Not by a landslide, but enough to never really get a grasp of victory and chasing a 1 or 2 score deficit from quarter 1 until the end whistle.
4 - vs. The Mistake By The Lake - Win - 3-1
The Cleveland Clowns have finally gotten Baker Mayfield to the top of the ranking of most wins in Cleveland as a QB ahead of Ben Roethlisberger. The fanbase is already clamoring for a Super Bowl, but if we know one thing about the Browns is that they find new unthinkable creative ways of snatching misery from the hand of greatness. Like Ohio teams usually do. The Vikings don't win this game as much as the Clowns lose it.
5 - vs. Detroit Lions - Win - 4-1
Another not so-convining victory against struggling Lions that told us more about the opponent than the Vikings.
6 - @ Carolina Panthers - Win - 5-1
Another hapless team in a weak opening row of opponents. This is the first time your offense REALLY shows up and does more than just enough. They go off for a firework on this one. Kirk Cousins throwing for almost 480 yards in this contest.
7 - BYE - So far I am 2 for 2 on bye weeks, so I'm staying conservative here and think you're not winning or losing or tieing this week.
8 - vs. Dallas Cowboys - Win - 6-1
This is a really hard match on a nationally televised match (no joke, I wrote that before I looked up the time, I just knew that this match would be prime time.) This match was very blurry in my visions and if people alter the future against the current timeline, outcome could change quickly. It's a very intense nail-biter and a really fun-to-watch football match which you barely win and despite the record people will (rightfully) have some doubts about you, weak schedule, and so on, a bit comparable to discussions about the 2020 Steelers.
9 - @ Balls-less Ratbirds - Loss - 6-2
Sadly the unsympathetic team from Maryland (I just needed some good music with a better version of that city name to be able to cope with this.) steals one from you guys. It's going to be a low-scoring affair with both teams not surpassing 20 points because of good defensive play on both ends, but ultimately the time of posession swings in the Ravens favor making your defense gassed and tired at the end, leading to a game-winning rushing TD by the Ravens. This "expected" outcome makes people forget your team again.
10 - @ Los Angeles Chargers - Win - 7-2
I like the Vikings as a team beating overrated and overhyped teams back to reality. Convincing victory on the road.
11 - vs. Green Bay Packers - Loss - 7-3
Error Fartface Rodgers and his bullshit team with a bullshit logo in a bullshit stadium with a bullshit name with bullshit fans and a bullshit quarterback is going to beat you and I hate every single second of this. I am angry and spare you more words or this gets PG18 or whatever of a confused system for television you americans have.
12 - @ San Francisco 49ers - Loss - 7-4
2nd loss in a row. This is an avoidable loss as you had a lead through the 3rd quarter but lack the killer instinct to close it out. 49ers want it more and finally get it. You wake up late. But too late.
13 - @ Detroit Lions - Win - 8-4
This time a more convincing win against the Lions. Nothing noteworthy to write here, just a good old dominant victory.
14 - vs. Pittsburgh Steelers - Loss - 8-5
You will play Pittsburgh valiantly but the Steelers at home in prime time is a very hard matchup. The team is very sound overall. Although you get pressure on Big Ben, you see nothing against their defense and your own defense is only holding up for so long. In the 3rd quarter the floodgates open and you receive a 2-score-loss to send you home.
15 - @ Chicago Bears - Loss - 8-6
Chicago is a hard place to win in. You will drop this one in a low-scoring game, that could've been a win, but sometimes fate just doesn't look your way.
16 - vs. Los Angeles Rams - Loss - 8-7
The Rams beat you wish a good amount of rushing that you surprinsingly have not a really good answer for in your otherwise stellar run defense this year. This win sadly goes to the west coast.
17 - @ Green Bay Packers - Loss - 8-8
Fungicide the Packers.
18 - vs. Chiaco Bears - Win - 9-8
You get revenge on the Bears at home. Fate sometimes does look your way after all.
I hope you enjoyed reading it. I am 100% sober, so this is the undeniable truth. No need to watch the games anymore. Do something great instead like caring for your family or friends, go outside, whatever floats your boat.
Love and greetings from Germany to Minnesota and anywhere else a Viking fan might come from. ♥
Taari of Germany, fairy of wisdom and water, bringer of truth and honesty and spirit guardian of the turtles